To think that unless a serious emergency arises you can never fail to attend a wedding you've said you will go to?

[ILove2024Already]

Inspired by a TikTok I've just seen ( yep I'm bored tonight! ), aibu to think that short of a serious emergency as in someone has been hospitalised you must never ever fail to attend a wedding you've said you will go to? Just reading the comments on this video and they're so mixed, some thinking it's okay to not attend if you have a better plan come up despite the cost to the bride and groom and some sad real life experiences of people having to check if guests were coming only to find they aren't.

Yabu- You don't have to attend a wedding even if the bride and groom have forked out per head and given you a space someone else could've had.
Yanbu- its appalling

You shouldn't bail out of any social commitment without a valid reason, but these days 'valid reason' often translates as can't be arsed or had a better offer.

I have missed a wedding last minute, and I wouldn't necessarily call it an emergency. But I couldn't afford it. We had saved for months (very tight budget at the time) for clothes/ present / hotel (over 200 mile trip one way) and fuel. The day before my husband managed to have a car accident (he wasn't hurt) and took out our entire back window. Car wasn't driveable with not enough time to repair. We could have possibly hired a car, but we needed the money to go towards the cost of fixing our car which we couldn't really afford. Car was needed for work etc so it couldn't wait to be repaired. It was unfortunate and I wished we could have gone, but the choice was attend the wedding with debt or don't attend with less debt!

I pulled out of a destination wedding early last year because my partner and then small baby were both sick. Was I supposed to leave my partner to take care of the baby on her own, with both sick, so I could travel three days return for a wedding that could very easily have been held in north London, where pretty much all of the wedding party lived? The bride and groom seemed to think so……….

Honestly, if it’s your wedding then it’s your special day, and they can be very fun for guests, but they can also be a massive pain in the arse and not at all worth it for all involved. Enjoy if it’s yours! Just don’t whinge that other people have lives and commitments.

It's not just weddings, you shouldn't cancel once you accept an invitation unless for very good reasons. It's for this reason I don't like events being booked too far in advance unless very important. I have sent save the dates for my wedding in 9 months but only to those that I really want there (some have travel to book), anyone else will get invited 3 months out.

Well I don't think it would necessarily have to be a "serious emergency". I wouldn't count a vomiting bug as an emergency, but I wouldn't go to a wedding with one.

But broadly yes, I agree. You shouldn't cancel just because something else has come up, it should only be if you physically cannot attend.

And if you don't want the trouble, expense or just don't fancy an event, just turn it down straight away- as often said it's an invite not a summons!

I'd rather just book for fewer numbers in my case but we feel obligated to invite certain people and I'm hoping they decline!

I do think lots of people would be better just declining the invite in the first place. Especially if money is tight or the wedding is abroad - you can see the resentment in some of these posts. Just decline the invite!

Attending weddings is expensive for guests. Be selective!

I once pulled out of a wedding the week before because I needed emergency surgery after being very poorly. My husband (and our baby DD) then didn’t attend the wedding because they were on standby to pick me up from hospital. I still feel absolutely awful about it and our relationship with the couple has not recovered.

I don't know the TikTok back story. I think it's rude to bail on any social occasion without good reason, but life happens, and sometimes it can't be helped, but it can still be handled considerately. I think a wedding in particular is something to which we should feel happy to be invited to and look forward to, or just decline the invitation in the first place! It's not hard.

We had one guest not turn up to our wedding. She didn't let anyone know, not even a text. DH and I knew her through a social club we both attended. She was on the edge of a bigger group, most of whom we were inviting. The irony was, she practically invited herself once we got engaged by talking about dress code. We hadn't planned to invite her, but for the sake of one person who seemed excited for us, we did invite her.

I just found it incredibly rude.

At my friends' wedding 2 of their supposedly good friends didn't turn up. He was ill and she clearly didn't fancy going on her own. They didn't tell the b&g who had to hear it from someone else.

I think we might have had a no show on the day but in fairness it was someone we had invited last minute and I didn't notice on the day. 4 of our guests (2 couples) dropped out about 10 days before the wedding and it was only when we contacted them to check that they had accommodation sorted that they told us they weren't coming. I won't put their various reasons for not coming because they were very specific and outing but suffice it to say they were not emergencies. They were all on my husband's side and his friendships with them have not recovered.

We also had some people who said from the start that they couldn't come which is totally fair enough, but I really rolled my eyes at some of the reasons they came up with. One person cited covid travel restrictions - this was in summer 2022. My own dad didn't come and gave a string of excuses.

It didn't matter in the end and we had an amazing time with everyone who did come.

An emergency can be a lot more that death or dying.

I agree that once you've agreed to go to a wedding, you should only pull out last minute if you have a good reason. But I think there are a wide range of possible good reasons. I invited a good friend and her partner to my wedding and they both said they were excited to come. On the morning of the wedding, my friend was abruptly dumped by her partner. I absolutely understood why she couldn't attend the wedding after that. I was angry with her ex partner but that was because of the callous way he dumped her rather than anything else.

I pulled out of a wedding last minute as I had a roaring toothache to the point where I was crying with pain. It wasn't "life or death" but there was no way I could be at the wedding

We had more than one guest not show up to our wedding on the day. One was old and took ill which is fair enough, one was someone's partner and apparently got a better offer, and the other was a family member. We went with the flow on the day and didn't let it bother us, due to the way our wedding was set up the other guests enjoyed the food and drink that was ordered and paid for.

I had a text literally 3 mins before our ceremony from a friend saying they couldn’t make it because they were tired from staying up so late the night before 😂it was a family too so half a table was empty, they never even sent a card or asked how it went

Given how much per head wedding receptions cost I agree nothing short of emergency should mean cancelling or dropping out and even then with as much notice as possible. Not so critical for an evening reception but certainly the full sit down meal should be attended if you agreed to go.

My uncle and his children didn’t turn up to my parents wedding and told my parents it was because a cupboard fell on one of the kids my parents were in standing but upset that they could have offered the meal to someone else, we found out years later that he went to a barbecue to cheat with his new wife who was married at the time and she proudly told my parents that’s why he didn’t go to the wedding.

I think people are more than entitled to not to to what ever they don't want to go to. However if it's last minute they should pay for what they wasted . When I got married my husband's cousin decided all of a sudden her and her husband and kids didn't really want to go as it was a very warm day and they wanted to go to a beach we were £290 down and one table looked very lonely. Wish they let us know earlier as we could have got some evening guests to the meal

You can’t decline/fail to attend without a very good reason if it’s someone you wish to continue being friends with

I hate cancelling any social arrangement as I don’t want to be known as unrealiable like some people in my wider social circle. I’d never not attend a wedding without very good reason like an emergency yes

I think it's rude not to go if you are a day guest. I had a couple of people drop out of my wedding at the last minute - one because of an offer of a work placement (he was still a student, and it was important to him, and he lived overseas anyway) and the other I can't remember and probably was for a flakey reason. But back then people did phone to tell you and apologise properly rather than a text saying "Soz have a better offer have a lovely day" sort of thing.

For the evening, it's less of an issue I think - after all, you're a second class guest anyway. You shouldn't pull out without a good reason but I once pulled out because there was a storm and my mum couldn't get to us to babysit.

Dd2 had 3 no shows at her wedding due to illness - child had chicken pox. I'm not sure if the child's mother ( dd's friend) came for the first half. It happens but it would be awful if someone didn't show because they had a better offer etc.

Also, when one of my husband's relatives got married on 15 March 2020, about 1/4 of the guests didn't turn up.

I'll leave you to do a double take at the date and guess why

I wouldn't have gone anywhere with a severe migraine, it would surely make it worse. Mind you, I'm speaking as a sufferer who can't move or sip a drink during an attack, I spend 2-3 days vomiting.

To be fair that’s your fault if they never actually formally confirmed attendance.