To think that unless a serious emergency arises you can never fail to attend a wedding you've said you will go to?

[ILove2024Already]

Inspired by a TikTok I've just seen ( yep I'm bored tonight! ), aibu to think that short of a serious emergency as in someone has been hospitalised you must never ever fail to attend a wedding you've said you will go to? Just reading the comments on this video and they're so mixed, some thinking it's okay to not attend if you have a better plan come up despite the cost to the bride and groom and some sad real life experiences of people having to check if guests were coming only to find they aren't.

Yabu- You don't have to attend a wedding even if the bride and groom have forked out per head and given you a space someone else could've had.
Yanbu- its appalling

Agreed. Member of the family in hospital, a bereavement or some sudden disaster like a house break in would be the only sort of events I'd cancel for.

I would never drop out of a wedding like that.

However, inexplicably, dh and I once forgot to go to his friend’s wedding. I have no idea how it happened, as I’ve never forgotten any social arrangement before or since and we’ve been to loads of weddings. We felt awful!

I mean, I missed one because I had food poisoning once. Pretty sure they didn't want me there.

But generally yes, very rude to the point of being unacceptable unless extreme circumstances.

I lost a friendship over this, she enthusiastically agreed to attend my wedding but never sent her official reply and then prevaricated for a few weeks before I had to force her into admitting she wasn't coming. She was part of the headcount by then, too. It was so needlessly stressful for us and wouldn't have been an issue if she had said she couldn't make it in the first place.

I think it would be very rude to accept a wedding invitation and then cry off, or just not turn up, unless there was a drastic change of circumstances or an emergency of some sort.

Missed me because it was rural and a 2 hour drive and brakes failed on the lcar as we set off.

YANBU but I think for most weddings you unfortunately need to expect a couple of drop outs. We had a family pull out due to child being ill. And my friend had to work (or something). Was £100 per head but I tried not to think about it.

I would never not attend a wedding unless seriously ill or big emergency.

Well, sure, but that applies to all social occasions you’ve confirmed. There is nothing special about a wedding that elevates it above others. It is always rude to cancel without a good reason if you have confirmed attendance/made plans that involve someone else, and even more so if the plans involve expense, travel or catering.

Its rude not to turn up if I’ve cooked you dinner and you said youd be there at 7. It’s rude not to turn up if I’ve invited you to my birthday event. It’s rude not to turn up if we are going on holiday together. It’s rude to cancel if we’ve agreed to walk the dogs together at x time. It’s rude not to turn up to a wedding or a funeral or a dinner or any event.

Not just a wedding, any social event.

If you say you're going to go then you should go. Unless there is an emergency. An emergency means someone is dead or dying.

I mean, most illness is not life or death but still means they can’t attend a wedding. My brother’s girlfriend didn’t attend my wedding as she was ill. That’s life. It’s only a wedding.

Obviously stressful if you have flaky people in your wedding party!

It’s rude, but weddings tend to be the longest planned and most expensive and events to host, so that probably makes dropping out worse.

It’s rude not to turn up if I’ve invited you to my birthday event.

didn’t realise just the invitation already makes it mandatory

I pulled out of a wedding once (evening invite only) because I stupidly booked a holiday that clashed dates and I wasn't about to forgo an 8k holiday to go to an evening do. I did apologise profusely and offered to reimburse whatever they had paid out for us to attend. I still feel very bad about it though.

I had two drop outs. One was no issue as she was ill with tonsillitis. Second one was because she asked to bring her boyfriend along. I said he could come to the evening (I had never met him and they hadn’t been together long) at around 7pm. She claimed to think the wedding would be done by 7pm. 🤨 She also happened to be moving flat the next day and I think she hadn’t finished packing. She sent me a message at 11pm the night before saying she was ‘too anxious’ to attend. Cost me £70.

I had two not turn up to my wedding after RSVPing yes, one with a legitimate excuse of an ill child. The other never even gave a reason.

I agree it's rude to not turn up to any event you have said you would go to, however a wedding is slightly worse as often people have spent a considerable amount on food and drink and there may be a table plan which will therefore have an empty space.

That's quite extreme. I dragged myself to a close friend's wedding despite waking up with a severe migraine, but was only able to do that as DP drove - I wouldn't have been capable or safe to make the three hour drive myself. I wouldn't do that for, say, a birthday party.

It’s exceptionally rude to be a no show day or night if you’ve RSVP’d that you will attend.

At the very least give apologies.

How times change. I remember a thread a few years ago where England reached one of the final stages in the football world cup and a poster asked if it was ok to cancel as the couple refused to get a TV in for the reception.

The consensus was the football was absolutely more important and the B&G should have planned for the football match.

Personally I'd think it appalling behaviour to renege on an RSVP just because something more entertaining appeared. If you say you're going then you're committed, bar anything that's a genuine emergency or which actually prevents you from getting there like illness, breakdowns etc.

Yanbu. Couple of "family friends" didn't come to my wedding. They were total arseholes. They sent a cheque for twenty quid afterwards as a present. We shelled out over 70 per head (20 years ago) , never cashed their cheque and never saw or spoke to them again. So unbelievably rude

Missed one. Was really excited and looking forward to it. Then got pregnant and got sick every hour and felt absolutely dreadful in between. Had to send apologies and felt so sorry for myself all day.

Of course you can fail to attend. Nobody is going to force you to attend a wedding at gunpoint. Just don’t turn up on the day, & do something else instead, that’s all.

But, if you are going to do that, it’s inevitable that your relationship with the people who invited you to their wedding will be badly damaged, and possibly permanently destroyed.

Evening guest I don’t think it matters so
much as there is generally minimal cost per head.

Full day, yes definitely wouldn’t be impressed with no shows unless a good reason.

I couldn't attend a friend's wedding because I tested positive for Covid. There was no way that wanted me to attend and risk passing Covid on to everyone. I was gutted to miss it but that's life. I contacted the groom that morning to tell him as well as a group of close mutual friends who I was intending to go with (partly in case the groom was too busy to get my message).

We had about 7 people not show up to our wedding, no notice was given. Six of them were from my husband's side and meant a table of 8 people were left with only 2 people on it. I was seriously pissed off.

I had to bail on a wedding. I was due to go (car share) with some other guests, and on the day, they ended up filling their car up with other people instead (due to their car breaking down).
I felt awful, as I was an all day guest so would have had the meal etc.