Should i be concerned about the boy next door

[Jacksmom4eva]

HI just looking for some advice please. There is a little boy living next door in a flat with his parents but hes never been seen! We hear him playing in frontroom and all over xmas hes been laughing and playing games from the sound of it but we share a back gate and in 3 months i've lived here no-one has seen him, they keep curtains closed and go to bed quite early (8ish), neither parents go to work and not talkative if u see them.

Would u be concerned ?

I'm a Safeguarding Lead in a school.

Those telling OP to "arrange a welfare check" don't seem to understand how things work. OP has every right to call her local Multi Agency Safeguarding Hub (MASH) and tell them her concerns, but this does not guarantee that any checks will be carried out.

Without the child or parents full names MASH will not be able to complete lateral checks on their system to see if there is any history of social services involvement or previous referrals, or at least they wouldn't in my area anyway. PP have alluded to MASH making "discrete inquiries" but this is also extremely hard to do without knowing the child's name.

Based on my experience, it is unlikely that a social worker will carry out a home visit for the kinds of concerns OP has described. But that is for them to decide whether or not a visit is warranted, not OP.

OP, I agree with PP that you would be sensible to contact NSPCC to talk this through, and you have every right to contact Childrens Services if you are still concerned.

Your repeated assumptions about OPs 16 year old (who has nothing to do with this thread) are beyond strange. And her previous posts about separate issues have nothing to do with this either.

Some real oddballs on this thread.

That kid might die laughing?

op has only heard laughter, no tears or screams. Just laughter.

Why? What a waste of time

It's odd that people are being funny with the o p for being a concerned neighbour. Being concerned for a child isn't being nosy or a busybody. Them parents do sound like weirdos not collecting shopping and avoiding neighbours sorry but that isn't normal. O and I have anxiety real bad hate being around people but I still say hello to my neighbours and not go out my way to avoid them.

There’s nothing here to suggest abuse.
They could home educate or leave for the school run and return at times you aren’t there. You don’t have a personal right to see the child and interact with your neighbours if they don’t want to speak to you. Report if you want to but “there’s a laughing child with clean clothes but I’ve never personally seen him” does not meet threshold for intervention.

@McMuffins OPs assumptions that a happy laughing child is being abused because she hardly ever sees him and the shopping was delivered to the wrong address are beyond strange.

The stuff about OPs daughter and the OPs benefit fraud are all there to see in the other thread - I'm not making it up.

For what it's worth, I'd agree with other posters that if OP has any real concerns about the child's welfare she should take it to social services instead of gossiping.

You clearly have no idea of the kind of negative impact that false gossip and rumours can have. The impact will be on the child too - perhaps malicious gossip is part of the reason the family don't take the child to play in the outside area.

And yes I'm probably an oddball by most peoples standards... I'm certainly one of the only people on here that has suggested that being kind to the family and reaching out to them is a better way to help the child than gossip. I'm partly influenced by my own child having some pretty serious health issues that aren't immediately obvious and being on the recieving end of other people's negative assumptions.

@Balloontree no one is saying you did
Make it up but it's not relevant to the thread. Especially intimating that the op's son is gawping through their windows.

She only need pass on the information to the authorities and they will decide what to do with it. It may well be nothing.

Oddballs? Nope. That was relevant information to me as it sounds a bit like projection on op’s part. She has plenty of her own problems )don’t we all?) and is obsessed with someone whose child sounds happy? WhT will she say to social services? I heard the child laughing several times. I need you to look into why.

I have anxiety real bad hate being around people but I still say hello to my neighbours and not go out my way to avoid them.

And? The way you handle your anxiety isn't the blueprint for everybody else to follow. Some would even say that yours isn't great either because they don't have a "real bad hate being around people", so no one else should.

I'm not saying that at all not even in the slightest. Not sure why you making it about me either? I'm simply making a point that even someone in my situation wouldn't avoid neighbours and go out my way to avoid neighbours. This isn't about me or even anxiety. Drop the attitude because your a adult and can surely understand the issue in this thread.

Oh grow up! What attitude? This is what you posted:

Them parents do sound like weirdos not collecting shopping and avoiding neighbours sorry but that isn't normal. I have anxiety real bad hate being around people but I still say hello to my neighbours and not go out my way to avoid them.

You're the one who made it about yourself and your anxiety and how so much better you are with handling your neighbours. Calling them 'not normal' and 'weirdos' because they didn't collect shopping and avoid neighbours.

'Even someone in your situation wouldn't go out of your way to avoid neighbours' - what does that have to do with how their anxiety affects them (if they do have anxiety)? Some people do. For all you know, their anxiety (if they have it) is more severe or the kind where they feel the need to avoid neighbours.

Again, I say some people who don't have anxiety would also think your version of anxiety is not normal and weird (That sentiment is all over mumsnet anyway so it's a bit rich of you to post calling someone who may also have anxiety 'weirdo').

Be an adult, have some empathy and stop calling people names because they don't behave like you.

@Balloontree stop talking nonsense. OP is not "obsessed", she's worried about a child. And she isn't gossiping either but obviously trying to get a better picture from other neighbours, in order to decide about reporting. All normal things a caring adult would do. Leave her alone.

OP, please tell us you've reported?

what is she actually reporting them for? What is their actual crime?

This is so arrogant. Being a parent doesn’t make you more sensitive to the needs and situation of other children. It doesn’t make you kinder to the children of others. In fact as a child free person I have observed the opposite. A lot of parents are only kind and sensitive to their own children. And to the children of others when it is in the interests of their own child : for friendship etc.

see, we can all make general statements, can’t we? It doesn’t make them true. But your post suggests that you are not an instinctively sensitive person or a fine upstanding citizen. Far from it.

Oh, and many years ago I reported my nd neighbour to the police when I heard him beating his child. I saw the police arrive at his house but have no idea what happened after. He must have received a caution (which would have mortified him) and training because I never heard it again and the child seemed happy.

I knew what I had to do straight away. No equivocating, no debating on sm forums. I just did it.

it isn’t the first time I have reported stuff to the police but I have never reported a suspicion, or something where I have made up a story about what is going on. I once saw a man in the street who appeared to be abusing his girlfriend. Another person noticed it too (a stranger). We discretely followed them for a bit and it turned out to be an obvious young lover’s tiff with both stropping but quickly getting over it. So we let it go and went our separate ways.

op, you don’t need our permission to report or not to report. The fact that you are unsure may be telling you something.

Nd = next door

I guess everyone is different, but our kid is very much more visible in the community, because he's homeschooling.

Your gut is telling you something isn’t right. The boy could be happy in there but that might be all he knows. He might not be going to school. Things can be investigated in a gentle way. Sorry you’ve had shitty comments. Your intention is only to help.

I haven't seen the middle lad that lives next door in about... 6 months, he knocked in the summer for his ball back. Older and younger one I maybe see 1 a month or so.

We're not unfriendly or anything, just out daily routines don't match up and we rarely physically see each other. See the mother maybe 1-2 times a week and the Dad occasionally on bin day.

There is no inherent issue with not attending school. Home education is legal.

Them parents do sound like weirdos not collecting shopping and avoiding neighbours sorry but that isn't normal. I have anxiety real bad hate being around people but I still say hello to my neighbours and not go out my way to avoid them.

People are allowed to be "weird" though, that's not a crime. You might think them odd or antisocial but that doesn't mean that they are harming or neglecting their children.

Do you live in housing association or council flats? I only ask as if so you could speak to a housing officer about your concerns. If the housing officer felt it was necessary they could speak to MASH and provide the names of the tenants for background checks.

The thing is that op has a job, which appears not to be fully remote, and a teenager. There really isn't any way she can even say for sure this child doesn't go to school because I absolutely don't believe she's standing at her window 24 hours a day.

You do not need proof or evidence of abuse or neglect. You just needs suspicions or worries.

If there is no problem in the home, you won't have put a child in danger.. But if there is neglect going on, you might be the one to bring it to light.

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/keeping-children-safe/reporting-abuse/
NSPCC saysReporting abuseWhether you want to report child abuse and neglect, or are worried about a child and not sure what to, we have advice for you. Don't wait until you're certain: if you have any concerns or suspicions, contact us as soon as possible.If a child is in immediate danger, call the police on 999 straight away.