Don't ever phone! Text instead or make an appointment!

[ValerieVomit]

Happy new year Mumsnetters.

I've read a thread over the holidays and some of the posts talked about not phoning people because it's intrusive, you should text or message some other way but don't phone them, you don't know what they are doing, what you are interrupting etc. One poster said that you should make appointments for a phone call.

Fair enough things might have changed with social media and mobile phones over the last 20+ years.

Do you think it's rude to call someone if they are not expecting it? I called someone this morning, they were in the middle of taking down the christmas tree but we had a chat. Somebody else called me but I was shopping. I called them back when I had finished.

And the big question is .....

What makes it rude now if it wasn't rude before 1993 or so? Would you have just called someone then?!!!!

It maybe wasn't rude, but we were at the beck and call of the phone. I would let my phone ring if it wasn't convenient to answer it then, but a lot of people couldn't do that. They would ruin the dinner rather than not answer the phone,

I still have the same attitude, I will answer if convenient, but at least I can see from my screen who I am ignoring.

I like scheduling calls with besties and family so we know we’re both free to talk unimpeded and have the time to actually discuss anything important. However, I don’t find it intrusive if they just call randomly, if it’s not a good time I don’t answer. I say this as an introvert who does get a split second of fear when the phone rings unexpectedly, then has a word with myself!

Complete bonkers. If someone is too busy, they can just not pick up the phone. I don't know where this notion came from but everyone seem to be terrified to pick up the phone and call someone in case it is rude.

I follow the following rule;

" my mobile phone is for MY convenience, not YOURS!😂"

It's absolutely nuts. If someone calls you and it's not convenient, either don't answer or answer and say, "Sorry, I'm busy, will call you back later."

Why do people find that hard?

(From someone whose mum used to say she didn't call me in case I was driving .)

It's definitely not rude to call someone, it's rude to knock at their house unannounced. But not a phone call. However if I'm busy or really don't want to speak to that person at that time I don't answer and either drop them a quick text letting them know I'll call later, or I just call them back when I get chance. I definitely prefer text, but I know that's a me problem.

It’s not rude to ring someone. What a sad world we live in, no wonder there are so many lonely people. If someone rings at an inconvenient time all you need to do is say can I call you back later? It’s not difficult, well at least in my world it isn’t!

of course you can still call people, they can always call back if they are busy.

Think its better anyway.

In the office now everyone is on Teams it's definitely rude to randomly call someone without messaging first to check they are free to talk. So I can see the same etiquette extending to personal calls too. In the past there was no option but that's no longer the case.

From my point of view, I definitely don't think it's rude, but I won't answer unless you're saved on my phone. The number of scam calls!!

It's not rude to knock on someone's door, don't be ridiculous. It's what the big knocker or doorbell is there for.

The phone is my servant, not my master.

Well, now that there is a much more convenient format for brief messages, phone calls have shifted to being for longer/weightier interactions, so it follows that people might want to schedule these.

If one of my friends or close family called me out of the blue I would think someone had died

Also, 1993 was 30 years ago

So you just go and turn up to someone's house unannounced expecting them to be ready to welcome a totally unannounced visitor? Yeah I'd never put someone in that situation, and thankfully no one puts me in that situation either.

Yes, we still use Skype for this - check the status to see if the person is available, if so drop an IM asking to chat or ideally outlining the issue if they may want to think about it before talking.

Non work - depends on the person and time of day.

Of course it's not rude.
If it isn't convenient for the other person, then they can not answer.

Mind, I am an outlier on MN (not in real life) as I love it when people pop by unexpectedly.

@MiIIieee are you from the north and how
old are you? It’s was normal when I was growing up, anyone could pop in unannounced! It had its advantages, we all had ‘aunties’ in the street and always had someone to talk to. Nicer in many ways but I appreciate it’s a nightmare scenario for some people.

You seem to be confusing turning up and expecting a dinner party with ringing the doorbell. It's perfectly normal to speak to someone on the doorstep.

I think people get confused when I say things like 'I was out', when I dont pick up the phone

They think because a phone is a mobile phone that means I answer when driving,when shopping, when walking, when at work etc

I dont

My mum calls, or dh if he’s in a shop and needs an urgent answer on something. Friends only call in really bad situations -divorcing friend who needed support, friend who just found out her dad had cancer etc
I wouldn’t call it rude to call but it would surprise me if it was just for a chat. But then I have 3 dc and so I’m usually busy and long calls aren’t very convenient.

My bestie and I schedule a call because we talk for over an hour so need to make sure we have time! Most other people get a random call from me though if it's a quickie. If it's not convenient don't answer it, but it's manners to call someone back.

I had an elderly relative who was mostly unable to get out. They didn't have any means of communication apart from letter or house phone, and made and received lots of phone calls. (They had a very old and basic mobile phone but didn't use texts)
They once complained because someone (who worked ft) phoned when the archers was on! 🤣

Knocking on someone's door doesn't make them a visitor to your home, it means someone wants to communicate with you e.g. tell them you've brought their bin back as it was rolling into the road, remind them of something, just to say hello as you are passing, drop a book off.

A friend knocking on my door doesn't presume I'm going to invite them in.
I might if I'm not busy, otherwise we'll have a little chat and get on with our days. If I'm bang in the middle of something (the loo, a phone call) I might not answer at all.

I think times have changed and yp do consider a phone call to be intrusive now. I teach and have heard the kids talking about it many times. They usually joke that their phone only rings if it's sales or their nan.

I find it irritating. Either the person is ringing for a specific reason, in which case just text the information or question, or for 'a chat' - in which case they've presumed I have half an hour free to do that. The worst thing is when you answer thinking it'll be quick but it's someone wanting to chat, so then you are stuck with them or forced to be a bit rude cutting the call short. I even hate ignoring a call because I feel it as an obligation to call them back.

I guess it wasn't rude before 1993 because it was the only way you could contact someone but now there are lots of options. Phone calls are falling out of favour like letters and telegrams.