Don't ever phone! Text instead or make an appointment!

[ValerieVomit]

Happy new year Mumsnetters.

I've read a thread over the holidays and some of the posts talked about not phoning people because it's intrusive, you should text or message some other way but don't phone them, you don't know what they are doing, what you are interrupting etc. One poster said that you should make appointments for a phone call.

Fair enough things might have changed with social media and mobile phones over the last 20+ years.

Do you think it's rude to call someone if they are not expecting it? I called someone this morning, they were in the middle of taking down the christmas tree but we had a chat. Somebody else called me but I was shopping. I called them back when I had finished.

And the big question is .....

What makes it rude now if it wasn't rude before 1993 or so? Would you have just called someone then?!!!!

It's not rude at all I don't think. I don't text or WhatsApp message. I WhatsApp call due to the phone signal being awful where I live. My job is Business development, so I make and receive around 40 calls a day. No scheduling unless someone want a video meeting. No business would get done if all calls were scheduled.

Whilst it is not rude to phone, I must admit to hating it ringing. I would far rather have text/email/in-person meet up. The only exceptions are close family.

If I phone rather than WhatsApp, I always start the conversation with "are you in the middle of anything" or "is it convenient to talk"
& as others have said, the person being phoned can always choose not to answer in the first place.

Some posts on this thread make me sad.

I find it really off that some people on MN are even 'terrified' to answer the door or telephone and find it intrusive.

Clearly it's the way it is now but loneliness is a huge problem now.
Alongside community breakdown... we seem to just want to exist in our own bubble and neighbours are seen as enemies.

No idea how the people are terrified of phones manage in a workplace

Not rude at all, just be prepared to have to call back later.

As for appointments, most utilities should be obliged to provide them. Turning up between 8 and 1 is not an appointment, and should be challenged at every opportunity.

Working in the newsroom of a local newspaper, my colleagues (fellow reporters) noticed that when we get work experience people in, or even graduates interning, that they are extremely reluctant to answer the office phone, or to call people about a story when asked.

I am having difficulty with this. I know someone, early sixties, who phones everyone, every day. He can text, but if you reply to his texts he phones straight away. Puts me off replying.

He also phones at stupid times, like 6am. Again when I am leaving for work. Cooking dinner. He used to phone every single night at 8pm. I would say I couldn't talk now as I was putting the children to bed and then the next night same again.

I am often on call from my private number, and if a call comes in I don't know what number it would be from. I am also the emergency contact for 2 elderly people in the event that they press their alarms. Again, no idea what number these calls will come from. I also have DC out and about phoning for various random reasons. Therefore I can't properly utilise the do not disturb functions on my phone that people often recommend on here. I often have to block the above person because I can't trust him to not call even when asked. I remember when a relative was seriously ill and I was waiting for the call from the home overnight, begging him not to fecking call and he would last about an hour before it would start up.

My youngest was in a concert and admission was by qr code. I had the phone on silent, flight mode etc but even so I was so stressed in case this person phoned I couldn't really enjoy the show. It was the only time I have really experienced anxiety

I would welcome a return to they days when people didn't ring early or late except in an emergency. It's unfashionable now and times have moved on but I find it rude to wake soneone up at night especially if you do it repeatedly. I miss the days with clearly defined yet unspoken rules.

I do miss the days of dropping in but I am always scruffy and I never have biscuits or anything in. Or tea. Or cups. Don't bother dropping in to see me then.

PS the person I am moaning about clearly has some sort of undiagnosed additional needs which is why I haven't permanently blocked.

A smartphone is a wonderful tool but if you are driving and you tell the person you can't speak because you are driving and they still keep jabbering on and then phone you back because they say have been cut off then it's just too much. I would seriously get rid of my phone if it wasn't for the on call and emergency call situation.

this is mumsnet where people act like you have shit on their carpet if you say hello to them in the street. It’s no wonder loneliness is at an all time high and there are so many mental health problems. What a society we live in. I am proud that family and friends don’t need to make an appointment to see me. If I am busy I just say so. It’s no bother. I don’t get the drama I really don’t.

To those saying you don't answer unknown numbers, our local hospital calls from a private number (large NHS teaching hospital). So, ironically, I do my best to answer those calls (and yes, I have had more than one unexpected call from them, and they weren't calling to pass the time of day).

I'm in my 40s, it does feel thoughtless to ring, rude is a bit strong but I'd always message ahead, otherwise it's intrusive!

actually it was when i was a child late 50's early 60's. It used to be sunday mornings and hung over us like a threat..

Not in my office. Thank god. How odd. People can not see Teams messages for ages.

My work encourage "picking up the phone" rather than messaging or emailing.

Plus you are doubling up everyone's work. Rather than dealing with just a phone call. They now have to process a message and a call. Not an issue with just one call but when you are dealing with multiple messages, emails and calls it quickly becomes problematic.

Just to point out the mobile phones weren't common until the late 90s/noughties really. I think I had my first one around 2000. And it was more difficult to text on these phones so calls were normal practice for ages. Each letter took a number of button presses and texts could only be a certain length. People also didn't often have personal email at this time (I think my first work email came in the late 90s, let alone personal email!!) and if they did have personal email you couldn't access it on a phone. I got my first iPhone around 2010/11 for the purpose of getting email to my phone as I was planning a wedding! I think this weirdness around phone calls has only happened in the last few years.

I only tend to phone people if I need an answer to something and it's urgent. Otherwise I'll message them so that they can get back to me at a time that's good for them. I hate talking on the phone tbh. The only exception to this is speaking to my DD which I do every day as she lives 400 miles away :-(

We do this all the time. If someone is on green it's fine to call them. They're not obliged to answer.

Also not rude to knock on someone's door as long as you're not expecting to go in. I knock if I'm dropping something off.

I suppose it depends what the work is like, but having your train of thought interrupted by a phone call when you're in the middle of solving a complex problem can be far more disruptive than having to process a message asking if you're free and replying "give me 10 mins"

I think it's more 'normal' and easier to WhatsApp someone now. No pressure to have the convo right there and then. The only people I call randomly are my siblings as they're the only ones I want to natter to.

I would say that loneliness is only an issue if someone feels lonely. And that none of us are obliged to provide our time to stop someone else feeling lonely! (Unless we want to).

I think that's what's changed the most. We've moved to a society where people are more protective of their time and space. Less "people pleasing" and yes I suppose more selfish.

There's definitely an argument for that being a negative thing. But then for the people who would have in the past drowned in the demands of others, I'd call it a positive.

Your first paragraph sums up my concerns.
A really sad way of looking at life.

It's not rude at all, not sure why people wouldn't just ignore it as you can see who is calling. People have just become so bloody miserable 🤣

I don't think it's rude to make an unexpected call, but there's a breed of people about (I'm looking at you, DH) who are utterly incapable of not answering, and then just crack on with the lengthy FaceTime conversation no matter what they were already doing.

That's rude, if what they were already doing was having a conversation in person with someone else, or sitting in a quiet waiting room, or queuing for the checkout, or in the quiet carriage.

Calling over and over again when someone doesn't answer your unexpected call the first time, also rude (now looking at you, MIL).

I agree. I absolutely treasure my peace and quiet. I find it bizarre that others are sad that people make different life choices about their own privacy.

I love finishing work and flopping on sofa and not speaking to another living soul if I don’t want to. It’s bliss sometimes.

I do answer the phone to my parents as they’re elderly and have no idea how to use WhatsApp.

Im very social at weekends but weekday evenings my solitude is priceless.

Not struggling with the concept at all, someone knocks at the door and I'm in the bath, in the middle of gardening and don't hear the door, or absolutely multiple other examples of why it's not a good time, then the doors getting ignored. I'm not even remotely struggling with the concept, typical MN type response when someone doesn't agree with you.

I do not accept phone calls

Text me/msg me first