Don't ever phone! Text instead or make an appointment!

[ValerieVomit]

Happy new year Mumsnetters.

I've read a thread over the holidays and some of the posts talked about not phoning people because it's intrusive, you should text or message some other way but don't phone them, you don't know what they are doing, what you are interrupting etc. One poster said that you should make appointments for a phone call.

Fair enough things might have changed with social media and mobile phones over the last 20+ years.

Do you think it's rude to call someone if they are not expecting it? I called someone this morning, they were in the middle of taking down the christmas tree but we had a chat. Somebody else called me but I was shopping. I called them back when I had finished.

And the big question is .....

What makes it rude now if it wasn't rude before 1993 or so? Would you have just called someone then?!!!!

No I don't find it rude. Its my choice to answer a call or decline it.

Late forties here, and I'd agree it's rude to phone. Text to make an appointment. But my take is, I'll pick up if I want to. My Mum on the other hand freaks out if she doesn't get an SMS response in under an hour. I was once working in the garden for about three hours, and left the phone in the house, only to be met with a barrage of insults as I hadn't returned three messages. So it feels like a case by case basis might be better.

No, I don't think it's rude to phone a friend/relative - it's what phones are for. If I'm busy, I turn my phone off/don't answer. Again, voicemail is there for a reason.

I would expect a professional to arrange a mutually convenient time to call a client as, to me, to that's just the same as organising a face-to-face meeting.

This, and both @ClaudiaWankleman 's posts on P1

Perfectly normal to knock on a door, ring the bell, or phone someone up without making a big drama out of it.

I don’t think it’s rude. Either answer or not. I Audi don’t think it’s rude to turn up at people’s door. I had this conversation with my friends kids when they were bored over Xmas. I told them to knock on friends door and ask if they wanted to play. That’s how I did it years ago and I am only early 40s.

I would know on friends in the street or just randomly call a further away friend and ask if they wanted to play out.

i also have friends I will drop by for a coffee if passing.

I think this is from office etiquette. It's rude to ring someone without a meeting invite. Or it's very urgent.

in a work situ then I would say it is even aggressive to call someone out the blue if you are already emailing them. I love doing it as it speeds the service up no end.

at home it’s not really rude but it is a bit of a drag. But I HATE speaking on the phone and would much rather schedule a video call.

I don't think it's rude, but it's more practical for friends to message and say, "Oi WhaterMate, you got time for a chat?"

That way I can get settled with a cuppa, or tell them I'm busy and to call later.

You've answered your own question, times have changed. If you have a mobile, you have the means to check if someone is free for a chat first.

I do a bit of everything.

Sometimes I call and say 'just a really quick one..' (and it will be)

Sometimes I call and ask 'do you have time to chat or shall I call another time?' If it's for a chat.

Other times I text to schedule a catch up.

It just depends on who I'm calling and the circumstances etc.

I'd NEVER think someone was rude for calling me. If it's really inconvenient I'll call them back. I'm always pleased to see people flash up on my phone as it shows they are thinking of me.

I obviously didn't explain myself with my comment. I'm talking friends/family just knocking out the blue expecting to come in for a cup of tea and chat. I dont mean knocking at someone's door for any reason at all like telling them you've put their bin out or something like that. I meant people knocking expecting to come in, which is not always convenient for you just because it is for them. You could be right in the middle of something important.

Surely if you can't talk you either answer and say youl call back or miss it and call back. Seems weird people saying it's rude to call. I am someone who prefers texts to calls but even I don't think it's rude to call.

If someone calls now (in my world), it must be an emergency or time dependent so I would pick up. So I don't feel I have the choice to ignore a ringing phone. That's the difference. So while it's not necessarily rude, I would be annoyed if it were a call that could have been a text.

The only exception to that is one child who generally calls to chat while driving and I'm always happy to drop everything to talk to him anyway. ;)

I also don't like texts that begin Hi XXXX, and wait for me to reply before getting to what they want to say. Just send it all up front.

This. Just a quick text saying ‘call when you’re free to chat’ is normal to me.

The actual thread the OP refers to was where someone had been seeing a man who was with family for Christmas. In that situation yes I think it would be really rude to call without checking first. It’s a quick text check that the person is free - that’s hardly making an appointment

my phones on mute-i text back.aye what is it?cos my family think 3 hour long conversations is..ok

Not at all, a few of my friends still call me randomly, if I’m busy I don’t answer. If not I do. I always pop my headphones in to chat anyway so could carry on taking a tree down for example

No, you knock on their door to see if they are free, and quite prepared to go away if they're not.

Yes, I understand that nowadays one is expected to text first, but "So you just go and turn up to someone's house unannounced expecting them to be ready to welcome a totally unannounced visitor" was never the case.

There are 7 ways to contact me on my phone which do not involve an unexpected phone call. Pick one of those.

Obviously 30 years ago if you wanted to get in touch with someone within minutes your only options were phone, or knock the door.

Ok so a possible pointless journey with the potential of being asked to leave as its not convenient. Probably better for a quick phone call first but each to their own and the way people do things. I'd much rather put the phone call in first to save me wasting my time but that's just me. We are all different.

Hmm. Depends who it is. For me, I have a couple of family members who, quite honestly, I have to be "mentally prepared" for. So I don't really like an out of the blue call from them.

With adult DC we do tend to schedule our calls as they're normally a catch up that could last an hour! So we want to make sure that we can chat freely without any interruptions of any kind.

Most other people do just text anyway.

😄. I'm going to adopt this response - for home and work.

@SwedishEdith . Nobody has objected. or demanded explanation.
which is odd cos they will literally disect and assess every single word ...at length. They werent as keen when i used to just hang up. switch phone off. so its defo lesser evil.
my mum and i fare much better via email.less likely to argue. for a start.

You might not get a balanced view on here though, MN seems to be full of people who don't go out, don't answer the door or find being asked totally banal questions "intrusive". Back in the real world, I assume people just won't answer if it's not convenient for them.

I think this is from office etiquette. It's rude to ring someone without a meeting invite. Or it's very urgent.

Must be industry dependent.
Perfectly normal to ring people, and for people to ring me, in my job.
Most of the people I call aren't sitting at a computer, monitoring e-mails all day. If you want an answer about something, you call them. If they aren't free you leave a message and they call you back when you are free (if someone else can't answer the query).

Ok so a possible pointless journey with the potential of being asked to leave as its not convenient.

Well no. If you are traveling to see someone, then you check when they are in. People 'pop in' when they are passing / nearby. No pointless journeys needed.

Fair enough if you don't want to do it, or if you don't want anyone calling on you without an appointment, but I'm baffled that you are struggling so much with the concept.