AIBU to give up term time job ?

[ohsotired2022]

A bit of a WWYD?

Currently term time.
Work 30 hours a week spread over 5 days.
If not working then looking after my 2 children.
One at High School (14) one at Primary (9)
All holidays covered.
Band 5.

There is a current Band 7 post advertised that is 22.5 hours, 3 days.
Would work out with similar money but option to increase.

I would have 1.5 days every week for me child free
All holidays wouldn't be covered.

WWYD?

Stay in lesser paid role for easier life
Go for better role and have time to yourself every week?

Younger child is Autistic and very intense.
Current set up works well for her needs but not so much for mine.

@neverbeenskiing also yes to not sure if I could go back to TTO.

I have heard that the plan is to phase out TTO for School nurses so I may not be able to go back to this if I left.

@Thediminishedwoman I'm really sorry that you are feeling so burnt out with little option now but to leave your post.

My DH thinks it's not worth leaving for Band 7 on same pay V's staying where I am on lower pay but all holidays covered.
He thinks if I'm going to leave then leave for Full time Band 7 so we are financially better off but I'm not sure that would be the right decision for my or DD

@Vettrianofan it really is difficult isn't it !

It’s a tricky one - I work 24 hours over 3 days and end up spending the 6 hours in between school runs on my ‘days off’ doing all the housework! I mean, I might carve out an hour or two for myself to go for a ride, swim or a run, but the vast majority of that ‘time off’ is just unpaid work in the form of cleaning, tidying and errands etc. I would 100% swap to term time only for the same money (and it’s more holiday overall of course). My children are 12 and 10, one at private school and one at state primary, both relatively independent and easy to look after but we also have a lot of other responsibilities (see aforementioned money pit horses, plus sheep, hens, dogs, cats etc). I think for me the thing is to make sure I enjoy my time with the children, when they are on school hols as I save all my leave for school holidays so it’s not like I get a break at any other time. It’s also a stress making sure we have cover over the long summer hol in particular (eldest has 8-9 weeks!), and DH and I both have very generous annual leave policies.

Thanks everyone for really helpful responses.

I agree with everything everyone writes in relation to going for it.

I also agree with everything everyone says in relation to staying with Term-time especially factoring in my DD's Autism.

🤦‍♀️

I would go for the band 7.
I recently switched from term time only to a part time year round tole and was dreading covering the summer holidays. It's not been hard though. The kids are older so can go on day camps which they enjoy. I can accrue toil and only have a low number of hours in a week to cover between me and their dad. With your circumstances I would try a day a week in each holidays in a childcare that your 9yo feels comfortable with so it's not new and scary in the summer and they have an idea of their needs. Your day off means they'll always have the continuity of at least one mum day a week.

It was so worth it for time off in the week to get things done.

Pay for childcare for the holidays. You need time for you.

I forgot to mention in my earlier post, I managed the school holidays quite well only working 3 days a week as I also bought a weeks annual leave. I’m a single parent so with 2 of you it really should t be a problem. Over the 3 week Christmas holidays I have worked only 1 day a week. Summer I took 2 weeks off and the remaining 4 I only worked one or two days a week. My son can’t use childcare so luckily I’ve got my Mum or he had the odd play date with a friend.

Your 14yr old will be sorting themselves soon enough if not already. Questions around youngest though, I was thinking you should take it because it’s a short term problem, even for youngest but then I saw your further comments about daughters autism. You mentioned it was your needs against the kids and that’s not exactly true. You will burn out, rest is a need. Childcare is a need, but having it always be you and a perfect routine is a want. If you’d be able to find childcare then it’s v possible. You’d also have to be confident you could arrange childcare for first few years at secondary when she ages out of asc. But also, you might find less intense to arrange childcare as only for a few days weekly and you’ll have time to do so where you now probs don’t have a minute.

Is there an option to rejig hours in current role eg do the hours over 4 days instead of 5 and still have holidays off?

The main issue I can see is that if your daughter has issues further down the line, meaning she requires more support, you won't find a term time job and will have to leave your career altogether. I appreciate she's got a couple more years at primary school but can you stick it out for a bit longer to see how she gets on at secondary school first?

Factoring in your DD ASD, and your own need for more balance throughout the year....

Have you considered, staying with your existing job, and going back to the hours it was originally advertised as, eg 30 hours over 4 days? Putting DD into ASC an extra 2 days per week? If she could cope with it? Yes it might cost more, but the benefit to your mental wellbeing will be priceless, having that one day off a week during term time, to catch up on things like life admin, chores etc.

Also, considering your daughter's ASD might get worse as she gets older, for eg school refusal, meltdowns etc. Has your DH considered how his career can accommodate her needs long term also? If he's happy for you to find a full time band 7 year round job, would he be happy dropping his hours or working flexibility or doing set hours, if that works better for your DD?

It's super hard when additional needs are involved, as it's not so simple as 'drop your kids off at holiday club'. Unlike parents with NT children who have the option to outsource childcare to professional childcare providers, parents, usually mothers, of SEN children are typically disproportionately disadvantaged and negatively affected in terms of money and career options and getting respite from caregiving responsibilities.

I did a very similar thing and it has worked out great!

I am contracted 3 days a week but I do cover teaching for the extra 2 (although I can choose to not do this and have a day off or if I have an appointment etc).

So during the school holidays I still get 4/7 days off and I can book holiday to coincide with the some of the school holidays.

If I wanted to I can also book time off during term time.

I’m sorry if I missed your role but I was a teacher and got ill from the stress of it and having to work evenings and weekends and not enjoying my holidays.

I have less holidays now but I actually have a proper break mentally and physically and it’s made such a huge difference.

You can always go back if you feel it’s not for you.

The 9yo is quite young still but if it means you’re more present and not stressed out, then it’s worth it.

Just given up a term time 30 hrs pw support staff job in a school, now full time all year round, I feel so more relaxed, have a lot more money, less stress, I can book holidays when I want, I have missed out on years of nativity, school events etc. I was struggling with never having any time off on my own, always with the children. Thankfully mine are old enough not to need childcare. I've already booked a couple of days annual leave just for me. If you can make it work with child care go for it.

At 14 the older can babysit the younger one, at least for a couple of days a week, if they have access to phones, maybe someone checking in on them regularly, even if over video call.

Have you read OPs posts?

Not all of them, but my dc has autism, and while they surely can be intense and struggle at school/with childcare/unknown people, they are very mature, reliable and trustworthy for their age and able/happy to stay by themselves in their rooms for a couple of days/week and make their own lunches, go shopping etc. I'd even say that letting them practice independence by putting them in charge and leaving them to their own devices helps them tremendously to de-stress and creates a happier home life.

But that is different to leaving another child in charge of them surely?

It's hard to predict the future, so of course it's not an easy decision to make.

Anyone in a NT family would say go for the promotion - but I understand your concerns. Ideally of course you'd go for it - a potentially more rewarding job with more time off, no brainer!

DS has ASD and ADHD. At 4 he presented huge challenges, at 9 he was really still quite demanding (not in himself, but in his behaviours) - now at 15 he's no trouble at all. But I have heard that boys often get easier whereas girls can sometimes struggle more as they reach puberty, and of course there is no one size fits all. You know your DD best, but still can't foresee the next few years....

I think I'd be leaning towards taking the job - would it be easy to move back to a Term time only role if it doesn't work out? I just think I would feel more regrets if I didn't at least try.......

Good luck, whatever you decide.

Having lived a similar situation I highly advise sticking to term time for now.
You can do term time in school nurse roles which allows progression to higher bands and still keep to term time.
Also, doing double duty is tough, term time is important for some down time for you.
good luck

Thanks for everyone's responses.
It's been SO helpful and giving me lots to think about.

My current term time role is as a Band 5 School Nurse. There would definitely be scope to apply for Band 6 in School Nursing but I would lose my term time contract.

As a PP said Term time in School Nursing is being phased out. I'm not sure how easy it would be for me to come back to a term time role if I left.

I could ask to put my hours back to 30 hours over 4 days. The reason I changed was because my DD who at the time was 6 was struggling with 4 sessions at the ASC. She might cope better now although I think she likes that I pick her up 3 days a week.

I do sometimes leave my DS (14) and DD (9) and Autistic alone for a short period of if I need to nip to the local shop.

I'm not sure I would want to put the responsibility of dealing with DD onto DS.

For example if I was at work and someone came to the door for DD and she wanted to go out.
It takes a lot of negotiation from me to make sure she is washed, dressed, hair and teeth done and she also struggles to wipe herself if she has been for a poo.
If my DS was here I don't think he would manage to enforce these things and she would likely argue with him and can be quite aggressive.
I wouldn't want to put this responsibility on him.

Also good points about term time giving my DD the term to regulate from a busy term at school.

She is bright and clever but does find managing day to day in mainstream school setting exhausting. All her worries and anxieties tumble out to me before school and end of school day.
In my current role as Band 5 school nurse if I have a really tricky morning with DD and before Drop Off I definitely don't then have the added pressure of a stressful day ahead.
My job is ok. I work quite autonomously.

I don't think I had fully thought about how tricky things may be for DD as she progresses up the school and into High School. It may be completely fine but at every year change we have a difficult start as she adjusts to new teacher, classroom and work and she always for months talks about how much she misses the previous teacher and how the new teacher isn't as nice so I can imagine the jump to High School will have challenges.

I think I need to stay put for now and see how she transitions into new classes and High School.

I think I need to find somewhere I can do a night shift maybe once a month as this would help us financially.
It's quite tricky tho as I'm not a General trained nurse so a bit limited to where I can work a night shift on the Nurse Bank. That can be the task for January.

Thank you so much for everyone's comments, they have really helped me to reach this decision.

Good luck to those with upcoming interviews and looking to make changes.

3 days a week is really great. I used to work like that and it was perfect as you have some time to rest, run errands, do house work, etc resulting in a much more relaxed and healthy life. Go for it. Long holidays are good but if you will to be caring for your children it won't be much relaxing

Sorry hadn't read the update

Personally the pt job appeals more, option to do extra hours when you want to. Yes childcare costs are a fortune but if you could cover them and maintain the income you need, it won't be forever? X