AIBU to give up term time job ?

[ohsotired2022]

A bit of a WWYD?

Currently term time.
Work 30 hours a week spread over 5 days.
If not working then looking after my 2 children.
One at High School (14) one at Primary (9)
All holidays covered.
Band 5.

There is a current Band 7 post advertised that is 22.5 hours, 3 days.
Would work out with similar money but option to increase.

I would have 1.5 days every week for me child free
All holidays wouldn't be covered.

WWYD?

Stay in lesser paid role for easier life
Go for better role and have time to yourself every week?

Younger child is Autistic and very intense.
Current set up works well for her needs but not so much for mine.

Someone gave me some advice once when I was trying to work out whether to go for a promotion or not. It's not a permanent commitment. If it doesn't work out, or you don't enjoy it, then try something else. But don't miss out on an opportunity just because you're not sure because noone is ever sure.

Also, I have an interview next week for a job change that sounds a little scary on paper but it's something I want to try, so I am going for it. Keeping fingers crossed for both of us.

How much flexibility is there with the hours you’d be working? I used to work 25 hours over 3 days. In the holidays I’d do 2 long days and take 5 hours leave per week. Husband would work four days over 3 and take the other as leave. It meant we used minimum holiday entitlement while still being at home with the kids. We were/are lucky to work in jobs with a lot of flexibility though.

You should just go for it and work out how you might make it work if you’re offered the post. Don’t write it off at this stage. If they really want you they may be able to offer a working patterns that fits you better.

Just be careful because I couldn't find childcare for my autistic son once he left primary and ended up having to finish work just because of the school holidays.

I think you should go for the band 7 role as well. Having the regular breaks will be good for you and when you think about it, you have a husband as well so if he needs to take time off during the holidays, he won’t be taking the whole week off, it’ll just be your working days so he can cover 3 weeks in the summer time for example easily.
It’s progression for you, you have time for your self every week except during the holidays which seem positive to me for when she starts getting independent

Well it's a no brainer ain't it really. Go for the new role

Younger child is nine, with needs? What is the cost of holiday childcare?

I would stay put a few more years if you can, if it was me

It’s such a familiar scenario and I also did years of a term time role well below my capabilities to be there for the family while my husband’s career flourished and he’s now head of a very big department in the NHS.

I slightly regret it in hindsight but it seemed to make sense at the time. And we’re together so I do benefit from his career success. Just would have been nice to have more of my own.

We tried everything. But just wasn’t viable - the additional costs meant that any extra money I took home was swallowed into the enhanced childcare during the holidays. And to say there are limited options is the understatement.

I did it for the job which I really did enjoy, but it just made home life so stressful. The build up to and come down from each holiday was horrendous. I realised that my child needs time to decompress from expectations of school in each holiday and adding in clubs just added to his stress, this then impacted on the whole family stress! It’s really difficult, as you should one hundred percent be able to achieve your own goals and be fulfilled as a parent. But, with a child like mine, one of us has to be around and flexible and in our family, I was the only one with the possibility of going back to term time.

I was a HCP for the NHS in a former life, but I now work in Education in a term time role. I have one DC with an Autism diagnosis and another who is awaiting assessment. I've worked full time, part time, shifts, TTO and of course there are pros and cons to every working pattern.

I found that when I worked for the NHS, although I was only working 3 days a week at the point I decided to change careers, having gone up to Band 7 the level of stress and responsibility increased dramatically. It just wasn't worth the extra money in the end. I was doing a lot of admin at home in my own time to stay afloat and was too stressed to enjoy my days off anyway. But that's just my experience and I'm sure there are plenty of people working at the same level who find it manageable. Also this was 10 years ago so things may well have changed.

I currently work 30 hours over 4 days TTO and this means that, in addition to no worries about holiday childcare, I get a day to myself every week in term time. For me this is a really good balance. If you decided to stay in your current role, could you make a Flexible Working request to work your hours over 4 days instead of 5? Just a thought.

The holidays can certainly be intense due to the DC's needs. DH takes the kids away for a few days every summer so I get a proper break and that has been a game changer for me. The kids also have playdates with friends, sleepovers and the odd day out with Grandparents which helps. If you don't have those options then I can see why the holidays would be very hard work.

A lot of posters have asked whether your DD would "cope" with holiday childcare. I think this is tricky because there is an element of not knowing until you try, but also kids needs do change over time. My own Autistic DD would certainly appear to cope in a holiday club, but I know she would be masking a great deal of anxiety and this would likely have a knock on impact on her mood, sleep and behaviour at home. Masking at school is exhausting and she needs proper downtime in the holidays, which means being at home with no pressure to conform and fully able to be herself. This need has certainly increased as she's gotten older, whereas other things have gotten easier to manage.

One thing to keep in mind, some PP have said if you take this new job you could always go back to your old Band 5 TTO role if it doesn't work out. Round here the NHS Trust are phasing out TTO roles completely, so all new School Nurses are employed on all year round contracts. I understand this is happening in other areas as well.

Personally, I wouldn't give up my TTO contract for anything. It's what works best for me and for my family. But every family is different and you have to do what's right for you and yours. Best of luck whatever you decide.

Agencies wouldn’t have worked for us as he needs to have a relationship with an adult and we have limited family nearby

How old is your child with ASD? It may not be the same where you are but holiday childcare disappears where I live when children hit 12 even if they have a significant disability. My son is 14 and needs supervising 24hours a day and we get 2 5hour slots a week of respite in the holidays with no way of buying any more

If there were no SN involved I'd say it'd be a no brainer to take the band 7, even at the ages your children are. I'm sure you could work the holidays out between you and DH, maybe pay a student just to be around some of the holiday days to keep an eye on them and make sure they eat, and are not stuck to screens all day etc

I stayed TTO as DH's job was very difficult, irregular hours, working away at short notice etc, I was operating like a single parent for a lot of the time and adding in a full time job on top would have been a strain. Now my kids are 20 and nearly 18, though, and I'm sick of it now. They haven't wanted to do anything much with me during the holidays for a number of years now, understandably, so I find I get sort of lonely during the holidays as I don't know many other people who are TTO apart from my colleagues and I want a break from most of them! The holidays seem to drag on and I get stuck in a rut. I'm also exhausted by the end of each term working nearly 9 hour days each day so seem to spend the first few days or week of a holiday recovering! Then I've got the house and garden to sort which has built up into a mess....etc. A regular day off during the week would be brilliant. AND once A- levels are over with then holidays would be about half the price I have to pay now.

So there are definite advantages to non-term time posts because there are downsides!

However, with your DD having SN and it soon being secondary school time it makes your decision much harder. Secondary school is very hard for kids with ASD, completely different from primary. They can really struggle even if they managed before. Add in hormones, having to be more independent and organise themselves, left to their own devices at breaks and lunchtimes pretty much, crowded and noisy corridors in between each lesson, multiple different teachers who won't know them as well as their one primary teacher, they can end up totally out of their comfort zone.......I feel like teenagers need their parents even more than pre-teens.

Is there any scope with being able to drop a day or two during school holidays only, with the band 7 role? Maybe not, considering the type of role it is.

I've recently made the decision whether to go down to term time working or 3 days a week for my wellbeing. I decided on 3 days a week to have some time for myself and it does help that there's less childcare to find over the holidays. It's a nice mix. Plus, I've been lucky to find a good holiday club that I can book the kids in as a back up if DH or I can't cover all the hols with leave. Different situation as no additional needs but I feel that it's a good thing them going in. Socialising with other children, and not such a shock to their systems when they return to school setting. Also means I don't feel the pressure to take them out on my days if I know they'll be in holiday club the next day. I see it as a win win.

@Iamnotalemming this is great advice! Helps you to keep moving forward.

Good luck for your interview

I work 32 hours a week and have 3 kids (two with Sen) both have complex needs and attend a specialist school. I work term time only though as no childcare would take my youngest (10) as she’s very challenging. Middle dc would have struggled attending anything when younger but is now 13 and there’s no childcare options. I’m like you, utterly knackered but in my case thinking of giving up work as I can’t reduce my hours and the demands of work are proving too much.

What does your DH think? I’d investigate childcare options for your 9 year old and talk about what you and your DH could cover. Term time only is really helpful but given the high needs of my kids, it has left me hugely burnt out as I have no really time for myself.

@ScentOfSawdust not sure how much flexibility.
It's advertised as 22.5 hours.

Think it's a case of won't know until I try.

It's always so tricky juggling work with family.

@eatdrinkandbemerry this is definitely something to consider.

I'm really sorry you had to give up work completely. I hope things are working out for your DS. Hopefully you can get back go work if that's what you want to do?

@Twiglets1 I'm sorry that you have some regrets over the choices you made.

It really is hard to make a decision that is right for everyone and it does seem most times that a man's career can progress.

I am close to my children and have been there for them a lot whilst still managing to maintain some kind of career but I took a big drop down and see others who were once the same as me now way ahead which can be hard .

@redbirdblackbird this is definitely something I need to think about.

My current job does mean that at every school break my DD gets to rest and regulate and my DS also knows I'm always here.

@neverbeenskiing my current role was originally 30 hours over 4 days and I requested to stretch out to suit my DD better, it might be an option to change back but currently it does save us money as we only pay for ASC twice a week as opposed to 4 days.

I am considering applying for a job too that would mean childcare wouldn't be covered over the holidays and it's making me doubt whether to go for it. Two teenagers would be fine, but not the youngest two. Such a headache. Now I see why many choose lower paid roles to accommodate the difficulty covering childcare in the holidays.

@Geneticsbunny my DD is 9.

@CurlyhairedAssassin yes, completely agree.

If my DD wasn't Autistic it would make the decision much easier.

I don't know how she will cope with High School. She might sail through it or it may be very tricky for her.

@Goddessonahighway this sounds great, glad it's been the right decision for you.

This has been my thinking that week to week I will have some breathing space for me.