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AIBU?

Knowing what you know now, would you have still made the same decision about having children?

382 replies

Drsparks · 01/01/2024 15:20

I'm not necessarily asking if you regret it but if you had all the facts, and knew exactly how it would pan out would you have still made the same choice?

Eg
I would of had kids earlier/later.
Or
I chose not to have them because I wanted a childfree life but having lived it, I would have chosen to have kids because it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
Or
I love my kids 100% but in hindsight I'd of probably been happier with a childfree life
or
Yes it is 109% the right choice

OP posts:
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inappropriateportioncontrol · 07/01/2024 10:02

Oh @TinasLostHerSparkle I'm so so sorry .I wish I could think of something to say to ease your pain. But of course I can't.
The only thing I can offer ( it helps me ) is endlessly listening to podcasts and drama series on BBC sounds etc through earbuds.
BrewCakeFlowers

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Ilovelurchers · 07/01/2024 10:07

I'm absolutely delighted with my decision to have the one child I have - even tho I am not with her dad any more, we co-parent really well I think and she is a wonderful person and very much the best thing I have ever done.

I became unexpectedly pregnant a lot later with my current partner, and lost the pregnancy. Tho this was traumatic at the time, I do feel overall, difficult as it feels to admit this, that it was for the best, as I think we would have struggled practically and financially (though no doubt if the son or daughter I was carrying were here now they would be tremendously loved and we would be unable to imagine life without them).

I might feel the absence of a son more if I did not have an adult stepson (from yet another previous relationship!) who I am close to.

A lot of being happy in life is accepting what is, rather than getting lost in an impossible maze of what ifs. But having said that, it's only human to speculate.

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TinasLostHerSparkle · 07/01/2024 10:07

@inappropriateportioncontrol
Thank you so much for your kind words. They mean a lot ❤️
I do spend a lot of time listening to podcasts and music. Xx

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Ifhappylittlebluebirdsfly222 · 07/01/2024 10:13

I would want the exact same child at the same age I had him (23) but would go back to the age of 18 and make a different choice about my education before having a child. Ended up doing a degree with the OU and a toddler at home.

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ClairDeLaLune · 07/01/2024 10:23

2 kids and 100% would still have had them. I love being a mum and I love us being a family. I was mid/late 30s when I had them due to fertility issues. Ideally I would have had them earlier and had 4.

It is hard work though and it does change your life. It requires total commitment, and for you to be putting their needs in front of your own wants. I would say if you have doubts don’t have them.

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WickedSerious · 07/01/2024 17:17

TinasLostHerSparkle · 07/01/2024 09:46

Knowing what I know know I absolute would not have had children. Mum to 2 late teens with special needs. It has been relentless for the past 19 years. I do love them. But the stress of having them has destroyed my career, my marriage, my whole life.
Not a day goes by when I don't think about ending it all or just running away. I can't even cry anymore so all the pain stays locked away inside and sits on my chest like some deadweight.
If anyone is offended by what I have said please do not pile on. I feel near suicidal already. I know I need therapy. But there is not a speck of space in my head to think about myself.

I don't know what to say to you other than my two are older but I understand exactly how you feel.

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SleepQuest33 · 07/01/2024 17:43

TinasLostHerSparkle · Today 09:46

Knowing what I know know I absolute would not have had children. Mum to 2 late teens with special needs. It has been relentless for the past 19 years. I do love them. But the stress of having them has destroyed my career, my marriage, my whole life.
Not a day goes by when I don't think about ending it all or just running away. I can't even cry anymore so all the pain stays locked away inside and sits on my chest like some deadweight.
If anyone is offended by what I have said please do not pile on. I feel near suicidal already. I know I need therapy. But there is not a speck of space in my head to think about myself.

I am so so sorry my lovely. ❤️ please can you contact social services to see if you can get respite? What about residential schools?

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