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AIBU?

PIL gave their Christmas presents from us away

433 replies

olympicsrock · 01/01/2024 13:46

PIL came to stay before Christmas. It was hard going. They are very ‘particular ‘ people. DH had a big fall out with BIL 10 years ago . We see them at family occasions only and do send gifts to BIL’s child. PIL have pushed for a reconciliation hard over the years. We get on fine with DH’s sister who has adult children but we agreed years ago not to exchange adult presents . ( kids under 18 only) .

During visit PIL gave our kids presents and the children gave them a small present back each . We agreed not to exchange adult presents then so that we all had something to open on Christmas Day.
I put BIL’s child’s gift in a bag with a label - (it was pretty full )and asked them to deliver it.
On the day that they left DH put the gifts for PIL , he says he said here are your presents ( expensive and thoughtful presents) on our kitchen table next to Christmas cards for the siblings that they would deliver . No labels on the gifts but FIL always gets a bottle and MIL loves reading ( rectangular parcel)

FIL must have put the wrapped bottle in the child’s gift bag and MIL decided that because the pile of books for her was next to a card for DH‘s sister then the gift must be for SIL .

None of them have told lazy BIL that the bottle he received ‘from DH’ was not meant for him. Awkward as he did not send birthday or Christmas gifts to our kids . They did however finally tell the lovely sister so MIL did get her gift. I am relieved because I do not want the expectation of having to buy and post and exchange gifts with adult extended family.

Today I told MIL that DH was upset about the mistake because he put time into choosing MIL’s gift. She initially said that they did nothing wrong as it was ‘obvious’ that the gifts were for the siblings and we should have labelled them.
I said that if in doubt they should have checked with us. She replied that I wasn’t there when they left and they had no doubt . I said you could have phoned and didn’t you think it was odd for you to have no gifts from us and why we were sending gifts to family who we never exchanged gifts with.

She eventually apologised in a very self righteous way for doing harm and I said no harm done but a mistake that could easily have been prevented .

She also was stroppy about them receiving a generous gift of wine from a wine merchant from
my mother that did not contain the sender details. For background my mother gives them a gift of wine every year and I was easily able to confirm that yes the gift was from the usual sender. Aaaghhh!

AIBU that they want to pretend that the gift was from DH to BIL and that they didn’t check! Accept that gift labels would have helped and have said this to DH but to be honest they would only have had a few gifts so not hard to remember.

And would I be unreasonable to suggest that DM doesn’t bother them with a gift from wine merchants next year!

OP posts:

Am I being unreasonable?

2344 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
93%
You are NOT being unreasonable
7%
Sunnydays0101 · 01/01/2024 13:51

I would say the gifts should all have been clearly labelled, given your PIL had to pass gifts to others. It can get confusing otherwise.

BlondeFool · 01/01/2024 13:53

Your post is confusing and it's silly to not label presents.

Sunnydays0101 · 01/01/2024 13:53

And yes, the mistake could have been prevented if you had them all correctly labelled with gifts for each household in separate bags. I think you were mean calling your MIL out on the mistake and blaming her.

3luckystars · 01/01/2024 13:54

I agree they should have been labelled, lesson learned.

Valhalla17 · 01/01/2024 13:54

You should have labelled the gifts. This isn't their fault at all.

LenaLamont · 01/01/2024 13:54

You and DH caused the confusion by not labelling gifts as well as giving your PIL gifts to pass on.

Tawlk · 01/01/2024 13:55

There would have been no confusion had presents been labelled. I don’t think you can be too put out of they weren’t labelled, it’s just a mistake lesson learned for next year. I wouldn’t give it any more thought.

Sunnydays0101 · 01/01/2024 13:55

Your MIL may have been confused about the wine from your Mum, not labelled. Forgot she gets one each year from her and assumed it was a gift for her or FIL from your DH.

Dishwashersaurous · 01/01/2024 13:56

I don't understand why the.gifts weren't labelled. Are they just expected to remember who gave what present?

This confusion is entirely on you for not putting labels on the gifts.

And again, if sending a gift it is necessary to say who it's from, otherwise people won't know.

Just label your gifts

Babyblackbear78 · 01/01/2024 13:56

Just label the gifts. This could have all been avoided.

TomatoSandwiches · 01/01/2024 13:56

Your PILs have done nothing wrong, label your gifts.

pinkyredrose · 01/01/2024 13:57

What a load of fuss over nothing.

CeeceeBloomingdale · 01/01/2024 13:58

You didn't label them then want to blame everyone else. Just label them in future, it avoids all this fuss and confusion.

Blueberry911 · 01/01/2024 13:58

pinkyredrose · 01/01/2024 13:57

What a load of fuss over nothing.

This sums it up nicely.

Abouttimemum · 01/01/2024 13:58

Yes sorry you need to label gifts, the whole thing would have been avoided if you’d just popped a sticker on it.

EVHead · 01/01/2024 13:58

I couldn’t follow your description. No wonder they were confused.

VisionsOfSplendour · 01/01/2024 14:01

You post is as confusing as your lack of labels on the presents. Isn't it obvious that's a recipe for mix ups?

melj1213 · 01/01/2024 14:01

Label, label, label!

Any time there are multiple presents for multiple people you need to label everything - you might know which gift is for which person but they don't, and even if you tell them they could forget by the time they come to open them so labels are basic common sense

I wrapped all of the gifts for my siblings children early this year and then put them all in one large storage bag out of the way until I could deliver them. Once they were wrapped, some gifts looked identical even though they were very different things inside, and I had forgotten which paper I had used for which child by the time I got them out to sort/deliver so I was very glad I had labelled them when I wrapped them.

NeedToChangeName · 01/01/2024 14:01

As others have said, this is on you for not labelling gifts

And then going on about it with MIL afterwards

Let it go!

Bookworm1111 · 01/01/2024 14:01

Totally on you for not labelling and you owe your MIL an apology for forcing one from her when it wasn't her fault.

superking · 01/01/2024 14:01

As someone who ends up transferring gifts to and from extended family members every Christmas I have every sympathy with your MIL. I'm happy to do it but it is another extra thing to remember during a really hectic period, and if anyone left anything with me unlabelled, expected me to remember who it was from and for, and then berated me for forgetting then it would not end well!

Needmorelego · 01/01/2024 14:02

Well that was a confusing read. I can't figure out who gave gifts and who got gifts at all.
One minute you said you agreed "no adult gifts" but then talking about gifts to your parents in law. Are they not adults?

Goodnightto2023 · 01/01/2024 14:02

If I were your MIL I'd have been really pissed off at you going on and on about why it was somehow their fault. It was a mistake. Your mistake.

Snorkmaidenn · 01/01/2024 14:02

Your poor MIL.

SparkleyMud · 01/01/2024 14:05

Use gift tags rather than expecting people to mind or gift read

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