PIL came to stay before Christmas. It was hard going. They are very ‘particular ‘ people. DH had a big fall out with BIL 10 years ago . We see them at family occasions only and do send gifts to BIL’s child. PIL have pushed for a reconciliation hard over the years. We get on fine with DH’s sister who has adult children but we agreed years ago not to exchange adult presents . ( kids under 18 only) .
During visit PIL gave our kids presents and the children gave them a small present back each . We agreed not to exchange adult presents then so that we all had something to open on Christmas Day.
I put BIL’s child’s gift in a bag with a label - (it was pretty full )and asked them to deliver it.
On the day that they left DH put the gifts for PIL , he says he said here are your presents ( expensive and thoughtful presents) on our kitchen table next to Christmas cards for the siblings that they would deliver . No labels on the gifts but FIL always gets a bottle and MIL loves reading ( rectangular parcel)
FIL must have put the wrapped bottle in the child’s gift bag and MIL decided that because the pile of books for her was next to a card for DH‘s sister then the gift must be for SIL .
None of them have told lazy BIL that the bottle he received ‘from DH’ was not meant for him. Awkward as he did not send birthday or Christmas gifts to our kids . They did however finally tell the lovely sister so MIL did get her gift. I am relieved because I do not want the expectation of having to buy and post and exchange gifts with adult extended family.
Today I told MIL that DH was upset about the mistake because he put time into choosing MIL’s gift. She initially said that they did nothing wrong as it was ‘obvious’ that the gifts were for the siblings and we should have labelled them.
I said that if in doubt they should have checked with us. She replied that I wasn’t there when they left and they had no doubt . I said you could have phoned and didn’t you think it was odd for you to have no gifts from us and why we were sending gifts to family who we never exchanged gifts with.
She eventually apologised in a very self righteous way for doing harm and I said no harm done but a mistake that could easily have been prevented .
She also was stroppy about them receiving a generous gift of wine from a wine merchant from
my mother that did not contain the sender details. For background my mother gives them a gift of wine every year and I was easily able to confirm that yes the gift was from the usual sender. Aaaghhh!
AIBU that they want to pretend that the gift was from DH to BIL and that they didn’t check! Accept that gift labels would have helped and have said this to DH but to be honest they would only have had a few gifts so not hard to remember.
And would I be unreasonable to suggest that DM doesn’t bother them with a gift from wine merchants next year!