PIL gave their Christmas presents from us away

[olympicsrock]

PIL came to stay before Christmas. It was hard going. They are very ‘particular ‘ people. DH had a big fall out with BIL 10 years ago . We see them at family occasions only and do send gifts to BIL’s child. PIL have pushed for a reconciliation hard over the years. We get on fine with DH’s sister who has adult children but we agreed years ago not to exchange adult presents . ( kids under 18 only) .

During visit PIL gave our kids presents and the children gave them a small present back each . We agreed not to exchange adult presents then so that we all had something to open on Christmas Day.
I put BIL’s child’s gift in a bag with a label - (it was pretty full )and asked them to deliver it.
On the day that they left DH put the gifts for PIL , he says he said here are your presents ( expensive and thoughtful presents) on our kitchen table next to Christmas cards for the siblings that they would deliver . No labels on the gifts but FIL always gets a bottle and MIL loves reading ( rectangular parcel)

FIL must have put the wrapped bottle in the child’s gift bag and MIL decided that because the pile of books for her was next to a card for DH‘s sister then the gift must be for SIL .

None of them have told lazy BIL that the bottle he received ‘from DH’ was not meant for him. Awkward as he did not send birthday or Christmas gifts to our kids . They did however finally tell the lovely sister so MIL did get her gift. I am relieved because I do not want the expectation of having to buy and post and exchange gifts with adult extended family.

Today I told MIL that DH was upset about the mistake because he put time into choosing MIL’s gift. She initially said that they did nothing wrong as it was ‘obvious’ that the gifts were for the siblings and we should have labelled them.
I said that if in doubt they should have checked with us. She replied that I wasn’t there when they left and they had no doubt . I said you could have phoned and didn’t you think it was odd for you to have no gifts from us and why we were sending gifts to family who we never exchanged gifts with.

She eventually apologised in a very self righteous way for doing harm and I said no harm done but a mistake that could easily have been prevented .

She also was stroppy about them receiving a generous gift of wine from a wine merchant from
my mother that did not contain the sender details. For background my mother gives them a gift of wine every year and I was easily able to confirm that yes the gift was from the usual sender. Aaaghhh!

AIBU that they want to pretend that the gift was from DH to BIL and that they didn’t check! Accept that gift labels would have helped and have said this to DH but to be honest they would only have had a few gifts so not hard to remember.

And would I be unreasonable to suggest that DM doesn’t bother them with a gift from wine merchants next year!

Most bizarre thread ever

Bored now, let's move on and have a lovely 2024... OP has buggered off anyway, doesn't like being in the wrong clearly!

On just one page, here are things posted about:
Gifts should have been labeled. How were PIL to know if the gifts were for them?
I agree, gifts should have been labeled, but some things are common sense, especially when followed by,
You/DH get the same bottle of scotch and a book every year for PIL. That's not thoughtful
Hhmmmm...so they get the same thing every year but lo and behold, THIS year they can't figure out who the recipients were supposed to be, when they were the same size as all the previous years? Sure, I understand that and will address it as soon as I sell my ocean front property with a perfect view of the Brooklyn Bridge here in Phoenix, AZ
Not getting a present for BIL's DC is just mean. An innocent child. Those "lovely people", BIL (and his wife who seems to have no mind of her own), do not reciprocate, according to PP. So, why should they continue being mugs and having THEIR DC let down because the BIL is obviously an extremely self-centered, nasty, piece of human excrement?

OP--PLEASE tell your DM to not bother sending PIL a gift next year, since they don't seem to appreciate it. I would also stop buying PIL a gift and just stick a gift certificate in their Christmas card. Just make sure it is properly labelled and sealed. Hopefully, someday, your BIL will get his just desserts for doing all that to your DH, you and your business. Your DH was wrong to not label the gifts but who knows, if MIL/FIL are so set on trying to get everyone to kiss and make-up, they might have just removed the tags and still played dumb. I think LC should be the rule for this year. The truth is, you can pick your friends, you can pick your flowers, you can pick your nose, but, you can't pick your family. All you can do is forge strong friendships that can be like family and keep some/most/all family at arm's length.

I've read the OP 4 times and I still don't get it

This response is as non sensical as the OP, are you connected?

This was hard to read, it was like your brain vomited it onto the screen. From what I can gather…

You didn’t label them, and then made a big deal that a mistake was made. It could have been easily fixed with a couple of phone calls (all be it a slightly awkward one to your BIL), and you all could have giggled about it.

“She eventually apologised in a very self righteous way for doing harm and I said no harm done but a mistake that could easily have been prevented.” You could have prevented it, I assume what you saw as ‘self righteous’ was her feeling a mix of defensiveness and gobsmacked at your overreaction.

Also, it sounds more like she was confused and wanted to ensure she thanked the correct person for the gift of wine. Are you always slightly hostile towards your in-laws (you refer to your BIL as lazy and say he doesn’t buy presents for your kids. Does he expect you to buy for his child? Have you discussed it? Can he afford to?). If so that might be why she wasn’t sure whether to trust you.

I sympathise with the issues you've been caused by your brother-in-law. I have a friend who lost their business and almost their house in very similar circumstances. She really struggles to be polite when she has to meet him. And she has similar pressure and expectations from elderly parents to play nice. It can't be easy.

Maybe think of the whole thing as some excruciatingly awful Christmas farce put on by the local community theatre. I see it as being set in a rambling old vicarage where everyone is snowed in and has to spend Christmas together against their wishes.

Presents are being left on tables, under the tree, in people's bedrooms ... The wrong people are all finding them and making assumptions about who has given them and why. The vicar's wife accidentally ends up with the lingerie meant for the person with whom the local squire is having an affair, and she decides to start flirting with him because she's fed up with her husband's sermons.

The parlourmaid accidentally delivers the stolen jewels, which were wrapped up in Christmas paper by the Butler to deceive the local police when they came to investigate, to the vicar, who finds himself in a moral dilemma. You can fill in the details for yourself!

Hopefully, you can come to think of this entire event as a similar farce that isn't worth thinking about any further.

The BIL speaks! LOL!

Love how people who have nothing to add to the conversation just make uneducated, unintelligent comments and actually think they are being witty.
You succeeded doing that quite well!