This generation of grandparents - vent with me please

[icelollybrolly]

Not sure why I’m surprised considering most of my childhood memories are of my own grandma looking after us more than my parents but, still. I have 2 small children and can’t believe how much my parents just don’t care to actually make an effort to support me/see them/spend meaningful time with them. If they look after them it’s because I just about had to beg them for childcare once every few months, and all they do is sit in the house with them or take them for a happy meal. They never ask to have them or even pop over to see them, but funnily enough my mum will spam her facebook with pictures I’ve sent them of the kids as if she’s taken them, and her friends all gush about how lovely it must be being a grandma etc and she goes on as if they’re her world. Or if they see them and toddler says/does something clever they’ll take credit and say oh we showed her how to do that (not me who’s shown her 100 times no?) It’s a load of shit. How hard is it to spend proper time with your grandkids? They work but have every weekend free, my own grandma was much older when we were kids and she used to take us to farms, cinemas, swimming, all sorts. Just feel let down and sad for my children that their grandparents don’t seem very invested in them.

I absolutely do, I have written in detail about issues my mil had to navigate and how we found understanding on both sides. Aggressive or challenging your glib comments?

What exactly do you fundamentally disagree with because you seem unable to articulate it.

Both sets of grandparents didn't do much for us at all unless it was a real dire emergency
Most of my friends had their parents around on tap , but we had to get on with it and that's how it was

I think your comprehension is pretty awful. I haven't belittled anyone. Seriously, the way you choose to interpret things to twist words and suit your own agenda (to multiple posters on multiple threads) makes replying to you any further not worth my time.

My parents have been involved grandparents with my children but had little support themselves with me as a child.

They are elderly now, but still offer support as much as they can and are rewarded with a very close and bonded relationship with their now older grandchildren.

I work part time and will most definitely be offering childcare for any grandchildren should I be lucky enough to have them.

Well, yes, of course. I posted prior to that: You'd almost think people were individual people, and not stereotyped examples of marketing divisions.

But the reality still stands the OP has encouraged others to "vent" and consequently slag off a supposed generation, as her title labels, the Boomers, without even seeming to grasp which of these generations her parents are in.

Funny how reporting ageist millennial cuntery has had no effect. Almost as if they are being protected. 🤔

Happy to inherit the assets of those parents you hate so much though, I bet.

Greedy, whining hypocrites.

It’s impossible to be the best or be perfect. You’re human. Don’t be too hard on yourself. My mum was far from perfect and had her flaws but she’s still my hero. We are very close. You don’t need to be the best at parenting, you just need love and know you did what was best for them.

Agree, no one is perfect. I'm not. I try to apologise when I can. Showing you love your child, you can admit some flaws and can listen I think is what counts. My mum could do none of that and I still loved and visited her.

Exactly, well said.

OMG! I could have written this myself! I only have one parent now, but it’s a quick 5 min check from them and then gone! My in laws do not bother with us at all! I believe it’ll make me an awesome grandmother when it’s my turn!!

I don’t think a post on Mumsnet has ever resonated so much with me as this one has.

YANBU, that is so rude and frustrating. I think if your DM is prone to embellishing the truth and behaving like this, it’s probably a blessing that they’re LC with your DC. I could not imagine having a grandchild and not wanting to spend every single conceivable moment with them that I’m able to. Without treading on GCs parents of course. 😁

My grandparents never looked after us when we were kids but my parents are the opposite and I’m eternally grateful that they will do anything for me and my children my oldest stays over at my parents house at least once a month and my parents regularly plan days out with them.

Even if I have to spend a few days in bed after, I'll do my damn hardest to offer my children a night off if/when they have children because I know how it has broken me having no help and no time off. Doesn't do much for a marriage either when you're both mum and dad 24/7

Someone needs to protect millenials from Boomer asshattery: nobody on here said anything that hasn't been said much more harshly elsewhere. Why are boomers so fucking thin skinned!?

I has a great relationship with my GP’s, my parents took me to visit them 4 to 6 times a year for an afternoon. I have fond memories of my visits, I can’t remember them doing anything with me other than being there when I visited.

@icelollybrolly I suppose this was bound to happen with this generation because of the rise in retirement age and the fact that most people of grandparent age are still working, whereas not so many were in the previous generation. So have you thought that they may be too tired to spend much time with the grandchildren after they’ve done a full time job? Children are tiring when you’re young so obviously that feels more so when you’re 50/60/70.

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable at all to wish they cared.

Whether it’s generational I’m not sure. My maternal GP were wonderful with me when I was little, spent so much time with them. Otoh my paternal GP were awful, dad’s dad and his wife. Never had an interest in us despite being retired, the 4 times a year they came by was just them showing off their holiday photos and looking down their nose at us.

I am lucky enough now to have local ILs who are always very keen to be involved and offer childcare despite just having retired very recently, and my own DF who works full time, lives 400 miles away but who we see as often as possible and is much adored by DD.

I think there are just more and more self absorbed people out there these days across all age groups.

Honestly some people are just shit. My own parents live hundreds of miles away, FaceTime my children daily and will make the journey every few months to keep the bond with the children. They adore their maternal grandparents.

My in laws live less than a mile away, are self employed working very few hours, drive past my house a minimum of 6 times a week and did not visit my house in 2023 once. They saw the children a grand total of twice and had the cheek to call Christmas Day and ask to visit - absolutely not.

I have settled with the fact my children do not loose out on a relationship they never had, they can’t miss something that was never there and truly it’s the in laws missing out and I take no responsibility that ultimately they are just shit and don’t care.

They work but have every weekend free,

YABU. Your DC are your responsibility - your parents have done their stint of working and child-rearing.

The mentality here is so different to European countries where the family is the 'village.' I've spent a lot of time in Spain and France and GP's tend to be very involved. This whole we've done our job now you're on your own mentality seems unique to the UK. If you go for a walk along the promenade in Spain in the evenings which lots of local families do, you'll see whole families out together. I've seen 80 year olds on mobility scooters with young children riding with them! Family is the main priority and they spend a lot of time together. Personally I think It's a lovely way to be.

Let's hope the OP remembers that when it's time for her parents to need elder care.

i am a grandma and I ,along with my friends who are Grandparents do look after our Grandchildren when we can . I have had my grandchild once a week overnight since she was born . I do it to help my daughter who is/ was single and as knackering as it is i love having her . Daughter is really grateful. As I am sure your children will be when you are a GP.
The comments on this thread ,inc the title about my generation being shit parents/ grandparents has really upset me because it’s just not true for the circle of friends/ acquaintances that I mix with as a Mum and Grandparent .
Lots of bitterness on this thread ,aimed at the wrong people!! Unfortunately certain people cannot be reasonable because they are so bitter and resentful towards their own family.

@doggiedude I agree, it's not true of the people I know either, far from it and you can't make sweeping statements about a whole generation. It sounds like you are an amazing GP and I'm sure your daughter is extremely grateful. To me, that's what families do for each other, you help out if you can. But I do empathise with the bitterness and resentment because we get no support. My parents are too old to provide help but we are extremely close, my mum had me later in life and IL's just live their own lives. Funnily enough they also love to take all the photos and send them round, I will admit that seems like a common theme here. In terms of generalisations, I know a lot of people whose parents are really good to them and do a lot of childcare and they completely take them for granted and slag them off. 'Eurgh mum wants to come and stay and take the girls out again' or 'I can't believe she won't have the boys this weekend as well as next, she's recovered from her op now and she owes us for all the months she's been on bed rest.' This kills me because I would be so grateful to even have the opportunity to moan about GP's helping out. I would never say any of this in RL because I would hate for anyone to think I'm bitter but it does get to me. I'm always scared of getting ill because

hi, yes. have responded to this a couple of times already. my granny who looked after us and just about raised us was a full time uni lecturer. she also volunteered part time for a charity actually and devoted many hours to them. so yes, i have considered that and no, that’s not the issue here. :)