This generation of grandparents - vent with me please

[icelollybrolly]

Not sure why I’m surprised considering most of my childhood memories are of my own grandma looking after us more than my parents but, still. I have 2 small children and can’t believe how much my parents just don’t care to actually make an effort to support me/see them/spend meaningful time with them. If they look after them it’s because I just about had to beg them for childcare once every few months, and all they do is sit in the house with them or take them for a happy meal. They never ask to have them or even pop over to see them, but funnily enough my mum will spam her facebook with pictures I’ve sent them of the kids as if she’s taken them, and her friends all gush about how lovely it must be being a grandma etc and she goes on as if they’re her world. Or if they see them and toddler says/does something clever they’ll take credit and say oh we showed her how to do that (not me who’s shown her 100 times no?) It’s a load of shit. How hard is it to spend proper time with your grandkids? They work but have every weekend free, my own grandma was much older when we were kids and she used to take us to farms, cinemas, swimming, all sorts. Just feel let down and sad for my children that their grandparents don’t seem very invested in them.

It's a crime to physically harm anyone isn't it? Why would that change just because the target / victim is your child?

That's a horrible thing to say. You aren't coming out of this thread at all well. I'm sorry your parents were not warm and loving to you and your siblings when you were growing up, and I'm sorry they don't want a proper relationship with your children now. But none of that justifies lashing out at other people here, nor generalising in the ageist way you have done, repeatedly, and then refusing even to acknowledge that you're doing it and facilitating others doing it.

because it’s literally turning into a thread that is nothing to do with my original post - which quite honestly summarises the generation who don’t want any assumptions made about them, proving to be exactly the same type of people as they’re claiming not to be. the jokes are writing themselves. i’ve said about 3 times to leave the thread if you’re here to focus on one word in the title and yet they keep pushing and making it about themselves, it’s too ironic.

Like I said, nasty women always make the best parents. I can see why yours avoid you 😆 You are soooooo bitter. Please seek therapy for your anger issues or, before you know it, your own kids will be coming on here to tell everyone what a dreadful childhood you provided for them.

You obtusely choose to miss the point, these ideas of 'little family' and exclusion zones are a relatively new fad, giving birth hasn't changed all that much! Your sentence regarding grandchild must make sense in your mind, mine's unable to decipher its nonsense.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g

That's a horrible thing to say. You aren't coming out of this thread at all well. I'm sorry your parents were not warm and loving to you and your siblings when you were growing up, and I'm sorry they don't want a proper relationship with your children now. But none of that justifies lashing out at other people here, nor generalising in the ageist way you have done, repeatedly, and then refusing even to acknowledge that you're doing it and facilitating others doing it.

Have to say I completely agree with you here .

Sorry darling, you get to start a thread, you don't get to choose who responds to it.

I have a lot of sympathy for someone venting about their disinherited parents who then show off on FB, but you are really not doing yourself any favours now. You made a mistake of suggesting that this is a generational thing which it isn't. Instead of admitting your error, you are being nasty and aggressive.

Disinterested not disinherited!

That's a horrible thing to say. You aren't coming out of this thread at all well. I'm sorry your parents were not warm and loving to you and your siblings when you were growing up, and I'm sorry they don't want a proper relationship with your children now. But none of that justifies lashing out at other people here, nor generalising in the ageist way you have done, repeatedly, and then refusing even to acknowledge that you're doing it and facilitating others doing it.

and

I have a lot of sympathy for someone venting about their disinherited parents who then show off on FB, but you are really not doing yourself any favours now. You made a mistake of suggesting that this is a generational thing which it isn't. Instead of admitting your error, you are being nasty and aggressive.

Awful isn't it? Women expecting their wishes around childbirth to be taken seriously? Because that's what's changed! And for the better.

@mapleriver "I think the new age attitude of acting like 60 is the new 30 is all well and good until people take it to the extreme and don't invest enough in relationships with their grown up children because they cant sacrifice the gym/drinking/meals/trips to help their kids out with grandkids or just spend some genuine quality time without talking about how much they love socialising and how limber they are despite their age and who said what. No people aren't entitled to help with their kids from their parents, but at the same time older people aren't entitled to help with technology/lifts places when they're too old to drive/sorting the shopping out but most of the time it will be expected once they get to that stage."

That's a horrible attitude. 'Older' people (and 60 is not old; most of us still have years of working life ahead of us!) are not there for your convenience just because you chose to have children!

Do you seriously think that, when people get to an age where they're freed from the ties of raising children and working, we shouldn't be 'allowed' to, you know, have some time carved out for ourselves before we fucking die??!!

I don't have any gc yet. When/if I do, I hope to have a close relationship with them, just as my parents did with my kids - even though they were never in a position to mind them, as we lived too far away.

Sorry lady but I am DONE with 'sacrificing'!!! AND I don't need my tech sorted, I can drive my own car, and I can do my own shopping perfectly well for myself. When/if I need help, I can pay for it, the same as I did childcare... Though my children don't expect some form of 'tit for tat' like so many here seem to espouse...

What a load of stereotyped, ageist, utter bollocksology has been spouted throughout this thread!!

It's not actually. Your parents cared for you as a child. You care (or don't, please your bloody self!) for them when you are an adult. No transaction required in between for grandchildren.

How did this generation raise such fucking entitled, spoilt brats? TG I didn't rear my kids to think like that.

Really nasty and completely unnecessary. You need to grow up.

Mumsnet (and AIBU in particular) is not the place to go if you only want people to agree with you. You don’t get to police who responds.

Rubbish. I had 3 c/sections and the first person I wanted to see (DH having been present) was my mum, and then my dad. I didn't want a week to recover before seeing them anyway.

When I had my kids, we welcomed them into a family that included grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins... not of this precious crap of pushing everyone away and then moaning!! I actively WANTED to share the joy of my children with them, and I think it's weird, if you have a decent relationship, that you wouldn't want to!

Now everyone can see why your parents might wish to distance themselves.

All the best for your big birthday @thegreylady!

It's great that you were willing and able to contribute in that way, and that everyone got so much out of it.

In MN world, you have now 'banked' help with tech, your shopping done for you, getting lifts, and being cared for into your old age!!!!

(Am sure you don't think that way at all - just pointing out some of the lunacy being spouted here!)

@allmyliesaretrue ..every comment you have made have been spot on !Am so glad that my children haven't grown up, into entitled, disrespectful brats!
Love your bolocksology word😊.My new word for 2024 !

I dread to think what I will be like when it's one of my daughters @saraclara !!

I was pacing the floors when it was my sisters - on two of those occasions I was in the actual hospital!!! I am sure so many here would hate that. My parents couldn't be there, so I went. That's how we roll thankfully in my family.

Literally raised you - or provided the childcare while they worked to rear your sorry ass - the very care that you now feel entitled to from your parents???

Why are you so hellbent on misinterpreting everything?

If you can't understand, then I guess you never will.

Yours is simply petulant and lacking in understanding.

I agree with @SALWARP2023 except that I had my children as an older mum, so there were nurseries/childminders. I got 18 weeks' paid maternity leave. I'd done my two years to qualify.

😂 People of grandparent age were in the forefront of signing up to Facebook when Facebook was first invented 😂