This generation of grandparents - vent with me please

[icelollybrolly]

Not sure why I’m surprised considering most of my childhood memories are of my own grandma looking after us more than my parents but, still. I have 2 small children and can’t believe how much my parents just don’t care to actually make an effort to support me/see them/spend meaningful time with them. If they look after them it’s because I just about had to beg them for childcare once every few months, and all they do is sit in the house with them or take them for a happy meal. They never ask to have them or even pop over to see them, but funnily enough my mum will spam her facebook with pictures I’ve sent them of the kids as if she’s taken them, and her friends all gush about how lovely it must be being a grandma etc and she goes on as if they’re her world. Or if they see them and toddler says/does something clever they’ll take credit and say oh we showed her how to do that (not me who’s shown her 100 times no?) It’s a load of shit. How hard is it to spend proper time with your grandkids? They work but have every weekend free, my own grandma was much older when we were kids and she used to take us to farms, cinemas, swimming, all sorts. Just feel let down and sad for my children that their grandparents don’t seem very invested in them.

I have a friend who won't mind her grandchildren. They are little monsters. The days have gone where a nan could tell them off.

No, it’s what I think of people who retired 50 years ago.

Because boomers advocate the use of physical harm as a punishment. I have read the thread and all the people saying they didn't so it didn't happen.

It happened in large enough amounts they made it a crime.

I'm with you OP. Although in our circle of friends we're the only ones with no help. DH was a best man at a wedding and we had to get a babysitter otherwise I wouldn't have been able to go. They'd booked us a lovely room at the venue so we could be a part of it all but we had to drive home early as I wouldn't leave my kids with a babysitter over night, as lovely as she is. Everyone else had GPs looking after their kids and people just don't understand it. One of the conversations was how they'd never leave their kids with babysitters, it's always family which made me feel pretty shit. It's not through choice.

I'll often message friends and say about meeting up and doing stuff at weekends and their GPs have taken kids out for the day or to a park for a few hours so they can get stuff done.

I never say anything but the last time MIL came round, she commented on the state of our garage and all the jobs we need to get done to our house and I couldn't help but say it's really difficult when we've always got the kids around. She likes to regale me with their weekly busy schedules - chiropodist, art class, theatre trips. Only time she's ever helped is so we could go to parents evening for an hour. What galls me is that my DH used to go his nans all the time while they went off on 'art' trips and weekends away and so she could do evening classes. My DH regularly travels with work and can be away for 2 weeks at a time and they don't even message to see how we are. People on here have a very skewed view of things like this but in the real world, our situation is very different to everyone we know. Interesting that they always 'joke' about moving in with us when one of them is no longer around and always say how good we are to them, yet don't return the favour

Then why use the word in the first place. What age of GPs are you referring to anyway?

All of us? Really? Incidentally, can you evidence it being a criminal offence in UK law? It isn’t in Wales.

https://childlawadvice.org.uk/information-pages/the-law-on-smacking-children/#:~:text=What%20is%20the%20law%20on,not%20defined%20in%20this%20legislation.

So only if it causes grievous bodily harm - which is universally a crime.

Much as I abhor corporal punishment, it’s not a criminal offence. That link even says parents can authorise other people to do it.

Determining what charge will be made depends on the harm caused to the child.
The Director of Public Prosecutions for England and Wales has produced a charging standard in order to help prosecutors to determine the appropriate offence in a case. This guidance has suggested that common assault is where injuries amount to no more than the following:

• grazes;
• scratches;
• abrasions;
• minor bruising;
• swellings;
• reddening of the skin;
• superficial cuts;
• a ‘black’ eye.

The charging standard goes on to say that: “… there may be cases where the injuries suffered by a victim would usually amount to common assault but due to the presence of serious aggravating features, they could more appropriately be charged as actual bodily harm.” One such aggravating feature is whether the victim is a child. Even in such cases however, prosecutors are nonetheless required to bear in mind that: “…the definition of assault occasioning actual bodily harm requires the injury to be more than transient and trifling.”

Minor bruising. Tell me any parent who is able to smack a child so gently they don't leave a mark.

Equally that link says it is a crime in Scotland and Wales.

What do you mean by tell them off? How would you like a grandparent to tell off a kid?

They love a bit of gaslighting the people who were hit as kids too have you noticed?

This is what I thought.

Definitely a crime in Scotland to hit kids.

My kids are teens, young 20s. I can't wait to help with the grandkids when the time comes (hopefully not for a good few years yet). I will be going part time and doing as much as I am allowed/able.
The folks who don't, well, it's their loss.
My folks couldn't do much as we were a three hour drive from one another with the in-laws a couple of hours away, but I always remember when they did help with the DS's, they did it so joyfully. No point pushing someone who doesn't want to, because it's a real shame for the GC involved.

It works both ways. I have seven grandchildren whom I love to bits and would love to see them more.
In my experience families don’t rely on grandparents so much these days, particularly if you are the paternal grandparent.

No we don't.... Then minimises it by claiming it's not illegal... Transparent

Not what I meant but OK.

My parents did in fact have a lot of help from our grandparents. And yes, a lot of that is due to grandparents being retired and being around to help with us, whereas my own parents are still working age. DF is 62, DM is 55.

I don't expect childcare but I would expect more interest in my child.

The age of retirement rising ever thus is absolutely screwing future generations over, in more ways than one. This is having a knock on effect on a shortage of child care places as grandparent support is no longer so robustly available as it used to be and so we also now have, due to increasing fees, parents - mainly women let's be honest - dropping out of the workforce.

In your thread title you specifically explain that you are finding fault with an entire generation and yet, when challenged, disingenuously say that said generation is victimising itself! Do you often gaslight people?

Since you are attacking the parenting skills of an entire generation I presume you feel your parenting skills far outweigh theirs? I’m not so sure …

Physical punishment is illegal in Wales

https://www.gov.wales/ending-physical-punishment-children

i said all the boomers whingeing on are victimising themselves. i never once mentioned boomers. my parents are gen x.

regardless if you’re just here to be pedantic over the title please do see yourself out. this isn’t about you. typical of your generation to make it a whingeing session about yourself though and totally ignore the actual discussion eh ;) reminds me so much of my mother, maybe she should’ve been a boomer!

I’ve always suspected that most grandparents join FB just do they can stick pix of their grandkids all over it.

Try correcting those FB posts, or at least say something to her about it.

At least your children have grandparents.

Goodness you’re clever aren’t you? You know my age? How? You’re completely wrong by the way but I can see you’re not the sort to let the facts get in your way 🤪

Like fuck would they be looking after my kids if that’s how they parent!
@icelollybrolly that really isn’t normal or loving