This generation of grandparents - vent with me please

[icelollybrolly]

Not sure why I’m surprised considering most of my childhood memories are of my own grandma looking after us more than my parents but, still. I have 2 small children and can’t believe how much my parents just don’t care to actually make an effort to support me/see them/spend meaningful time with them. If they look after them it’s because I just about had to beg them for childcare once every few months, and all they do is sit in the house with them or take them for a happy meal. They never ask to have them or even pop over to see them, but funnily enough my mum will spam her facebook with pictures I’ve sent them of the kids as if she’s taken them, and her friends all gush about how lovely it must be being a grandma etc and she goes on as if they’re her world. Or if they see them and toddler says/does something clever they’ll take credit and say oh we showed her how to do that (not me who’s shown her 100 times no?) It’s a load of shit. How hard is it to spend proper time with your grandkids? They work but have every weekend free, my own grandma was much older when we were kids and she used to take us to farms, cinemas, swimming, all sorts. Just feel let down and sad for my children that their grandparents don’t seem very invested in them.

Jesus Christ of almighty, don't be wishing that on me!!!! I am a very late boomer, and am unlikely to be a grandparent for some time to come, never mind a great grandparent!! My god!!

Oh gosh you know me so well, yes I’m thick because I used an emoji 😂

Maybe I'm the exception then 62 yr old boomer first gc aged 2.
We are a generation that was born when we were born I won't apologise for that.
I can assure all the younger generations it was not all easy I had no help worked FT husband dropped my child off to me at end of my night shift as he went to work. He was my child so my responsibility there was noone to step in.

This is true too, I don't deliberately go against any of dd's rules for dgs but similarly dd has to accept that my rules here may not be exactly the same as hers at her house. As it is dgs accepts that there can be different rules from different people and doesn't struggle with it. Dd sees it as I managed to raise her and her siblings without incident so she trusts that I will keep dgs happy, safe and well. As it is I am probably stricter and more cautious for his safety than dd is but more likely to indulge him with little gifts for no reason.

I'm 50 with a 31 year old, so my parents, who were teens when they had me, could definitely be great grandparents by 70!

If the cap fits

They did like to beat their kids and do like to still defend beating their kids and an awful lot of them have adult kids who want nothing to with them.... There's definitely some evidence they weren't great statistically

My parents did zilch to help me with childcare and, whilst sad, I never felt that I was owed help. We chose to have children and it was up to us to raise them. Some people on here sound very demanding and disrespectful.
I am now of an age where I may become a grandparent soon myself and would certainly like to offer more support than I ever got. However, I work full time, as does my husband ( we're late fifties) and I am running around after my frail, sick parents. I am actually bloody exhausted and hanging by a thread 99% of the time as it is. Your body does tire more easily as you get older - perhaps not so easy to understand until it happens to you!

Well I'm 60, my eldest is 26, and all of my three are focussed on building their careers not having babies, so...

Children are fortunate to have grandparents at all, in actual fact. Two of mine were dead before I was born. My paternal grandad died when I was 4. The only one I ever knew was my maternal grandma who lived with us.

My kids were effectively left without grandparents when my eldest was 9, youngest 3.

That is the biggest load of evil shit!! We did NOT beat our kids - wtf is wrong with you???

My adult kids live at home with us for various reasons. You are sick!

@Didshejustsaythatoutloud

If you’re not going to get to be a grandparent yourself can you not get involved with your sisters grandkids?
I have an aunty with no grandkids and she’s not massively involved but she used to take them out once a year (or less) somewhere really special. The kind of thing that I was too busy / poor to do and my mum was already doing so much day to day stuff. She took them to Harry Potter world once and honestly they thought she was the bees knees, she’s always had a knack to make them feel super special.
If we popped in she would whip up some extravagant dessert or something and if they liked it she would make sure she always had it there just in case.
She would take them out on the bus on their birthdays and take them to a toy shop and then take them home and play the game she brought with them.
All this, literally added up to about ten hours a year but they remember it all like she was a woman of legend!

I can't help feeling that grandparents are perceived by some parents as something you take down from the shelf when you need it, and ignore it when you don't.

There are so many posts on Mumsnet where people moan about their parents/PILs' visits, or about keeping them away from 'our little family'. So many seem unwelcome in the home that their grandchildren live in. They're expected to be on hand when needed, but not present when they're not required.

Being a grandparent (and particularly a grandmother, I think) is about walking a tightrope. Don't interfere, respect boundaries, love the kids enough but not too much. Be involved when it suits the parents but don't expect to be even it doesn't.
Don't invite yourself around, but in the absence of invites, somehow still see the children (there was a post further up that seemed to expect some kind of magical presence) etc etc.

It's really hard to be a good enough grandparent on Mumsnet. Some mums expect to call all the shots, and the GP doesn't get to ask anything of them, or express any needs, wants or preferences of their own.

My DD is great, and I'm enabled and encouraged to have a lovely relationship with my DGDs. But I still feel like I'm treading on eggshells.

Aww, this makes me sad! I do expect my family to care! And they should!!😒

I never knew any grandparents, so you're better off than me in that area.

My parents had six grandchildren before 60. Most seem to get them mid-50s. None on my horizon though.

I’m probably one of the luckier ones, as my mum is a younger grandma, (I had DS at 19) we live with her and she is constantly offering to look after my dc. My grandparents looked after me, my mum won’t take any money or sort of payment, stating she doesn’t need to be paid to look after her grandkids. She has no obligation to and I appreciate it no end because I know others don’t have the same support. Even when my dc have kids I will spend as much time as I can with them.

I can assure you that still goes on. Due to my job I am involved in many safe guarding cases where parents have beaten or neglected their children. There is some horrendous stuff that goes on too awful to mention here.
I never once raised my hand to my child.

I'm a 40 yr old woman whose parents were boomers who DEFINITELY beat their kids, whose friends parents DEFINITELY beat their kids. Are you saying you never smacked?

I was raised by boomers, as were my peers. Beating kids was not the norm and would still get your children taken from you.

That's so sad. I'd have loved to have known my grandparents.

I really feel for you. My parents and in laws are such involved, hands on grandparents and it’s such a joy for them and for my son (and for us - we are much better parents for having a village)

WTAF? I'm 67. Had my kids in my early 30s. And neither I nor any of my mum friends would lay a hand on our kids.

I was but my parents were not Boomers. I did not smack my kids.

Of course it still goes on but regularly hitting kids for minor infections and expecting them to be seen and not heard is much less the prevalent parenting technique these days. Boomers frequently complain we don't hit our kids enough these days, they don't have enough healthy fear of their parents etc.

In my generation (X) parents and teachers and friends parents might give you a smack on the bottom but that is quite a different thing from a beating.

It's not attributable to a generation though, not any more!