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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

CF ILS - anyone else want to vent?

285 replies

CheshGirl · 31/12/2023 11:44

Cooked and hosted Christmas dinner for in-laws as well as my family including my 2 small children (also currently 12 weeks pregnant).

In-laws asked what they could "bring" earlier in Dec, I said nothing really as I had it ordered from Ocado.

By this MIL assumed it was all prepared as her response was "how lovely, Christmas in a box", throughout the day she continued to question what I had made and what had come "done".

We agreed they would bring "drinks"...

Considering there were 7 adults and 2 children, any guesses what they turned up with...?!

OP posts:
diddl · 31/12/2023 12:52

Well I'm guessing that the brought something that only they like to drink & only enough for them?

If I was told that nothing was needed except drinks I might think that the other guests had been told the same.

MillarMountVandal · 31/12/2023 12:52

CheshGirl · 31/12/2023 11:44

Cooked and hosted Christmas dinner for in-laws as well as my family including my 2 small children (also currently 12 weeks pregnant).

In-laws asked what they could "bring" earlier in Dec, I said nothing really as I had it ordered from Ocado.

By this MIL assumed it was all prepared as her response was "how lovely, Christmas in a box", throughout the day she continued to question what I had made and what had come "done".

We agreed they would bring "drinks"...

Considering there were 7 adults and 2 children, any guesses what they turned up with...?!

any guesses what they turned up with...?!

Their gimp?

Lucyintheskywithadiamond · 31/12/2023 12:53

How odd to post a thread asking people to guess and not come back… maybe the ILs were asked to guess what drinks to bring and did not get a reply….

Lemsipper · 31/12/2023 12:54

I’m not a MIL defender, I don’t like mine 🤣 BUT…

”oh lovely, christmas in a box” read to me as “how lovely, christmas comes ready prepared for me” like a gift wrapped christmas if that makes sense?

Just wondering if you got the wrong end of the stick with that. Her remarks on what you had made vs ordered could be her admiration of the dishes and wanting to praise you i.e “wow this is so good, you made this? 😲”

Anyway, you know the tone and vibes better than I do of course, just sharing a potential other side.

LoisWilkersonslastnerve · 31/12/2023 12:54

Omg, they brought a turkey or something like that didn't they op?

pinoco · 31/12/2023 12:56

@Lemsipper Yes, I thought that too

Shinyandnew1 · 31/12/2023 12:58

Sounds like you need to improve your communication, both on here to the people who responded to your post and also to your in laws.

’Ooh meal in a box?!’ when said the first time, should have been responded to with an ‘unfortunately not-I’ve ordered the turkey, stuffing, vegetables, sausages, bacon etc, but it all needs to be prepared! Feel free to come early and do x!’

‘What shall we bring?’ Should have been responded to with, ‘can you bring a few bottles of both red and white, some cans of coke and lemonade and maybe a bottle of gin/sherry/fizz’

If you are vague and ambiguous, then you probably won’t get what you want to happen as people aren’t mind readers.

MolkosTeenageAngst · 31/12/2023 12:58

Sounds like she’s never used Ocado and thought it was something more like Gousto/ HelloFresh etc. Not really her fault if she doesn’t know what it is! You said you didn’t need them to bring anything, at what point did you spring it on her to bring drinks? Are you the CF DIL here? What did your own parents bring?

Ohlookwhoitis · 31/12/2023 12:59

alittlequinnie · 31/12/2023 12:26

My in laws have both now sadly died - but they were the epitome of CFs. First time we went for a "birthday" meal for the Mum I didn't realise that meant we had to pay for the Mum and the Dad and that they would order "big" - £7 liquor coffees each in 1999... and three £22 bottles of wine for the table and £32 per head set meals (in context I earned approx £12K pa in 1999....but the best was the last time we had to pay for the Mum's birthday meal...

... we went to a Fish restaurant on the coast - there was lobster thermador - either 1/2 a lobster at £25 or a full lobster at £50 each - yup - they both ordered full lobster at £50 each as we were paying... full three courses each with wine, coffee, liquors and side dishes.

At the end of the night when we were paying for the taxi we were £1 short and they just got out and walked into the house!

When it came to our birthdays... strict £15 budget each - and we were never taken out for a meal!

Such a shame because otherwise they were really nice people - just totally blind to the cost of meals out and their crazy ordering! :O

I honestly find it hard to have sympathy for you in this scenario. Why on earth did you go along with this? You're right, it's outrageous that they did this but you could have avoided it so easily.

I know when we're younger it's so awkward to speak up sometimes but I couldn't have afforded to pay for it so therefore I would have been forced to have a conversation or made up an excuse to get out of it.

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/12/2023 13:00

FFS!

What did they bring?

MolkosTeenageAngst · 31/12/2023 13:02

alittlequinnie · 31/12/2023 12:26

My in laws have both now sadly died - but they were the epitome of CFs. First time we went for a "birthday" meal for the Mum I didn't realise that meant we had to pay for the Mum and the Dad and that they would order "big" - £7 liquor coffees each in 1999... and three £22 bottles of wine for the table and £32 per head set meals (in context I earned approx £12K pa in 1999....but the best was the last time we had to pay for the Mum's birthday meal...

... we went to a Fish restaurant on the coast - there was lobster thermador - either 1/2 a lobster at £25 or a full lobster at £50 each - yup - they both ordered full lobster at £50 each as we were paying... full three courses each with wine, coffee, liquors and side dishes.

At the end of the night when we were paying for the taxi we were £1 short and they just got out and walked into the house!

When it came to our birthdays... strict £15 budget each - and we were never taken out for a meal!

Such a shame because otherwise they were really nice people - just totally blind to the cost of meals out and their crazy ordering! :O

Why on Earth would you go along with this? TBH it sounds like your partner is the problem here for letting you pay for his/ her parents when you were only earning £12k. S/he should have footed the bill and shouldn’t have expected you to contribute, or if s/he couldn’t afford it either then should have said no to his/ her parents. Seems like your partner was the main one being a CF here!

StoorieHoose · 31/12/2023 13:02

Was it a bag of heroin and you've taken it just after starting this thread?

IncompleteSenten · 31/12/2023 13:03

Either a single 500ml bottle of coke or a three course dinner for 12.

Scarletttulips · 31/12/2023 13:04

Tea bags

Emotionalsupportviper · 31/12/2023 13:05

Scarletttulips · 31/12/2023 13:04

Tea bags

If it's tea bags, I'll have them!

Have you seen the price of a decent tea bag these days?

Coastalcreeksider · 31/12/2023 13:05

Bottle of lager, 7 straws, can of coke with 2 straws.

Kisskiss · 31/12/2023 13:08

we used to invite my SIL over a lot for lunch or dinner or if we had a dinner party on with others etc we would also ask if she wanted to join.
she literally never came with anything, and she’s a big big drinker and would easily finish a bottle or more of our wine each time. She always had some excuse , “hands full” “shops closed” ( untrue as there’s a corner shop literally in between my place and the tube that’s always open) “in a rush”
she brought one bottle of Prosecco, once, for one Xmas dinner. Also, she never ever hosted us for anything at hers, ever
I always thought ok , fine, she’s just like that and this went on for 6-8 years. ( to not drip feed, she’s v financially comfortable, think high paying job and 4 rental properties)

then one Christmas swung round and she had her parents, other sil, nephew over to hers for Xmas Eve dinner ( they were all staying with us for the holidays) but she said that myself and dh weren’t invited as it’s “too difficult “🤣. She was due to come to ours the next day for Xmas dinner.

i decided to stop inviting the cheeky freeloader to anything from that point

Distantview · 31/12/2023 13:11

Not ILs but a half-cousin and his wife, both of whom clearly have mild learning disabilities/mental health issues and live about 10 miles from us - we are the nearest relatives on his side of the family.

I've been guilted into inviting them over for the annual Christmas family gathering we have with my DB and his family.

The half-cousin held down a job for many years until he was sacked fairly recently for what appears to be inappropriate behaviour (he speaks inappropriately to women, behaviour that was probably accepted earlier in his working life, but, rightly, isn't now).

Anyway, every time, they turn up empty-handed, which is fine, I don't ask them to bring anything, and then literally both eat and drink 3x the amount of everyone else. Fine, I know this will happen and cater accordingly.

But the cheekiest fuckery this year was when he WhatsApped in the morning (we were up to our eyes prepping lunch for 12 people) asking when we would pick them up (they don't drive, the buses were all running, no-one had suggested anyone would pick them up).

The message asking what date we're having the lunch will arrive next November - but we're definitely going away next year.

RandomButtons · 31/12/2023 13:12

A carton of apple juice made from concentrate.

billycat321 · 31/12/2023 13:14

On page 4 of replies and poster STILL hasn't told us!

Cattenberg · 31/12/2023 13:14

A can of shandy.

Lairymary · 31/12/2023 13:15

A jar of coffee.

YYURYYUCICYYUR4ME · 31/12/2023 13:18

If it is the same as my in-laws (sister-in-law and her family), it will be half a bottle of 'flat' diet coke, which we ignored and they then took home with them!!

FloofCloud · 31/12/2023 13:18

I'm going for a bottle of lambrini

Cookerhood · 31/12/2023 13:18

My in laws came for Christmas for about 30 years without ever bringing anything, even a bottle of wine. The same at other times of the year when they weren't bringing presents. My parents used to get the turkey & make a pud & I always thanked them publicly but it didn't seem to register.
Once I had a reason to get something from their room & there was a box with a couple of bottles of wine in. We never saw them, they must have taken them home again. They aren't drinkers particularly so I don't think they drank them in their room.