Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding invite with baby

150 replies

Loopylambs · 31/12/2023 11:11

Extended family have been invited to a wedding , baby in our party will be nearly 1 . We found out from bride there will be no high chairs available. We contacted venue and they have agreed to now supply 3 high chairs .We told the bride , expecting her to let us have one of the high chairs as we had sorted but a few hours later she rang to say she’s allocated to other babies attending. AIBU to think as we sorted high chairs with venue we should be able to use one?

OP posts:
TheFlis · 31/12/2023 12:20

MrsDoylesDoily · 31/12/2023 12:12

Ignore the crazy, nasty posts. I would speak to the babies mother and ask if she can either discuss it with the bride or provide a high chair herself.

Well this is exactly what the 'crazy, nasty posters' are suggesting 🤷‍♂️

It's not the OP's place.

Show quote history

Actually most of them are just telling her to bring her own high chair (despite the fact she may not have one) and ranting about her overstepping.

The OP asked the bride to arrange something to alleviate an issue that directly affects the OP at the wedding and the bride claimed not to be able to. It was probably just an extra thing she didn’t have time or head space to sort out. The OP then found a resolution that helped several guests and the bride threw it back in her face, despite the huge favour being done for her.

At my wedding the caterers were struggling to accommodate a complex dietary issue with one guest. I told the guest it was a problem and they contacted the venue directly to discuss it. Within minutes it was sorted and a load off my mind. If I was this bride I would have been grateful, not spiteful.

RampantIvy · 31/12/2023 12:22

Great posts @TheFlis
There seem to be a lot of bridezilla types on this thread.

RampantIvy · 31/12/2023 12:24

EmptyYoghurtPot · 31/12/2023 12:15

I can’t believe how many people think that it’s fine for a random guest to ring the wedding venue and make suggestions! Imagine if everyone did that - Aunt Gladys needs a hard backed chair, Uncle John needs to sit on an end to accommodate his wooden leg etc etc
Surely this should be discussed with the bride and groom?

I disagree entirely. I think it is unacceptable to add yet another issue onto the bride's plate when she has enough to deal with.

redalex261 · 31/12/2023 12:25

You should not have contacted venue, but as caring for bridesmaid’s baby a high chair should be provided if you want one. If not by the hosts then by the bridesmaid - I would expect her to get the damn thing to the venue too. I wouldn’t be getting gussied up in high heels for a wedding and manhandling a bloody highchair, baby and buggy!

Also, those suggesting feeding baby on knee or in buggy - casting my mind back to that ordeal, it was only ever feasible for a quick snack in a cafe. Baby would get bored, fidget, cry because they couldn’t see anything and squawk to get down after a few mins. A three course sit down with speeches and toasts is HOURS. The OP would certainly not be able to eat own meal (and not end up covered in it) with kid on knee. If child awake in buggy would whine as looking at underside of bloody table and bored witless. At least with a high chair the baby would be entertained a bit by people watching.

I would be bowing out of childcare in this scenario. Its a favour not an obligation.

Goldbar · 31/12/2023 12:25

RampantIvy · 31/12/2023 12:24

I disagree entirely. I think it is unacceptable to add yet another issue onto the bride's plate when she has enough to deal with.

Show quote history

I agree. Just quietly sort out the issue with the child's mother.

WhateverMate · 31/12/2023 12:26

All the people replying now, need to read the drip feeds from the OP.

Particularly the one where the Bride was apparently happy for OP to contact the venue.

CrispsandCheeseSandwich · 31/12/2023 12:29

Loopylambs · 31/12/2023 11:24

Not my baby but I will be looking after as her Mother is bridesmaid and will be busy/ sitting at top table

Wait, the bride is sitting her bridesmaid away from her young daughter and is refusing to allow the person looking after her to have a high chair? Therefore making your life more difficult, when you're doing a favour which allows the bride's wedding day to go more smoothly?9

ChristmasFluff · 31/12/2023 12:31

How is it overstepping to sort out a few high-chairs? There are 3 babies who will be properly seated, thanks to OP, and no thanks at all to the bride. I bet their parents will be glad she 'overstepped'.

HP89 · 31/12/2023 12:36

Super weird for the Bride to let you call the venue to sort high chairs as she’s so busy, and then tell you that you cant have one!! WTF ?

Pizzapuddingandpie · 31/12/2023 12:37

I would have been very grateful if OP had done this for me as a bride. I doubt she forced the venue into buying the high chairs - presumably she just opened the discussion? High chairs are pretty standard equipment for a venue. We attended a wedding with a newborn and contacted the venue ahead of time to clarify some things around bottle prep. We wouldn’t have dreamed of bothering the bride and groom but also wouldn’t have made our own day more stressful or baby more uncomfortable instead of just asking the questions in advance. The venue couldn’t have been more helpful. Accommodating babies and toddlers to help them be more settled throughout the day is hardly akin to providing special chairs for every guest as one poster suggests above!

Bex5490 · 31/12/2023 12:43

RampantIvy · 31/12/2023 12:24

I disagree entirely. I think it is unacceptable to add yet another issue onto the bride's plate when she has enough to deal with.

Show quote history

What she has on her plate is organising an event to celebrate HER relationship…

Why does everyone go on like a bride is doing everyone else a favour by putting on this event? The guests are attending for her not the other way round!

If you choose to invite children then make sure you organise for them - especially if they’re the children of people in your wedding party.

CatamaranViper · 31/12/2023 12:44

Aye since she told you to call and sort it, that sort of earns you a highchair. Unless the other babies are B and/or Gs kids or other bridesmaids, then you should have been top of the list.

That said, id tell the baby's mother or father that they need to find a solution.

Having a 1 year old eating on your knee when you're in your glad rags will probably be messy.

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 31/12/2023 12:48

I actually really don't get the drama.
I was at a wedding last summer. Not bridesmaid but ended up having to run around after friends coming from England (we are in Ireland) to get their child a high chair. I rang venue, asked if there would be a high chair for a child or should we bring our own. They said they may have one but can't guarantee, so I asked another friend attending who lives here if she would bring her DS's old high chair so our friends daughter had one. Zero drama and the child had a high chair.

PurpleFlower1983 · 31/12/2023 12:51

What kind of crap venue doesn’t have high chairs when they allow babies to be invited to a sit down meal?

I don’t see how the OP did anything wrong, it’s something the bring should have done before.

PurpleFlower1983 · 31/12/2023 12:51

*bride

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 31/12/2023 12:52

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 31/12/2023 12:48

I actually really don't get the drama.
I was at a wedding last summer. Not bridesmaid but ended up having to run around after friends coming from England (we are in Ireland) to get their child a high chair. I rang venue, asked if there would be a high chair for a child or should we bring our own. They said they may have one but can't guarantee, so I asked another friend attending who lives here if she would bring her DS's old high chair so our friends daughter had one. Zero drama and the child had a high chair.

And sorry OP just to clarify I didn't mean this at you, but at the comments like you've just done the worst thing ever by ringing the venue.

Muchof · 31/12/2023 12:55

Loopylambs · 31/12/2023 11:17

Sorry just to clarify . Bride said venue could not provide any high chairs at all . We contacted venue and they confirmed they had no high chairs but then agreed to purchase 3 for wedding and future events.

It is extremely rude to contact the venue about this when the bride has already told you what can or can’t be accommodated.

rookiemere · 31/12/2023 12:56

I'm with you OP, you sorted out high chairs for the venue so it's beyond cheeky that bride has allocated them to other people.

I would ask babies DPs if they have anything portable you can use.When DS was young we had a sort of inflatable seat and harness thing that could be attached to a normal chair which we used when out for meals.

CatamaranViper · 31/12/2023 12:59

Muchof · 31/12/2023 12:55

It is extremely rude to contact the venue about this when the bride has already told you what can or can’t be accommodated.

Show quote history

Bride told her to contact the venue to sort it out.

ellie09 · 31/12/2023 13:03

Surely its the brides responsibility to ensure that all guests including babies all have allocated seats? Otherwise, why invite them in the first place?

momonpurpose · 31/12/2023 13:04

ConflictedCheetah · 31/12/2023 11:13

Yeah, this.
Also when bride said none were available it may have been because she knew they had three but she'd already allocated them to other families so they weren't available to you.

Show quote history

Honestly OP I'd be furious you took it upon yourself to arrange

Kwasi · 31/12/2023 13:05

I actually think this is a bit shitty of the bride, especially as the baby's mother is one of the bridesmaids.

RampantIvy · 31/12/2023 13:07

@momonpurpose the bride asked the OP do do this.

If you select "See all" on the OP's post it will bring up all her subsequent posts.

And why would you be furious? Confused Other posters have said that they were grateful that they had one less job to do.

Katypp · 31/12/2023 13:20

cornonthesnob · 31/12/2023 11:39

Cringe.

Show quote history

Why cringe? The bride or groom wasn't bothering to sort it so someone had to. Are pps honestly saying they would rock up at a wedding with a baby guest and not expect a highchair?
There is so much rubbish spoken on here, there really is.
The fact that the OP was basically facilitating the bride to have the bridesmaid she wanted at the wedding makes it even worse.
OP, I would tell the bridesmaid there was no highchair allocated to her baby and leave her to sort it, either via the bridal party or via the venue, or provide one herself. This one us on the baby's patents to sort.

LimeCheesecake · 31/12/2023 13:21

You need to make this the bridesmaids problem - and be clear the bride is being a dick - which she is.
Message to both:
“hi bridesmaid & bride, I know I said I’d look after (baby) at the wedding, but would need a high chair for baby to sit in for the meal. I called the venue and got them to buy 3 high chairs but bride tells me they have now been allocated to other children. I can only look after baby during the meal if there’s a chair provided for him/her, so can you two sort that between you, or else s/he’ll just have to sit on bridesmaid’s knee at the top table while I’m eating.”

fuck it, you’ve reached the limit of what you can do to sort this, and expecting you to feed someone else’s 1 year old on your knee when you are all dressed up is rude.