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Original poster

Mum slapped me during argument with husband

119 replies

Korin19 · 30/12/2023 20:51

I'm 2 weeks postpartum and my husband has been such a jerk since I got back from hospital.
Yes he helped me with my washroom routine the first week and giving me food. But he doesnt really care about my emotional state. A simple question to him today "why was your phone not on ringing mode" caused him to shout at me and walk out of the house. I went behind him and pleaded him to not leave. Yet he still left and came back 4 hours later (after i called and begged him to come back). This is the second incident in 2 weeks. I've cried till my eyes are swollen. Worst thing is he watches me cry and doesn't flinch. Says the meanest things and continues arguing and is so sarcastic.
My mum is staying with us to help with the baby.
As the argument got heated today after he came back, mum interfered and slapped me. My phone which was in my hand fell on the floor. I looked at my husband and asked him what did you do.
I asked my mum how could you slap me, I'm an adult. I'm 35 years old

By this point, I was crying inconsolably (I have anxiety). Mum said to stop or she will slap me again.
I said "how dare you slapped me". She threathened to leave the house. Husband threathened to take the baby and leave and go to his mums house. My mum pleaded him to not leave and at the same time kept blaming me and scolding me.
I walked to my room and lied on the bed, crying. He came to me and started lecturing me like everything was my fault and its my fault that i got slapped. A good 15 mins of lecture while I said nothing.
He said nothing to my mum. Did not defend me at all. Even my mum didn't defend me at all. She has this ancient mindset that men can get angry but women can't. Men can shout but women can't. Men can say stuff because they're men but women should be polite and never stand up to their husbands.

After she slapped me, Mum went to bed. Husband went to bed after lecturing. And here I am writing this at 4.30am, having my dinner now.
I told them earlier that I'm 2 weeks postpartum and this shouldn't happen. Husband shouldn't be fighting with me over the most petty thing and should care and support me and keep me happy during this phase.
Both Husband and my mum said to not use postpartum as excuse, that I should be tough now that I'm a mum. My mum said even if my husband tells me stuff or is mean to me that I should just bite my tongue and don't respond. My mum said to not keep saying "postpartum" like it's a big deal and when she delivered, she was doing chores immediately when she returned from hospital. My mum even shouted and told me that I should've travelled me 5 hours in car with newborn to stay with her and my family instead of her coming and staying with us. She said people can travel with newborn, it's easy with a car and that I shouldnt have given "excuse " that baby is too little and fragile to travel at 2 weeks.
I'm just perplexed at my mum's stupidity, my husband's selfishness and this entire drama.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I feel so unsupported and I'm madd to feel like my job is done now that I've delivered the baby and now I'm useless.
I have half the mind to just pack bags and leave the house, both of them can stay with each other. But I can't leave my baby and he wouldn't let me take the baby too.
So defeated. This is not the postpartum I expected. I'm dissappointed and so hurt.

OP posts:
TurkeyTrotToXmas · 30/12/2023 20:54

Please speak to your midwife/health visitor. None of this is on and you don't deserve it.

INeverForgetAFaceButInYourCaseIdLikeTo · 30/12/2023 20:57

Please speak with your midwife, and tell your mum you want her to go. She shouldn't be hitting you, and she's been there too long. What is your husband usually like?

Gowlett · 30/12/2023 20:58

Sympathy. My DH was an arsehole when our baby was a newborn. Made it so much worse… Pity your mum isn’t supportive.

Hiddenvoice · 30/12/2023 21:01

I echo the other posters, please contact your midwife/
health visitor and ask for support.

Tell your mum to leave, she doesn’t need to be there if she’s not actually helping you.

Is your husband usually like this?

Sodndashitall · 30/12/2023 21:01

Ask your mum to leave. She did offer after all. It's not helpful having her there with these views.
Please speak to your midwife ASAP too and tell her what's going on.
Someone needs to speak to DH, do you have a good friend who can help?

Peachtails · 30/12/2023 21:05

Find the strength to tell your mother to leave, and as others have said contact your health visitor or midwife as soon as you can. You don't deserve that treatment, you've just brought life into the world!

Sending hugs your way.

MrNovember · 30/12/2023 21:05

I am so so sorry you are going through this. Your husband and your mum should be supporting you. especially at this time when you have just went through the birth of a child, and then have a small baby to look after. YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG

Your husbands behaviour is horrible. Your mothers is despicable. Your mother needs to leave. I would say that your husband needs to step up, but let’s face it: he won’t.

do you have any friends you could stay with? Please speak to your health visitor or midwife as soon as possible

IAmAnIdiot123 · 30/12/2023 21:06

Tell her to leave, why is she there in the first place? This can't be the first time you have heard her 'views' on how to be an acceptable wife.

bloodyeffinnora · 30/12/2023 21:08

What a pair of fucking bullies enabling each other. Do Not put up with this.
tell her if she slaps you again you will call the police, tell them both to get out. Go no contact with your mother, what a bitch, im livid on your behalf. tell your health visitor what's happened and get yourself some legal advice.
have you any family or friends you can get help from?
And don't let them tell you this is all your fault, it's absolutely NOT, the pair of cunts are bullying you while you are very vulnerable.
Womens Aid could be another support for you.
This is not your fault.

BetsyBobbins · 30/12/2023 21:09

I'm sorry this happened to you, none of it is remotely "normal".

If your husband has always been like that you will need to reassess the relationship once things have settled.

I understand having a mum that doesn't support you as mine didn't support me either when my son was a baby and also had very antiquated views.

Please speak to your health visitor and also your GP, this is a lot for your mental health and you need support. If your husband continues to be like that I would consider involving Social Services

Woush · 30/12/2023 21:09

You have made very little mention of your baby.

Is baby breastfed or bottle fed?
How is baby sleeping?
How is your mood generally?
How are you coping with early motherhood?

MrsKeats · 30/12/2023 21:09

You need to get some help here.
Contact women's aid.
Have you a friend to talk to?
Kick your mother out.
And your dh.

2jacqi · 30/12/2023 21:11

@Korin19 send your mum home and send your hubby back to work. you will find it much easier to cope on your own and get into a routine. you have to get into your own routine anyway so better to do it now.

TheresaWa · 30/12/2023 21:11

If you are in the uk, you would need to be in your home to be followed up by local midwifes until discharged, also to do paperwork as birth register at council, attend your local gp if needed, to be close to maternity assessment unit in case you need support during the first 28days etc. also a new mum feels more comfortable at her house ..

Tonight1 · 30/12/2023 21:12

Really don't like the sound of your mother or husband 😐

What you need right now is support, not a couple of primadonnas throwing their weight around.

Agree with pp, get this logged and reach out for support.

clingon1012 · 30/12/2023 21:14

What the heck is wrong with your husband and your mum?

Why is your husband so angry at you? Has he always been emotionally and verbally abusive? He is being horrible!

Your mum definitely needs to leave, you DO NOT need her there with you, or, with her views and physically abusive demeanour, you do not need her EVER in your life.

You haven't done anything wrong. Postpartum IS an "excuse". It's very difficult mentally, physically and emotionally at this stage and you need to surround yourself with supportive people and NOT your mother or your husband.

fromhellsheartistabatthee · 30/12/2023 21:14

Woush · 30/12/2023 21:09

You have made very little mention of your baby.

Is baby breastfed or bottle fed?
How is baby sleeping?
How is your mood generally?
How are you coping with early motherhood?

What has any of that got to do with having an abusive husband and an abusive mother?

Rockschooldropout · 30/12/2023 21:15

Where abouts are you OP ? I’m guessing not uk as you said you are writing this at 4.30 am ?

MrNovember · 30/12/2023 21:15

fromhellsheartistabatthee · 30/12/2023 21:14

What has any of that got to do with having an abusive husband and an abusive mother?

Show quote history

Exactly. This message stinks of victim blaming. Which OP is having enough of right now

clingon1012 · 30/12/2023 21:17

fromhellsheartistabatthee · 30/12/2023 21:14

What has any of that got to do with having an abusive husband and an abusive mother?

Show quote history

@fromhellsheartistabatthee exactly what I wanted to reply!!

@Woush OP isn't here about her newborn. You're missing the point of her post?

HateMyRubbishBoss · 30/12/2023 21:19

You’re abused by both mum and husband

I know it’s super hard and fragile moment but for the sake of your sanity you must find your strength back and send them packing!!!

she slaps you again , slap her back!

please please speak to your doctor or midwife or a professional

sending love

Humbugg · 30/12/2023 21:22

Get rid of your mum. She’s not helping right now.
husband / partner is not being good!! He should be looking after you lots. Do you have a mind neighbour or friend who could pop over and be with you?
It’s hard to say/ do but I wouldn’t cry over husband he doesn’t deserve your tears. If he goes out for 4 hours just focus on you and baby like you would as a single mother. Look after yourself with tea and telly and biscuits. That’s what I do when my husband is being a shit

HP89 · 30/12/2023 21:29

Woush · 30/12/2023 21:09

You have made very little mention of your baby.

Is baby breastfed or bottle fed?
How is baby sleeping?
How is your mood generally?
How are you coping with early motherhood?

Irrelevant comment. Baby’s got nothing to do with this.

Delassalle · 30/12/2023 21:31

Is this a cultural thing where women are subservient to men and that's why your husband is downright nasty to you and your mother is 'on his side'?

peachesarenom · 30/12/2023 21:31

I'm so sorry this has been your experience! I think long term you should leave and cut them both out of your life!

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