Mum slapped me during argument with husband

[Korin19]

I'm 2 weeks postpartum and my husband has been such a jerk since I got back from hospital.
Yes he helped me with my washroom routine the first week and giving me food. But he doesnt really care about my emotional state. A simple question to him today "why was your phone not on ringing mode" caused him to shout at me and walk out of the house. I went behind him and pleaded him to not leave. Yet he still left and came back 4 hours later (after i called and begged him to come back). This is the second incident in 2 weeks. I've cried till my eyes are swollen. Worst thing is he watches me cry and doesn't flinch. Says the meanest things and continues arguing and is so sarcastic.
My mum is staying with us to help with the baby.
As the argument got heated today after he came back, mum interfered and slapped me. My phone which was in my hand fell on the floor. I looked at my husband and asked him what did you do.
I asked my mum how could you slap me, I'm an adult. I'm 35 years old

By this point, I was crying inconsolably (I have anxiety). Mum said to stop or she will slap me again.
I said "how dare you slapped me". She threathened to leave the house. Husband threathened to take the baby and leave and go to his mums house. My mum pleaded him to not leave and at the same time kept blaming me and scolding me.
I walked to my room and lied on the bed, crying. He came to me and started lecturing me like everything was my fault and its my fault that i got slapped. A good 15 mins of lecture while I said nothing.
He said nothing to my mum. Did not defend me at all. Even my mum didn't defend me at all. She has this ancient mindset that men can get angry but women can't. Men can shout but women can't. Men can say stuff because they're men but women should be polite and never stand up to their husbands.

After she slapped me, Mum went to bed. Husband went to bed after lecturing. And here I am writing this at 4.30am, having my dinner now.
I told them earlier that I'm 2 weeks postpartum and this shouldn't happen. Husband shouldn't be fighting with me over the most petty thing and should care and support me and keep me happy during this phase.
Both Husband and my mum said to not use postpartum as excuse, that I should be tough now that I'm a mum. My mum said even if my husband tells me stuff or is mean to me that I should just bite my tongue and don't respond. My mum said to not keep saying "postpartum" like it's a big deal and when she delivered, she was doing chores immediately when she returned from hospital. My mum even shouted and told me that I should've travelled me 5 hours in car with newborn to stay with her and my family instead of her coming and staying with us. She said people can travel with newborn, it's easy with a car and that I shouldnt have given "excuse " that baby is too little and fragile to travel at 2 weeks.
I'm just perplexed at my mum's stupidity, my husband's selfishness and this entire drama.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I feel so unsupported and I'm madd to feel like my job is done now that I've delivered the baby and now I'm useless.
I have half the mind to just pack bags and leave the house, both of them can stay with each other. But I can't leave my baby and he wouldn't let me take the baby too.
So defeated. This is not the postpartum I expected. I'm dissappointed and so hurt.

Sadly these attitudes exist in white society too. Not all abusers are a different culture.

Your mum is an abuser. Ask her to leave. I know it doesn't seem this way just now but you will be ok. I'm so sorry x

Send your mum home immediately she is being no help at all and only inflaming situations.
Then you need a serious talk with your “DH” regarding his behaviour. You would be better off a single mum than allowing a man to treat you in this awful manner.

OP this is awful. How dare your mum slap you, I’d be asking her to leave first thing in the morning. As for your DH, well he’s an arsehole too.

Sounds very cultural. Is there someone in your community you trust who can help you?

I echo others... speak to your midwife. ASAP.
Tell her what you've told us here.

Different culture doesn’t necessarily mean they are not white??

I'd be making plans to get as far away from them both as possible. What horrible horrible people.

Which counrty are you in @Korin19 then people van offer you targeted advice.

Wtf. Ask them both to leave, is there a womens aid service where you are?

Hey @Korin19—

Congratulations on your baby. ❤️

Have you got any friends nearby? Get your friends in and your abusive mum and husband out out out!!

It has significant relevance. We are hearing only one side and this Mum is 4 weeks post partum. Post natal psychosis should be a consideration and disassociation from the baby could (could) be a sign one could spot of with someone anonymous online.

OP, are you Indian/Bangladeshi/Pakistani...?

That's exactly what is means.

You need to get your Mum out of the house and call Women's Aid.

Your DH needs to understand that his actions are abusive and that you have every right to leave him and take the child.

I take it your Mum's old fashioned ideas re women is a cultural thing?

Hope you're ok op. Tell your mother to leave, no one is entitled to hit you. No one. There's advice above about who to contact for help. I'd be contemplating telly ng husband to leavr too but obviously thats your decision alone.

Well on a practical side if her baby is breastfed it will make it significantly easier to handle her H's threats.

Oh OP, none of this is normal. It’s abuse from both parties. Talk to you midwife or health visitor or a domestic abuse charity. You mum wants you to be a submissive wife to keep the show in your community. She needs to leave and you need to leave your husband.

Please kick out your mum, that is atrocious behaviour! I have no idea what to do about your Dh. Is he stressed because your mum is staying? No excuse but he sounds worse than useless. Mine would not stand by if my mother slapped me.

@Korin19 if he takes your baby, police will always return the baby to you. No one is going to leave the baby with a dad or the dad’s family. Ignore those threats to keep you in your place

You shouldn't have to put up with this from either your mother or your OH.

Is there anyone you can call for support? Friend? Relative you are close to?
Definitely speak to your Health Visitor as soon as you can. They will be able to support you.

You have done absolutely nothing wrong. You really don't need this from either of them.
I could have written this myself 24 years ago as I was in a very similar situation with a young baby.
I really hope you can seek support soon, and that things will get better for you and your baby.

Where abouts in the world are you, OP? Some of the wording you have used, and the time difference in your post makes me think you're not in The UK?

There may be some Mumsnetters from your neck of the woods who can guide you to what support is available.

If you are UK, please call women's aid!!

How the baby is fed is irrelevant!

You can have different cultures that are still white.

I wondered if it’s cultural as the dynamic with the mum’s antiquated, sexist views seems very at odds with what would seem normal in 2023.

Feels like I'm missing a lot of back story. On the face of it obviously you contact midwife first thing, your mother leaves and you seek a swift divorce from your very strange husband and this strange situation.