Mum slapped me during argument with husband

[Korin19]

I'm 2 weeks postpartum and my husband has been such a jerk since I got back from hospital.
Yes he helped me with my washroom routine the first week and giving me food. But he doesnt really care about my emotional state. A simple question to him today "why was your phone not on ringing mode" caused him to shout at me and walk out of the house. I went behind him and pleaded him to not leave. Yet he still left and came back 4 hours later (after i called and begged him to come back). This is the second incident in 2 weeks. I've cried till my eyes are swollen. Worst thing is he watches me cry and doesn't flinch. Says the meanest things and continues arguing and is so sarcastic.
My mum is staying with us to help with the baby.
As the argument got heated today after he came back, mum interfered and slapped me. My phone which was in my hand fell on the floor. I looked at my husband and asked him what did you do.
I asked my mum how could you slap me, I'm an adult. I'm 35 years old

By this point, I was crying inconsolably (I have anxiety). Mum said to stop or she will slap me again.
I said "how dare you slapped me". She threathened to leave the house. Husband threathened to take the baby and leave and go to his mums house. My mum pleaded him to not leave and at the same time kept blaming me and scolding me.
I walked to my room and lied on the bed, crying. He came to me and started lecturing me like everything was my fault and its my fault that i got slapped. A good 15 mins of lecture while I said nothing.
He said nothing to my mum. Did not defend me at all. Even my mum didn't defend me at all. She has this ancient mindset that men can get angry but women can't. Men can shout but women can't. Men can say stuff because they're men but women should be polite and never stand up to their husbands.

After she slapped me, Mum went to bed. Husband went to bed after lecturing. And here I am writing this at 4.30am, having my dinner now.
I told them earlier that I'm 2 weeks postpartum and this shouldn't happen. Husband shouldn't be fighting with me over the most petty thing and should care and support me and keep me happy during this phase.
Both Husband and my mum said to not use postpartum as excuse, that I should be tough now that I'm a mum. My mum said even if my husband tells me stuff or is mean to me that I should just bite my tongue and don't respond. My mum said to not keep saying "postpartum" like it's a big deal and when she delivered, she was doing chores immediately when she returned from hospital. My mum even shouted and told me that I should've travelled me 5 hours in car with newborn to stay with her and my family instead of her coming and staying with us. She said people can travel with newborn, it's easy with a car and that I shouldnt have given "excuse " that baby is too little and fragile to travel at 2 weeks.
I'm just perplexed at my mum's stupidity, my husband's selfishness and this entire drama.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I feel so unsupported and I'm madd to feel like my job is done now that I've delivered the baby and now I'm useless.
I have half the mind to just pack bags and leave the house, both of them can stay with each other. But I can't leave my baby and he wouldn't let me take the baby too.
So defeated. This is not the postpartum I expected. I'm dissappointed and so hurt.

@NaughtybutNice77
I'm just giving an alternative view but is it possible your Mum thought you was hysterical and hoped a short sharp shock might bring you to your senses.

Is that supposed to make it sound better? That she was somehow trying to help? Is that how someone should help a hysterical postpartum woman?

Even if someone did slap a hysterical postpartum woman hoping to bring them to their senses then surely that would be followed by some actual help and concern?

I wasn't implying it was the right thing to do but yes, I do think it sounds better. They thought it would help, it didn't. OH suggested leaving but that didn't help. The baby needed looking after, they did that then had to sleep. OP continued to sob into the small hours. They are human too and have reached their end point. They have no more to give.
There's nothing concrete in the post (other than the slap) so it's unclear what she actually wants/needs in wayvof support. Personally I'd have suggested calling for an OOH Dr or just let her cry it out and start again in the morning. Exactly what is the correct response?

Yes talk to midwife or HV.

Then you do need to walk away. Take the baby for now for safety.

Report the assault to the police so they can see why you've gone and taken a baby.

It sounds like your mum is abusive and you've walked into a relationship where your DH replaces her. I'd also have therapy to help you process this.

Wow OP I'm utterly appalled at this. You poor poor thing. You're being abused.

Please get help, police, midwife, anything. You're not in the wrong and you don't deserve this

I am in Singapore and there is no midwife here who can come over. To meet my gynae, I would have to make appointment and wait for days, maybe a week.
There are cases here where police have taken the baby away because of domestic arguments, even the mum doesn't get custody if that happens.
I'm afraid they would do this, hence I would not be calling the police at this point. Because my husband can also paint a different picture to the police and say I'm unfit to be a mum and my mum would probably corroborate his statement. 😔

OK OP, understand that you can't get support from HV or midwife. Can you at least get your mother to leave? I think you need some space and just one less stressful person in your life right now may help.

Are there mother and baby groups or support organisations in Singapore? I think you need some kind of external help. Even if it's just someone to have a coffee and chat with.

If he walks our again do not plead for him to come back. Use the time wisely.

Fake that you are fine to your mum and encourage her to go back to her home and leave you adjusting as a 3. She is not a support to you.

When she has gone and you have time alone contact your gp. Explain the situation and find out what help is available. Your husband is an arse and your mother abusive

Are you from Singapura? Or British ?

Can you ask your mum to go? It’ll be one less problem to deal with..

Are you comfortable telling us what ethnicity you are? Are you Singaporean? There are many places that can provide assistance in Singapore. You are not alone

This is so sad. Please know there is nothing in the world you could have done to justify these attacks on you at 2 weeks PP. Literally nothing.

Do you have any friends who can come and visit you to diffuse the tension? I'd be inviting anyone and everyone to meet the baby so that your family have to behave themselves and hopefully see how people ought to treat a new mother.

There must be womens charities in Singapore too who provide advise to women living in abusive circumstances. You should call one of them and just talk through what happened.

Are you bf? It can be tough at the start. if you're finding it hard then try to find a lactation consultant. I say this because I can't imagine any authority taking a young baby from a mother if they are bf. That would be a really extreme thing to do. Even new mothers in prison keep their babies, in the uk at least.

https://www.scwo.org.sg/resources/directories/ there is a list of organisations here that may be able to help locally.

Oh OP. As Mumsnet is a UK based site, the majority of users are also in the UK. So while we can offer support and solidarity in that what is happening to you is very, very wrong.. it may be worth finding a forum, charity, organisation that helps vulnerable women (and their babies) in domestic abuse situations such as this in your country.

Definitely worth still posting on here as there may be a Mumsnetter who is more familiar with support for you in Singapore who might come along and could help.

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It is not right. You don't deserve this.

It doesn't sound one bit better to me.

And if after 2 weeks they have 'nothing left to give' and have reached their end point then they need to get some help themselves and learn some coping skills instead of abusing a postpartum mother.

Healthy people should be able to cope with a stressful situation for 2 weeks without losing it, even if the OP was being hysterical the whole time.

I would tell my mother to get the fuck out and my husband that his marriage is over and then make that happen. Your mum sounds completely unhinged.

We don't know it's after 2 weeks or longer, but personally I'd struggle with this even if it was 'just' 2 weeks. There nothing to indicate her husband has abused her but I accept slapping is wrong. Suggesting someone gets help to learn 'coping skills' could apply to them all but they all need to cope now.

Then please make sure you're never in that situation helping a postpartum mother out if you think you'd be snapping after 2 weeks if it was difficult.

Did you not bother to read how the husband has gone on in the OP? or are you putting that down to the OP pushing him to do it because she's postpartum.

Your attitude is awful.

Saying they all need to cope now, wtf, she's postpartum, she can't help it if she's a bit emotional, she can't just snap herself out of her hormones, she certainly won't be in the best position to learn to cope in an environment where the husband and her mother are acting like that, if anything they are likely to make it even harder for her to cope.

OP - how are you? How are things?

Your mum absolutely has to leave.
2 weeks pp your hormones are everywhere.
definitely get your mum to leave and get your husband to sleep next door.
Absolutely speak to your midwife about it all & if possible have him there to hear how bad this is from an outside point of view. That is just disgusting behaviour. It’s tough in the first few weeks but mum & baby should always be the priority.