Mum slapped me during argument with husband

[Korin19]

I'm 2 weeks postpartum and my husband has been such a jerk since I got back from hospital.
Yes he helped me with my washroom routine the first week and giving me food. But he doesnt really care about my emotional state. A simple question to him today "why was your phone not on ringing mode" caused him to shout at me and walk out of the house. I went behind him and pleaded him to not leave. Yet he still left and came back 4 hours later (after i called and begged him to come back). This is the second incident in 2 weeks. I've cried till my eyes are swollen. Worst thing is he watches me cry and doesn't flinch. Says the meanest things and continues arguing and is so sarcastic.
My mum is staying with us to help with the baby.
As the argument got heated today after he came back, mum interfered and slapped me. My phone which was in my hand fell on the floor. I looked at my husband and asked him what did you do.
I asked my mum how could you slap me, I'm an adult. I'm 35 years old

By this point, I was crying inconsolably (I have anxiety). Mum said to stop or she will slap me again.
I said "how dare you slapped me". She threathened to leave the house. Husband threathened to take the baby and leave and go to his mums house. My mum pleaded him to not leave and at the same time kept blaming me and scolding me.
I walked to my room and lied on the bed, crying. He came to me and started lecturing me like everything was my fault and its my fault that i got slapped. A good 15 mins of lecture while I said nothing.
He said nothing to my mum. Did not defend me at all. Even my mum didn't defend me at all. She has this ancient mindset that men can get angry but women can't. Men can shout but women can't. Men can say stuff because they're men but women should be polite and never stand up to their husbands.

After she slapped me, Mum went to bed. Husband went to bed after lecturing. And here I am writing this at 4.30am, having my dinner now.
I told them earlier that I'm 2 weeks postpartum and this shouldn't happen. Husband shouldn't be fighting with me over the most petty thing and should care and support me and keep me happy during this phase.
Both Husband and my mum said to not use postpartum as excuse, that I should be tough now that I'm a mum. My mum said even if my husband tells me stuff or is mean to me that I should just bite my tongue and don't respond. My mum said to not keep saying "postpartum" like it's a big deal and when she delivered, she was doing chores immediately when she returned from hospital. My mum even shouted and told me that I should've travelled me 5 hours in car with newborn to stay with her and my family instead of her coming and staying with us. She said people can travel with newborn, it's easy with a car and that I shouldnt have given "excuse " that baby is too little and fragile to travel at 2 weeks.
I'm just perplexed at my mum's stupidity, my husband's selfishness and this entire drama.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I feel so unsupported and I'm madd to feel like my job is done now that I've delivered the baby and now I'm useless.
I have half the mind to just pack bags and leave the house, both of them can stay with each other. But I can't leave my baby and he wouldn't let me take the baby too.
So defeated. This is not the postpartum I expected. I'm dissappointed and so hurt.

There isn't a side that makes it okay for one adult to hit another and threaten to continue to do so

Which is what the OP is seeking support for

Call your midwife ASAP and tell her exactly what you said here. Screenshot your post if easier.
You are being abused, you are vulnerable. Do not minimise this. This is not normal. You need to get out out.

Also you can make a police report.
Your mother hit you,
Your mother hit you.
This is really serious. Your midwife will support you as will your health visitor, women's aid etc. Help is out there. We are all supporting you too. You have the strength xxxxx

Which side thinks it’s ok to slap someone especially a woman who has just given birth ?

What has any of that got to do with the abuse OP is suffering and the atrocious views held by her mother?

Who mentioned colour?

She says multiple times she’s 2 weeks PP,
not 4. It’s MN, you’ll only ever hear one side of the story.

I think angling at postpartum psychosis is a tad extreme just for not mentioning a baby in a conflict that’s not really to do with the baby.

Hopefully OP will get midwife/health visitor support and kick her mother out!

Culture can be any colour.

What culture are you?
I am so so sorry this is happening to you
My mum is much the same. I wouldnt let us near us when I was postpartum. I was cursed and raged at and taunted but it affirmed my decision.
Please seek help.
Womens Aid and also Health visitor
If you need someone to talk to please message x

more than likely a cultural situation. And if that’s the case it’s going to be very difficult for OP to get a good outcome here. If Pakistani or Indian family, the communities are very tight knit, and extended family are particularly involved. So support within the family is going to be extremely difficult. But there are authorities out there who specialise in this sort of situation if this is the case, which is why it’s important that OP confirms which cultural background she is part of. Sounds an absolutely awful environment to be in.

Hey OP, I'm so sorry you are going through this. You are healing from giving birth and have this new little human in your life, and I'm sure you want to be able to focus on the baby rather than be floored by the awful company you currently have. You have done nothing wrong and I hope you can get help, because you need to be taken care of also. Being so newly postpartum you must be exhausted and needing TLC. Your mother has her way of life and should not be forcing that on you, and your husband should be supporting you and showing you love. You have brought life into this world and that is such an amazing thing, I hope you find the strength you need to do the right thing for you and your child. If you have a supportive friend or family member please seek them out, I really hope you do.

Oh OP I feel so sad for you. When I started reading I thought “oh the mum slapped the husband” and got such a shock when I read that she slapped you! They are both behaving like absolute beasts and you are quite right try at you are 2 weeks (!!) post partum. He should be supporting you gladly and your mum should have YOUR back all the time, especially right now. I understand that she’s from an older generation and thinks it’s better to keep you timid and accepting than risk your husband leaving, but she is absolutely wrong and her actions are indefensible. I would find it really hard to forgive this personally.

You obviously need more support than they can give. I'd reach out to some support groups or midwife.

Well your mum sounds um interesting and def time for her to head home

Is your husband usually difficult? Do you guys usually argue? Is he sharing baby care? Is he working? When he leaves is it to calm down for a break or a punishment thing?

I don't nessarily agree that your husband needs to 'keep you happy' bit of a weird expectation

@penjil and @Glorianna Race and Culture are different. It's important to know the differences between them, and to use them correctly.

Culture
These are learned behaviours – thoughts, beliefs, values and customs – that you pick up as you grow up and choose to adopt or leave behind as you get older. You can have cultural elements and influences from various places, and in general, it’s your choice.

e.g. “I’m Irish, I can’t go to this house party empty handed.” And, “We don’t wait for our dad to sit down before we start eating anymore.”

Race
This is mainly based off your appearance and to some extent ethnicity. Race is usually much broader groups to try and categorise all people into just a few boxes. The exact racial groups differ from place to place (e.g. ‘Asian’ in Australia means something different to ‘Asian’ in the UK) but they’re nevertheless broad categories. In general, race is a distinction that’s placed upon you that you can’t change.

e.g. “I really like Latino women.” And, “I hang out with mostly Asians.”

And a bonus fun fact for you:
Ethnicity

This refers to those you have a common ancestry, language and/or culture. You can go as micro or as macro as you like, but the distinction here is heritage. For example, someone who is 5th generation Australian with ancestors from India may consider themselves still ethnically Indian. In general, you don’t choose this yourself (although you may choose the specificity) but it’s something that as a collective you give yourselves and refer to yourselves by.

e.g. “I grew up in Laos but I’m ethnically Chinese.” And, “My parents raised me here in Melbourne but I’m Lebanese – my great-grandparents migrated to Australia years ago.”

References
www.livescience.com/difference-between-race-ethnicity.html

science.howstuffworks.com/life/genetic/race-vs-ethnicity.htm

:)

THEY are the problem. Absolute twats!

I’m about to have my second and my Mum is coming to help me. She wouldnt sit by whilst my husband shouted at me and she would never physically assault me. You are 2 weeks post birth and vulnerable and dealing with a world of emotions on top of these unsupportive twats being horrible to you. You don’t deserve this at all OP. My mum is coming to help ME and make sure I’m ok emotionally as I also struggle with anxiety and found it really hard after the birth of my first and my husband whilst not horrible isn’t always the most empathetic (tho he tries). My point is- my mother is coming to be kind to me and make sure I’m taken care of. Your mother has been an absolute cow and worst of all been nasty to you va providing support. Get her to leave. Let your midwife know you’re having a hard time.

Sending you a huge huge hug!! This breaks my heart. Do you have any friends in real life you can speak to? Any sisters? Would MIL be supportive?

@Starzinsky did you miss the part where her mother slapped her in the face?!

Please let your midwife know

This is entirely not true.

Tell your mother to leave or you will call police and have her charged with assault I wouldn’t be having anything to do with her again but that’s me. Tell your waste of space husband he either steps up and takes care of you and helps with his baby or he will be in the divorce courts by February I wouldn’t be ever having another baby with that man. They are right you do need to be strong now you’re a mum you need to take care of yourself and not let people treat you like that so you can take care of your new baby! Be strong he/she doesn’t need to see you treated like this it’s not normal.

I am so sorry you have to go through this. You don't deserve it and both your mum and husband should be supporting you not treating you like this. My DH shouted at me after I had my baby. Things are better now (though I haven't forgotten it). I'm sending big hugs your way.

I agree with the other posters to contact your midwife or GP for support. I would also tell the mum to leave if it was me. If she hurts you again, don't be afraid to contact the police. She has no right to to lay a finger on you.

I sincerely hope things improve for you.

I wondered this…the OPs posting style tells me she isn’t English/living in the UK.
i hope im wrong, i know some other countries dont have support from a midwife or health visitor in the postnatal period.
OP your husband is emotionally and verbally abusive. Your mum assaulted you. Do you have any other support-friends or family? This is not ok.

you seem to be between abusive people . Contact the police regarding your mum slapping you and speak with your midwife regarding your husband abusive behaviour . You need to be away from those 2 toxic people asap .

Newborns cannot travel 5 hours in the car, this is ridiculous. Your mum is cruel and your husband is a twat, I am sorry you are going through this. Who cares what your mum had done during her postpartum, everyone's different and experiences this difficult hormonal time differently. If I was you, I would ask her to leave immediately and cut contact, she's not helping by any stretch.

Easier said than done, I know. Send your mother home in the first instance, soon as she wakes up. Speak to your health visitor, midwife, whoever is giving you postpartum care, and tell them what happened. All of it.
I would ditch the husband too but I daresay you don't feel strong enough for that yet. That's completely okay! But start making plans, getting things in order etc. Their behaviour is unforgivable.
I suspect you won't do any of this though, unfortunately.

Both of them are absolute cnts OP. Abusive.nasty cnts. I’m so sorry.