Mum slapped me during argument with husband

[Korin19]

I'm 2 weeks postpartum and my husband has been such a jerk since I got back from hospital.
Yes he helped me with my washroom routine the first week and giving me food. But he doesnt really care about my emotional state. A simple question to him today "why was your phone not on ringing mode" caused him to shout at me and walk out of the house. I went behind him and pleaded him to not leave. Yet he still left and came back 4 hours later (after i called and begged him to come back). This is the second incident in 2 weeks. I've cried till my eyes are swollen. Worst thing is he watches me cry and doesn't flinch. Says the meanest things and continues arguing and is so sarcastic.
My mum is staying with us to help with the baby.
As the argument got heated today after he came back, mum interfered and slapped me. My phone which was in my hand fell on the floor. I looked at my husband and asked him what did you do.
I asked my mum how could you slap me, I'm an adult. I'm 35 years old

By this point, I was crying inconsolably (I have anxiety). Mum said to stop or she will slap me again.
I said "how dare you slapped me". She threathened to leave the house. Husband threathened to take the baby and leave and go to his mums house. My mum pleaded him to not leave and at the same time kept blaming me and scolding me.
I walked to my room and lied on the bed, crying. He came to me and started lecturing me like everything was my fault and its my fault that i got slapped. A good 15 mins of lecture while I said nothing.
He said nothing to my mum. Did not defend me at all. Even my mum didn't defend me at all. She has this ancient mindset that men can get angry but women can't. Men can shout but women can't. Men can say stuff because they're men but women should be polite and never stand up to their husbands.

After she slapped me, Mum went to bed. Husband went to bed after lecturing. And here I am writing this at 4.30am, having my dinner now.
I told them earlier that I'm 2 weeks postpartum and this shouldn't happen. Husband shouldn't be fighting with me over the most petty thing and should care and support me and keep me happy during this phase.
Both Husband and my mum said to not use postpartum as excuse, that I should be tough now that I'm a mum. My mum said even if my husband tells me stuff or is mean to me that I should just bite my tongue and don't respond. My mum said to not keep saying "postpartum" like it's a big deal and when she delivered, she was doing chores immediately when she returned from hospital. My mum even shouted and told me that I should've travelled me 5 hours in car with newborn to stay with her and my family instead of her coming and staying with us. She said people can travel with newborn, it's easy with a car and that I shouldnt have given "excuse " that baby is too little and fragile to travel at 2 weeks.
I'm just perplexed at my mum's stupidity, my husband's selfishness and this entire drama.

I'm not sure why I'm writing this. I feel so unsupported and I'm madd to feel like my job is done now that I've delivered the baby and now I'm useless.
I have half the mind to just pack bags and leave the house, both of them can stay with each other. But I can't leave my baby and he wouldn't let me take the baby too.
So defeated. This is not the postpartum I expected. I'm dissappointed and so hurt.

That poor, poor baby being born into such a hostile, volatile environment.
You need to take action before social services do.

I looked at my husband and asked him what did you do.

Why would you say this to your husband?
I’m confused why your mum slapping you was his fault.

Firstly, your mum needs to leave.

It is not her home and she physically assaulted you.

Tell her to go back to her own home.

You can look after the baby by yourself.
You may think it’s hard but it will be a hell of a lot easier when it’s less toxic.

Unfortunately, you cannot just kick your DH out of his own home.
So you can ask him to leave or leave yourself.

But I wouldn’t even worry about that yet.
Just get your mum out and then plan your next steps.

Please don’t scare OP from getting help. Her baby won’t be removed from her because she was a victim of her mother and her husband has shouted and left the home.

Very sad to read about your situation. You should be well supported to enable you to enjoy these first precious days of motherhood, but that all depends on your support network which from what you say is very lacking and destructive. DH & your mother are not part of the solution for you & your baby, they are the problem!
I hope that you will dig deep & find the strength to get help, there seems no point in wasting your energy trying to get DH & your mother to behave in a reasonable way.
In my experience midwives/HVs can be thin on the ground, so perhaps try your GP for a guaranteed confidential conversation. GP may be able to suggest organisations that can offer you the support that you don’t have, but are in desperate need of right now. I wish you the best & hope you will post more, bad or good. Thinking of you XX

I am very sorry they are treating you like that. Even if you were being a little unreasonable, you are allowed too. Hormones are all over the place and keeping a baby alive is tiring. If your mum was there to help that'd be great but clearly she is just doing the opposite so tell her to pack her stuff and leave. Your husband and you need to sit and talk about how to solve this going forward. It is a very hard time for couples but, as I said your husband should be more supportive Your midwife can maybe help you both with some tips on how to parent more effectively and support you in this tough time.

Pack a nappy bag, an over night bag and your bank cards and go alone to visit the infant welfare centre to have a full check for yourself and your baby. Your husband is behaving like a bully. Your mother is also and she sounds out of her depth staying away fromher home.
Is she there because you have injuries from birth from which you are recovering? Can you not lift the baby? Can you manage without her? Do your own laundry and meals?
If you can manage those things, reclaim those tasks and ask her to leave.
If your mother and husband continue being nasty, do not argue back with these bullies just calmly retreat and phone the police and tell them that someone slapped you, threatened to take your newborn child from you etc. when they answer the door.
Your husband, I imagine, has returned to work. He can not take the baby away. Was his phone on no ring to assist him and the baby to sleep? Does he need to sleep more every second night? Why is he being a dick?
He is incapable of filling your emotional needs due to whatever?? So talk to the midwife about your emotional needs. It could be that you need extra support.

Oh OP this sounds terrible. What absolute arseholes they are. This makes me so sad for you.

This ^^ Please do what @MrNovember says, and may I add please tell your GP as well xx

If the OP was really posting at 4.30am then she is somewhere that is 8 hours ahead of the U.K. That would place her in one of a number of Asian countries (Singapore, Hong Kong, China, Philippines, Malaysia, Brunei, Taiwan and a few others) or in Western Australia.

The level of support available to her and the attitude of police and other authorities towards her if she reports this could vary very significantly depending on which country she is in.

Mum needs to leave.
you need a break. Is there a mum and baby home/retreat where you are? seems like an ideal option - you’ll get pp care, dh will get a chance to sleep and hopefully reflect and find out what’s bothering him.
pp isn’t a joke. You need to get care. If this mum and baby home isn’t an option for a couple of nights, you need to think of another option.

I'm so sorry you're going through this OP. Especially so soon after having a baby. It is such a fragile time and you need care, love and support!

My ex-partner was unsupportive when I came home from the hospital, I don't think he cared at all about the emotions and baby blues we feel after having a baby. Needless to say we're no longer together and I wish I hadn't wasted so much time with him.

They both sound like bullies. I don't know what parent would slap any child let alone an adult child.

I understand you need support right now so may be reluctant to tell them to leave , but it doesn't sound as if they're supporting you and you might want to consider if it's best for your mental health if they aren't around?

Based on the OP’s post saying it was 4:30am when it was 8:30pm here, she is likely somewhere in East Asia. There may not be the same legal protections for women in her situation where she is.

I agree with you that the PP was unhelpful though.

Another thing id recommend is writing things down in a diary or journal. So you remember what they've said and done. I wish I had done this.

I agree. Keep a record of bullying and abusive behaviour form both. Neither of these people is good for you and sounds like ultimately you’d be better off going it alone.

Oh OP this sounds awful. Big hug from me.
I would follow the advice on other posts, pointing you in the direction of support. You need backup.

What stood out for me is that you said you H wouldn’t let you take the baby too. Sounds like he holds all the power. Please look after yourself 💐

You need to throw both of the fuckers out, you poor pet! xx

Mother needs to go back home then decide how you want to deal with your husband. I can't believe what I've just read ,you poor thing x

I hope you and your baby are ok.

I hope you're OK @Korin19 You deserve so much better. I HAD a dp like you....our DTs were born prematurely and we stayed at the hospital for weeks. He played the doting dad in front of the nurses and midwives. Less than 48 hours after bringing our DTs home he was causing so many arguments. Any excuse to strop off and leave me doing everything. I felt so so low. My own mother was no help, and told me to unwind with some wine!!

Anyway within 6 months I got the strength to finally get rid. I'm not going to lie and say it was easy, it wasn't, but my 'D'P had showed me what my life was going to be like now there were children involved. My DTs are teenagers now and doting daddy doesn't bother whatsoever.

Heartbreaking to read that your own Mum acted like that towards you. That would be unforgivable for me.

I hope you manage to get through these hard times. It will get easier. Please speak to your health visitor and don't keep silent on what's been going on.

What's your point though?
Do you think she's imagining how they're treating her because she has post natal psychosis?
Or do you think that she's behaving in an irrational way and frustrating everyone around her and that's why she's getting shouted at and slapped?

Where are you that it's 04:30 for you but 20:30 in the UK?

India? Japan? That would let us know who to recommend that you contact for help.

I'm just giving an alternative view but is it possible your Mum thought you was hysterical and hoped a short sharp shock might bring you to your senses. I'm not dismissing your feelings but there's an awful lot of crying going on and you haven't once mentioned your baby. Your husband has suggested staying away for a bit with the baby so presumably you're not breast feeding. There are 3 adult in the home so between you you should be able to care for 1 bottle fed baby Clearly there's more going on.
It would be unusual for a husband and a mother to gang up on someone like this so lm wondering if there's more going on.
Whatever is happening, it's not normal and its clearly distressing. Speak to your midwife....alone. Maybe you could agree to your MW speaking with your mum and OH too. Consider what you would prefer right now. Would you like your mum and OH to leave you alone with your baby, or maybe you would like a break alone.Your midwife with areange the support you need. You will not always feel this way.