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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not heard from mum or sister all day - someone talk me down?

154 replies

spiralingworry · 30/12/2023 20:50

I’m getting really worried and not sure what I can do. I speak to my mum several times a day, FaceTimed this morning. I’ve been trying to call her hourly since 2pm today and haven’t heard a peep. She was last on WhatsApp just before 2pm. She’s on her phone regularly so this is v out of character. Equally my sister is surgically attached to her phone and I can’t get hold of her either. I’ve spoken to an auntie who said she spoke to her at lunch and hasn’t heard from her since, and agrees it’s unusual for her not to be online.

for info, mum isn’t elderly or unwell or anything that would make her vulnerable. They live over an hour away and I’m home alone with a toddler. Is there anything else I can do? I’m starting to get to panic stations a bit and I know there will probably be a daft explanation… if something bad had happened, surely someone would know?

OP posts:
Dumbo18 · 31/12/2023 13:28

Don’t worry - I speak to my dad every day and if he doesn’t answer or ring me back within and hour or two panic sets in. No I’m not anxious or dramatic I just know that he is always contactable as in never leaves his phone anywhere

excelledyourself · 31/12/2023 14:15

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 13:24

did op clarify how far she lived from Mother

You'll see she mentioned it twice. What's your point?

excelledyourself · 31/12/2023 14:16

Sorry you got snide replies OP. Glad all is well.

LonelynSad · 31/12/2023 14:33

Newchapterbeckons · 31/12/2023 06:36

Sounds like a co dependent relationship. Multiple times a day?! Feel sorry for ops child:children and dh. They are being severely deprived of ops time and attention.

Edited

Nice assumption that OP has a DH!!!!!

GoingDownLikeBHS · 31/12/2023 15:22

NotAdultingToday · 31/12/2023 13:14

Im glad everything worked out op!

Just to make you feel better i have a group chat of my best friends, 5 of us, we talk on and off pretty much all day. One of the group went a bit quiet (we all do sometimes if got things going on) and then stopped responding , then stopped reading messages, then not responding to the member of the group shes closest too who was having a bad time.
So we all started to worry as it was so unsual. We called her and her partner several times and nothing. This was over a day with no contact or even reading messages which seems crazy short amount of time but so unlike her thats why we worried.

Eventually we got through to her it was just that one time she put her phone on do not disturb but it was so out of character thats why we worried.

I posted something broadly similar upthread but it seems that anyone who posts "yeah I do the same as the OP" is being roundly ignored and some posters are actively trying to goad replies, like saying that OP must be on benefits with nothing to do, or she's co-dependent, needs to see a doctor, neglecting her other family or whatever. Its batshit - desperate attempts to "other" OP for behaving in what to many of us is a perfectly normal way!

crumblingschools · 31/12/2023 15:28

@NotAdultingToday do none of you work? How can you be chatting all day?

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 15:37

Its batshit - desperate attempts to "other" OP for behaving in what to many of us is a perfectly normal way!

Starting a thread on Mumsnet AIBU if i was “very worried” about my mother is not something i’d do personally

Original poster
spiralingworry · 31/12/2023 15:40

@GoingDownLikeBHS MN really is batshit sometimes!

OP posts:
GoingDownLikeBHS · 31/12/2023 15:40

That doesn’t make it wrong - surely you see that? Some of us connect differently our family and friends! Sorry posting on phone - that comment was to PP not OP

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 16:11

GoingDownLikeBHS · 31/12/2023 15:40

That doesn’t make it wrong - surely you see that? Some of us connect differently our family and friends! Sorry posting on phone - that comment was to PP not OP

Edited

no my point is i’m intrigued how one’s response to being “very worried” about a loved one is to think

“oh i know, i’ll start a thread on AIBU on mumsnet”

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 16:12

They live over an hour away and I’m home alone with a toddler.

i don’t get why jumping in car with some snacks for toddler for an hour would have been a big deal if you were “so worried”.

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 16:13

and would have been a lovely opp for a spontaneous visit to see granny.

Original poster
spiralingworry · 31/12/2023 16:27

@rochethenut it was 9pm and the toddler was fast asleep! 🤣

like I already said, I was worried but knew there was probably a reasonable explanation which is why I posted here for advice to settle my nerves. I think dragging a sleeping toddler out of bed to drive over an hour at night would warrant more ‘you need help’ replies on this thread than I already got!

OP posts:
rochethenut · 31/12/2023 16:35

spiralingworry · 31/12/2023 16:27

@rochethenut it was 9pm and the toddler was fast asleep! 🤣

like I already said, I was worried but knew there was probably a reasonable explanation which is why I posted here for advice to settle my nerves. I think dragging a sleeping toddler out of bed to drive over an hour at night would warrant more ‘you need help’ replies on this thread than I already got!

that was when you started the thread

You’d been worried since 2pm

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 16:36

dragging your toddler out of bed at 2pm?!

, I was worried but knew there was probably a reasonable explanation which is why I posted here for advice to settle my nerves.

AIBU on mumsnet?!

DontGoBreakingMyHeart · 31/12/2023 16:39

While I or many others probably wouldn’t post on MN, I think that different people are different, and different people have different outlets. So if you have a massive circle of friends for instance then you may not have as much contact with your parents if you don’t.

I also speak to my mum frequently, And my mum worries if she can’t get hold of me on account of the fact that 7 years ago she was unable to get hold of me and by the time she did I was in hospital on life support having been rushed there with sepsis and organ failure.

So if you’re used to speaking to someone regularly, if you suddenly don’t then that isn’t your norm.

As for the people berating the OP for posting on MN, don’t you work or have anything better to do given you are here posting on mn? Just as some of you spend your time on here bitching and being spiteful to other people, so others post here for different type of reasons. Horses for courses innit?

NotAdultingToday · 31/12/2023 16:42

@GoingDownLikeBHS its crazy isnt it?

@crumblingschools we do all work yes in professional jobs and 3 of us have children, im not saying is constant or all of us talking at once, there can be hours before replies but we do talk. To be honest i dont even know what we find to chat about theres just always something

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 16:46

rather than starting a thread about my worry

i would have jumped in the car with my toddler in the afternoon (op was concerned from 2pm) and paid a surprise new year’s eve visit. An hour’s drive? snack and ipad if he isnt a great traveller.

excelledyourself · 31/12/2023 16:46

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 16:36

dragging your toddler out of bed at 2pm?!

, I was worried but knew there was probably a reasonable explanation which is why I posted here for advice to settle my nerves.

AIBU on mumsnet?!

Why not try accepting that, thankfully, not everyone is like you and just give it a rest ?

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 16:51

i just asked the Op why she didn’t do this
she responded it was 9
i pointed out she’d been very worried since 2pm

🤷‍♀️

bennyonthedispatch · 31/12/2023 16:51

mrsbyers · 30/12/2023 21:00

You could ring non urgent police and ask for a welfare check but first I’d check in their local area Facebook group and ask if people are having phone issues or try sending an email to sister

Please don't do this unless you haven't been in contact for much longer/there are vulnerabilities involved. I work for the police (cover Fife) and this a total waste of resources unless you have genuine concerns. I can't tell you how much time & resources is wasted on calls like these. Of course the police will attend and sometimes people are have a crisis or found ill or worse, but not contacting someone for a few hours is not a cause for concern.

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 16:52

would i be worried in her shoes
yes

would i talk to my mother daily (if she was alive) hell yes probably

my only question why be so worried all day when there’s a mere hours drive between you and your mother

excelledyourself · 31/12/2023 17:00

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 16:51

i just asked the Op why she didn’t do this
she responded it was 9
i pointed out she’d been very worried since 2pm

🤷‍♀️

No, she's not been worried since 2. That's just the first she tried to call and by 9pm, 7 hours had passed and she WAS worried, but was too late to go anywhere so posted here.

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 17:10

but if surgically attached to it
and trying for say…. 3 hours, then presumably then?

i suppose i just can’t fathom being “really worried” as the hours pass by and there is a mere hour between me and them!

rochethenut · 31/12/2023 17:12

if i was really worried…. after 3 hours i’d have packed an overnight bag and jumped in car.

Worst case… something has happened but you’re there

Best case…. your mum is 100% and you and toddler have a night at mum’s and given no one was back at home anyway… no big deal

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