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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Not heard from mum or sister all day - someone talk me down?

154 replies

spiralingworry · 30/12/2023 20:50

I’m getting really worried and not sure what I can do. I speak to my mum several times a day, FaceTimed this morning. I’ve been trying to call her hourly since 2pm today and haven’t heard a peep. She was last on WhatsApp just before 2pm. She’s on her phone regularly so this is v out of character. Equally my sister is surgically attached to her phone and I can’t get hold of her either. I’ve spoken to an auntie who said she spoke to her at lunch and hasn’t heard from her since, and agrees it’s unusual for her not to be online.

for info, mum isn’t elderly or unwell or anything that would make her vulnerable. They live over an hour away and I’m home alone with a toddler. Is there anything else I can do? I’m starting to get to panic stations a bit and I know there will probably be a daft explanation… if something bad had happened, surely someone would know?

OP posts:
RosaSkyes · 30/12/2023 21:01

Sister’s partner? Social media? Would they have had drink and have fallen asleep?

Allthatglittersisntart · 30/12/2023 21:02

Phones stolen? Went on some-where? One of them got sick and looking after other one?

whitebreadjamsandwich · 30/12/2023 21:02

Weather is horrid in Fife so may well be a service issue

HowToSaveAWife · 30/12/2023 21:02

I'd start making plans to go over there. Pack a bag, feed toddler, get everything sorted and about to leave...

Then you'll be guaranteed to get a "I put my phone on do not disturb/silent/lost it down the sofa" text. Kinda like when you resign yourself to never going into labour so you wear suede shoes...only to pop your waters all over them.

Honestly though I would give myself a cut off point, like 9am tomorrow, and if you still haven't heard then go over there. Just think if there was an emergency with your mum, your dad's phone would be on, he would tell you. Likewise with your sister, your mum would contact you.

And if it was something bigger like something happened to both, the police would be knocking to inform you.

Don't go to total panic stations just yet.

Gingerbreadmoon · 30/12/2023 21:03

Hope they’re ok, had this with my mum a few weeks ago and felt sick! We are all so contactable these days that we forget how it used to be! Like someone else said it’s more likely than not that they are fine x

hurlyburlygirly · 30/12/2023 21:03

Same here with o2, even in central London. It's a pain in the arse and has been for weeks. Try not to panic.

crochetmonkey74 · 30/12/2023 21:03

I do this OP so I know the feeling!
The only thing that helps me is the feeling of "no news is good news" if something was wrong, you would have been contacted by now.
I have bad anxiety around this, so in my family we all now have Nokia cheap phones too to act as a back up or 'landline' type thing. After today, get some of their friends numbers and hopefully a neighbour too as this will make it easier on you.
Ignore people on here who are dismissive. If it's not normal for your mum and sis to do this, of course you are likely to worry. Ignore all the people who say otherwise.

halfmice · 30/12/2023 21:04

They will be ok and there will be a reason OP. I know it’s hard not to worry, I do totally get it. Vanishingly unlikely that anything would’ve happened especially not to both of them.

LonelynSad · 30/12/2023 21:07

There's no service issues with O2 in the KY postcode area for Fife. Checked for you OP. Doesn't mean there isn't a good explanation though. We're all here to handhold anyway, until you get in touch with them 🫂

randomstress · 30/12/2023 21:07

If the weather is bad then service problems would seem the most likely explanation.

Original poster
spiralingworry · 30/12/2023 21:07

She’s just phoned and she’s fine! My sister was ignoring her phone for once, and my mum had gone out without her phone for once! Typical. Panic over. Thanks for the handhold xx

OP posts:
Mimimayhem18 · 30/12/2023 21:08

You could try their postcode in the O2 service status website? It would tell you of any service issues in her area.

Original poster
spiralingworry · 30/12/2023 21:09

@HowToSaveAWife thats exactly what happened! I had just joined their local FB groups and was googling the number for A&E at their local hospital and up popped the phone call!

OP posts:
HowToSaveAWife · 30/12/2023 21:11

I always feel like that's the universe's way of saying "OK OK, since you're THIS worried, let me intervene ..."

Glad it's worked out ok!

crochetmonkey74 · 30/12/2023 21:12

Phew ! I'm really glad OP

Tinkleberryz · 30/12/2023 21:13

Glad they’re ok op, I think as another poster said it shows how contactable we all are now.

crumblingschools · 30/12/2023 21:13

Why were you phoning hourly from 2pm? Can your mum not have a life and have to respond to you as soon as you call/message?

If you mum lives with your dad surely he would have contacted you if there was a problem.

pontipinemum · 30/12/2023 21:19

Glad that phoned. I'd have worried if that was my mam because it'd be so unlike her

DeeLusional · 30/12/2023 21:20

spiralingworry · 30/12/2023 20:58

She is on o2 actually, but I’m just weirded out that they’re both uncontactable for this length of time. I don’t know any of their neighbours, they haven’t lived where they are for very long so no one I can ask to check. I’m sure it’s fine, I’m just getting myself in a panic.

If something was wrong while they were out, the police would have contacted your father and he would have contacted you.

DeeLusional · 30/12/2023 21:22

DeeLusional · 30/12/2023 21:20

If something was wrong while they were out, the police would have contacted your father and he would have contacted you.

Show quote history

Relief all round. 😊

Goinggreymammy · 30/12/2023 21:23

crumblingschools · 30/12/2023 21:13

Why were you phoning hourly from 2pm? Can your mum not have a life and have to respond to you as soon as you call/message?

If you mum lives with your dad surely he would have contacted you if there was a problem.

I am really glad your mum phoned you and all is well. But I am very concerned that you would go into such a panic that a physically well, mobile adult would be uncontactable for half a day. Phoning your mother hourly because she didn't answer the first time seems like you got very anxious. Particularly when there was no cause for concern.. .. your dad would have contacted you if there was. Have you ever got any support for anxiety? You mentioned you were alone in your house with a toddler. I think that building up to this level of anxiety so quickly is something that a toddler would definitely pick up on and would not be good for them. There was a thread yesterday where a new mother was describing how her parents expected constant contact from her (and calls ftom her OH too), and she was advised that she needs to focus on her own family now. This thread reminded me of it. Hope you are doing OK, and if you feel anxious like this again maybe speak to a health visitor or your GP.

CaineRaine · 30/12/2023 21:27

Goinggreymammy · 30/12/2023 21:23

I am really glad your mum phoned you and all is well. But I am very concerned that you would go into such a panic that a physically well, mobile adult would be uncontactable for half a day. Phoning your mother hourly because she didn't answer the first time seems like you got very anxious. Particularly when there was no cause for concern.. .. your dad would have contacted you if there was. Have you ever got any support for anxiety? You mentioned you were alone in your house with a toddler. I think that building up to this level of anxiety so quickly is something that a toddler would definitely pick up on and would not be good for them. There was a thread yesterday where a new mother was describing how her parents expected constant contact from her (and calls ftom her OH too), and she was advised that she needs to focus on her own family now. This thread reminded me of it. Hope you are doing OK, and if you feel anxious like this again maybe speak to a health visitor or your GP.

Show quote history

I have to say I agree with this. It is not healthy or normal to spiral into anxiety so rapidly because grown adults with no apparent vulnerabilities don’t respond to you for a few hours. It’s also actually a bit of a sad indictment of how tracked we are in modern life that we can’t go off-grid for even a few hours without someone noticing.

electriclight · 30/12/2023 21:28

I'm really pleased they're ok.

But your reaction to someone not answering their phone for a few hours is extreme - calling round relatives and A&E.

I think you all maybe need a break from speaking several times a day, or certainly the expectation that you can do that and people won't ever have their phone off or in another room.

Original poster
spiralingworry · 30/12/2023 21:30

Yes, I did get anxious as I’ve already explained it’s really unusual for her not to answer or be online for so long! Had she said she was doing xyz, I wouldn’t have been trying to contact her. We chat several times a day so she can FaceTime with my toddler - she often calls me rather than me calling her. I didn’t go into instant panic mode, I panicked after 7/8 hours.

Thanks for the messages of concern, but there really isn’t an issue! It might seem strange to some people, but when you’re used to someone being so contactable, and likewise being contactable yourself, it’s worrying when that isn’t the case.

OP posts:
Original poster
spiralingworry · 30/12/2023 21:31

I appreciate the kind replies. Not reading the others as it’s really not helpful.

OP posts: