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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH doesn't want to go on holiday....at all

115 replies

MooMaa83 · 30/12/2023 10:28

I know we're in a privileged position for being able to afford a holiday...We have an 8 year old and a 2 year old and for the last 10 years have had either no holiday or shit UK holidays which have been a complete washout in grotty air b n b's or camping. This year we are fortunate to have the funds to go abroad. I'd love to go away for a week of guaranteed sunshine and let the kids enjoy the pool/beach.

Our 2 year old has been an awful sleeper from day one, and we're both exhausted with managing that, plus our older daughter has ASD and with work etc things have been very stressful.

I mentioned a holiday abroad a couple of times before Christmas, met with unenthusiastic response from DH. I started looking seriously at deals the last couple of days and DH has said he doesn't want to go anywhere this year, that it will be too difficult with the kids and especially with the toddler not sleeping well. He was so negative about it, it's like he's turned into a boring grumpy old man and he's only 43! I feel like with how hard things have been and our lack of holidays that it's even more reason to go. The toddler's sleep is rubbish anyway, so we may as well be on the beach rather than moping around the house!

I just feel really disappointed that he's being so miserable and negative about it. But AIBU, is flying abroad with a non sleeping toddler and 8 year old too much? I was only thinking of short haul flight to Spain!

YABU- holiday is too hard/stressful in the circumstances
YANBU- he's being a grumpy sod, a holiday would be amazing!

OP posts:
tenbob · 30/12/2023 10:31

Tbh DH and I have reached the same conclusion after our non-sleeping 2yo wrecking our holiday this year

The plane was hell, he was up all night every night, we couldn’t entertain him with usual toys so resorted to a muted iPad at 5am to avoid waking the other DC up.

We have said we will save our money and go away again properly when he is sleeping better.

In my experience, being on holiday with a non sleeping child is WAY worse than being at home with one, even if there is a kids club and beach

cornonthesnob · 30/12/2023 10:33

None of you are in the wrong really. Plus going abroad with bad sleeping kids is chaos. I've done it with a toddler who doesn't sleep, and she was grouchy and not in a routine.

Will your ASD child be okay with change of routine?
I'd maybe book a weekend abroad away with DH, sounds like you both could do with a break and go away on your own for a few days.

thedukeofbuckinghamshire · 30/12/2023 10:34

To be honest, I feel like going on holiday with a toddler is pretty much just doing the same in a less convenient place without all your stuff. I would honestly rather save the money til they're a bit older and more independent. But I have a tendency to miserable too. I've never been a massive holiday person and hate flying (especially with kids!) while my partner enjoys holidays a lot more and now the kids are a bit older it's much easier. Once the youngest (4) can swim on his own I think that's a game changer.

CuriousGeorge80 · 30/12/2023 10:36

I’m with your DH as the current parent of a very poor sleeping 2 year old! We still only holiday in the UK or visiting family overseas in a proper house. I’m hoping one more year and that will change!

ShirleyPhallus · 30/12/2023 10:37

We’ve had some great holidays but only when there is some sort of childcare - kids clubs or crèche etc

I wouldn’t go on holiday with a non sleeping toddler tbh. You’ll be awake half the night in a house not yours, trying to keep them quiet, not having your own stuff etc etc. You also can’t really relax during the day with them at that age, so no snoozing on a sun lounger.

look at somewhere like ikos which would doable, otherwise I’m with your husband on this one

FairytaleOfKent · 30/12/2023 10:37

I would save the money and go on a bigger or multiple holidays in a year or two when the DC are older and you can all enjoy it. That's just me though. Perhaps you could look at taking the Eurostar to Paris for a minibreak as a compromise?

SecondUsername4me · 30/12/2023 10:37

Tell him you agree, so have booked yourself 2 nights in the sun and will be gone fri to sun and he can stay home with the dc.

Singleandproud · 30/12/2023 10:38

Personally I didn't do any hot abroad holidays until (red-head) DD was 8 or so and would reliably wear sun cream, keep a hat on, could swim and independent enough not to need running around after and constant close supervision. Royal Sun Resort in Tenerife is a small venue and self contained so might be a good option as all rooms have a kitchenett as standard as well as restaurants so easier with a family with large rooms and massive balconies.

We did lots of city breaks rather than camping, we would spend a week at a Premier Inn (autistic DD likes Premier Inns as they are always the same and she knows what to expect) in London and book upto 8 West end shows during Kids Week and fit in some other touristy bits was always a big hit and as a teen she still loves theatre and it's a big shared interest. With the toddler it's trickier though.

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/12/2023 10:39

Go on your own and leave him alone with the toddler.

Ohmylovejune · 30/12/2023 10:41

Would anyone look after them for a short break or week away? We went to Madeira when ours were 2 and 4 and my parents cane to stay and looked after them.

Sirzy · 30/12/2023 10:44

I don’t think either of you are wrong.

i have always valued holidays but when you have little children then it is tough and you need to have very different expectations. Poor sleep at home can easily end as no sleep away.

i would stick to small breaks for now and wait a few years for the big holiday personally!

NextPrimeMinister · 30/12/2023 10:44

I just popped on to say an abroad holiday with a toddler is unlikely to be 'amazing', as it's the same shit, somewhere different.

However, it will be warm, sunny, with lots of interaction and variety. If you go AI you will get a break from cooking and cleaning which you don't get on a UK self catering break.

I'm team 'book it'.

Been away with ours since they were 18 months old and always managed to have a great time. We've holidayed once in the UK, and would rather save the money and stay home.

coffeandrteav · 30/12/2023 10:44

Reached the same conclusion with a 15 year old who would rather be out with mates and hates the sun also ASD.

May take a friend but its the cost.

MissJoGrant · 30/12/2023 10:45

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/12/2023 10:39

Go on your own and leave him alone with the toddler.

🙄

dothehokeycokey · 30/12/2023 10:50

We had the holiday from hell when our youngest was 18 months old and a non sleeper

If I could have got flights back after two days I really would have

They didn't sit to eat so we spent more time chasing them round restaurants than enjoying the food,they didn't want to stay in their buggy whenever we went anywhere so that was a ball ache and they were hot sweaty and annoyed most of the time.

The beach is a great idea until they're covered in sand and eating it and then all hell breaks loose WineGrin

Debtfreegoals · 30/12/2023 10:51

Why don’t you put the funds away for 2025? I know it seems ages away but holidays with 2 year olds are hell when abroad especially if they’re not sleeping well.

NeverDropYourMooncup · 30/12/2023 10:51

You've got a very good chance of a toddler not sleeping and an older child not sleeping. Add in the possibility of neither liking the beach or pool (or the younger one liking it so much, you spend your time sprinting after them to stop them plummeting head first into the sea/deep end) and waiting until there is relatively reliable sleeping sounds far more appealing.

Toomuch44 · 30/12/2023 10:54

Could there be a compromise on this, ie you review things this time next year and if sleeping is better, you look at something abroad then. It's a lot of money to pay out if you can enjoy the whole thing.

JMSA · 30/12/2023 10:55

YANBU.

TrashedSofa · 30/12/2023 10:57

I can see his point, tbh...

PixiePirate · 30/12/2023 10:57

Tbh I can see this from both points of view (helpful 😬). Having followed pretty much your own experiences and thought processes ourselves when the kids were younger, I’m not sure I’d bother going on a traditional package holiday until the youngest is a bit older. We experienced the same challenges as at home, just in a hotter climate with more irritable children. We found it just brought further disappointment at the wasted facilities and sights, and increased expense.

After a couple of disastrous package holidays we started going on Eurocamp holidays in Northern France, Belgium and Holland. It was a good compromise for us as we could take our own car (full of useful stuff for the kids), the accommodation and sites were set up for families, and it was significantly cheaper than flying to Spain and staying in a hotel. There’s one near Disneyland Paris that’s really nice and several that I’d recommend in The Netherlands.

PrueRamsay · 30/12/2023 10:57

Could you go with a friend or family member instead if he doesn’t want to go?

SutWytTi · 30/12/2023 10:59

I selected YABU because I think it is unfair of you to call him miserable when I think he has reasonable and understandable reasons for not wanting a holiday this year. I felt you were being quite judgemental of your DH for holding a different view.

Holidays are marketed as the solution to tiredness/boredom/burnout but for many people they take away more energy than they give back.

There is nothing inherently better about being a person who goes on holiday vs. being a person who is happy at home.

I have sometimes travelled and sometimes not travelled. I do not 'holiday' when I need a rest, I travel when I have a desire to see something. So if your DH is tired, I empathise with not wanting a 'holiday' to use up the last bit of battery life.

Scarletttulips · 30/12/2023 11:02

Having missed several chances of holidays over the years - I made a decision to take the children by myself and had a great time!!
I now go with friends.

If they don’t want to go - go or alone or as PP said take the older one and leave the toddler to DH.

Dont regret the things you don’t do.

TrashedSofa · 30/12/2023 11:02

How does your 8 year old cope with holidays in the UK, and does she sleep?

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