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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH doesn't want to go on holiday....at all

115 replies

MooMaa83 · 30/12/2023 10:28

I know we're in a privileged position for being able to afford a holiday...We have an 8 year old and a 2 year old and for the last 10 years have had either no holiday or shit UK holidays which have been a complete washout in grotty air b n b's or camping. This year we are fortunate to have the funds to go abroad. I'd love to go away for a week of guaranteed sunshine and let the kids enjoy the pool/beach.

Our 2 year old has been an awful sleeper from day one, and we're both exhausted with managing that, plus our older daughter has ASD and with work etc things have been very stressful.

I mentioned a holiday abroad a couple of times before Christmas, met with unenthusiastic response from DH. I started looking seriously at deals the last couple of days and DH has said he doesn't want to go anywhere this year, that it will be too difficult with the kids and especially with the toddler not sleeping well. He was so negative about it, it's like he's turned into a boring grumpy old man and he's only 43! I feel like with how hard things have been and our lack of holidays that it's even more reason to go. The toddler's sleep is rubbish anyway, so we may as well be on the beach rather than moping around the house!

I just feel really disappointed that he's being so miserable and negative about it. But AIBU, is flying abroad with a non sleeping toddler and 8 year old too much? I was only thinking of short haul flight to Spain!

YABU- holiday is too hard/stressful in the circumstances
YANBU- he's being a grumpy sod, a holiday would be amazing!

OP posts:
5128gap · 30/12/2023 11:44

I'd also say, the fact that your UK holidays have been rubbish doesn't bode well either. Sunshine and location are only part if it. What makes or breaks a holiday are the moods and interactions of the people present and if you've not managed to enjoy a holiday yet, I don't think going abroad for the next one will be the game changer.

wronginalltherightways · 30/12/2023 11:44

Take your 8 year old somewhere for a break and leave him home with the 2 year old.

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 30/12/2023 11:45

Children dont just sit at the beach and take in the view. A holiday with those ages will be full-on. I wouldnt worry about the sleep though. With the heat and constantly being on the go, they might sleep better. Mine at that age slept in a pram most of the evenings on holiday. And he was excited by everything.

I know we're in a privileged position for being able to afford a holiday.
But what an absolute mess we are in as a country when people feel the need to state how privileged it is to go on holiday. How privileged to not be living hand-to-mouth each month. We are now a low wage country. Our standard of living is dropping. We should be appalled people cannot afford a holiday in this day and age, not consider it a privilege.

Babyblackbear78 · 30/12/2023 11:46

I’m with your DH on this one sorry!

WeeHaggisFace · 30/12/2023 11:48

What about a long weekend as a trial?

SusanKennedyshouldLTB · 30/12/2023 11:51

a beach holiday probably wont be the rest you imagine it will. one of our best with small children was center parcs in europe. Eindhoven Kempervennen in particular. Lots to do.

you might need to reframe what type of holiday you are doing to make it successful. And take a pram.

WeeHaggisFace · 30/12/2023 11:51

Personally I love our holidays and they are something we all look forward to. I've always found the kids sleep better because the outdoor lifestyle tires them out more than at home to be honest. Your husband might be surprised equally it might be a disaster so maybe a short break as a compromise to trial it might be an idea? Or would you go solo with the kids?

EnglishGirlApproximately · 30/12/2023 11:57

I have some sympathy with his position tbh
My 11 year old still doesn't bloody sleep and I've also decided I don't want to travel in the near future as every holiday is less enjoyable than it should be as we're all knackered. I love to travel and when DS has gone through good sleeping phases we've had wonderful trips, but when sleep is an issue it's honestly miserable. We went on a long planned trip to one of my bucket list destinations this year (booked during a good period), and I felt like the money was largely wasted tbh and I didn't enjoy it much .

margotrose · 30/12/2023 11:59

I agree with your DH.

Taking a toddler that doesn't sleep on a plane to a hot country is my idea of hell, to be honest. I also think your idea of being on the beach instead of at home is a bit of a pipe dream imo, sorry!

Fullofxmascbeer · 30/12/2023 12:06

We did lots of eurocamp / center parcs Europe, style holidays at that age. Separate bedrooms. Lots of entertainment specifically for little kids, outdoor environments to tire them out. Driving means you can take more to make things easier for yourselves. Take it in turns to be in charge of the kids/relax.

A standard beach/ sea holiday in one room would be exhausting and would never match your expectations of a relaxing holiday,

rwalker · 30/12/2023 12:07

I think we look at holidays abroad with rose tinted glasses
sun and fun in the pool and beach

the reality is over tried out of routine kids in noisy hotels struggling to sleep
the day of travel is a nightmare que at airport who would want to be in a 2 hour queue with a 2 year old
we had a few at work this year went abroad for a week weather was shit
permanently watching kids for 6 hours round isn’t relaxing

then you get home and think could I have spent that money on something better

go on your own with a friend

the only abroad option I would possibly consider would be a private villa with hire car
but your still on the treadmill of cooking and cleaning

AhBiscuits · 30/12/2023 12:10

Open swimming pools around the place with a 2 year old is an absolute nightmare. You can't take your eyes off them for even a minute. My two can swim now, but you still can't really let your guard down.

DonnaBanana · 30/12/2023 12:17

YABU for not considering UK holidays to be proper holidays. Why not go on a shorter break everyone will enjoy? Like a few days staying at Alton Towers in a nice room or something. A few days of fun can beat two weeks flying and beaching if you prefer it

SleepingStandingUp · 30/12/2023 12:23

Surely the compromise is a decent holiday on the UK?

We've stopped in some lovely Airbnb places with the kids and without. I have two weekends away with friends next year in 3 bed airbnbs I'd happily relocate to forever.

These days with kids we go Walking distance to the beach, if it's not 26° out you just dress appropriately. Somewhere that has a local soft play, arcade, museum etc.

Ablondiebutagoody · 30/12/2023 12:23

How bad can it be? I would go for something like Tenerife at Easter. Used to do that all the time alone with mine from about 3 years old. Admittedly, the first time I was nervous that it would feel like a chore rather than a holiday but it was amazing. Still one of the best holidays I've ever had.

Half board (so no chores) in a hotel with a pool and the beach a few minutes walk away. We repeated that exact holiday a couple more times until I put my foot down and told him that we need to be more adventurous!

girlfriend44 · 30/12/2023 12:29

Just because he dosent want to go, why should his decision trump yours?

You want to go. You need a break, its not all about the kids.

It also might not be too bad, people always fear the worst.

Mrsjayy · 30/12/2023 12:33

why would you waste money to take a toddler abroad when they dont sleep probably not eat that great either. save the money.

caringcarer · 30/12/2023 12:36

PrueRamsay · 30/12/2023 10:57

Could you go with a friend or family member instead if he doesn’t want to go?

A week away with a friend or family member and DH looks after kids then you home and he gets to go away for a week somewhere with his mates. Or you take kids somewhere with AI and a kids club/crèche. You'd get a break from house chores and if you're up in the night with a toddler you can snooze in the day whilst they are at loo IDs club/crèche.

TempName247 · 30/12/2023 12:37

We didn’t go abroad with toddlers, my idea of hell, constant supervision, no safe space for them to play on their own so there is no sitting down to relax, read or sunbathe. They don’t sit nicely for meals. It’s just a lot of hard work. Can’t you go on your own with a friend for a few days?

Jingleballs2 · 30/12/2023 12:38

Oh I would go! You're not going to sleep at home anyway, and the new environment might tire them out!

Aydel · 30/12/2023 12:39

We had the two year old that wouldn’t sleep. She slept much better on holiday - we were out all day every day, made her walk everywhere, playing on the beach, swimming in the sea. Being outside and active made her more tired and she did sleep better. Obviously it wasn’t perfect but it was a lot better.

minipie · 30/12/2023 12:49

Goodness these answers! I had two terrible sleepers and we still really enjoyed holidays.

Admittedly we did seek out places with good kids clubs, food provided (buffet best for toddlers), basically everything done for you. Also shelled out for a separate sleeping area for older child so they didn’t wake each other up. Would not have done self catering - at least not without grandparents to help out or ability to get food delivered or something.

HamSandwichKiller · 30/12/2023 12:49

I wouldn't risk a non-sleeping toddler in a hotel room either. Eurocamp type or Centre Parcs EU will give you more space. Honestly I'd go for a better UK break this year even if it's Haven/Butlins as that should give enough options for entertainment across those ages. Hopefully the toddler sleep woes will be a thing of the past by 2025.

SoIRejoined · 30/12/2023 12:50

We used to have the same debate but we pushed on through and kept having holidays. You basically need to accept that it is nothing like holidaying pre kids. But it can still be fun, we have lots of nice memories and photos, and we try to forget all the dreadful bits.

My tips would be:
Don't go somewhere mega hot and avoid the beach, it's too difficult with a toddler.
Consider going in the car to get France rather than a plane as you can take a lot more stuff including food your toddler will eat.
Make sure there is a restaurant or take away option near by so that you can skip cooking but also have a kitchen so you can cook for yourselves
Agree a schedule whereby one of you gets up in the night and has a lie in while the other gets up early.
Whatever you do, don't stay in a hotel where your toddler is going to wake up other guests.
For us the ideal holiday was a cabin on a campsite in France with a toddler friendly pool, restaurant, take away, play park etc all really nearby.

Original poster
MooMaa83 · 30/12/2023 12:55

Thanks for the replies all...food for thought. I'm still in two minds, but I also can see he has a point, and if he doesn't want to go I think he won't be in the right frame of mind and it may make it miserable. I'm generally the more positive, impulsive and gun ho one in our relationship (not always a good thing!). He is more negative, but also more realistic!

I think the suggestion of me taking my 8 year old away for a short break and him staying home with the toddler may work well. Any suggestions of 3 night beach breaks would be gratefully received?! The perhaps we'll re evaluate in 2025. We could do some day trips as a family, and I can suggest DH has a weekend away with friends so he has some time.

Those suggesting a UK break- I've been so put off by the horrible weather we've had. The air bnb's we've booked have had good reviews etc and not been cheap- but grotty and disappointing when we've arrived.

OP posts:
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