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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH doesn't want to go on holiday....at all

115 replies

MooMaa83 · 30/12/2023 10:28

I know we're in a privileged position for being able to afford a holiday...We have an 8 year old and a 2 year old and for the last 10 years have had either no holiday or shit UK holidays which have been a complete washout in grotty air b n b's or camping. This year we are fortunate to have the funds to go abroad. I'd love to go away for a week of guaranteed sunshine and let the kids enjoy the pool/beach.

Our 2 year old has been an awful sleeper from day one, and we're both exhausted with managing that, plus our older daughter has ASD and with work etc things have been very stressful.

I mentioned a holiday abroad a couple of times before Christmas, met with unenthusiastic response from DH. I started looking seriously at deals the last couple of days and DH has said he doesn't want to go anywhere this year, that it will be too difficult with the kids and especially with the toddler not sleeping well. He was so negative about it, it's like he's turned into a boring grumpy old man and he's only 43! I feel like with how hard things have been and our lack of holidays that it's even more reason to go. The toddler's sleep is rubbish anyway, so we may as well be on the beach rather than moping around the house!

I just feel really disappointed that he's being so miserable and negative about it. But AIBU, is flying abroad with a non sleeping toddler and 8 year old too much? I was only thinking of short haul flight to Spain!

YABU- holiday is too hard/stressful in the circumstances
YANBU- he's being a grumpy sod, a holiday would be amazing!

OP posts:
HungryandIknowit · 30/12/2023 13:00

YANBU. You won't know until you try it. If it's a disappointment you'll know to wait another couple of years until the next one.

HamSandwichKiller · 30/12/2023 13:05

@MooMaa83 forget Airbnb accommodation. Haven, Butlins, ParkDean will have kid entertainment on. You can join in if you want to but at least the option is there not to have to cook every night or look for stuff to do. Nothing wrong with a kiddy disco if it buys you 20 minutes of peace. Plus there will be a pool on site etc

UsingChangeofName · 30/12/2023 13:09

Another who is with your dh, here.

Flying, to a hot place, with a non-sleeping 2 yr old and an 8 yr old with Autism sounds like the very opposite of relaxing.
I am a big fan of getting away, and would book a cottage somewhere in the UK.

TheTigerWhoCameToEatMyHusband · 30/12/2023 13:11

No sleep at home or no sleep abroad... doesn't make much difference really does it. I know I'd pick the sunshine all day long.

successismyonlymotherfuckingoptionfailuresnot · 30/12/2023 13:16

The responses here mirror you and your DH's differing opinions and neither of you is wrong to have your view.

However your DH is being unreasonable. You should take it in turns each year to have the casting vote. You did it the way he wanted for several years now, he needs to flex this year and do what you want to do.

Go AI - no cooking, no cleaning up, and usually there is food available pretty much all day long!

Lots of places have a two room apartment - so you don't have to sit in the dark in silence if one of the kids is napping

ApolloandDaphne · 30/12/2023 13:30

At that age we did low expectations Eurocamp/caravan type holidays in Europe. Loads of other kids and plenty of space for running about. Lots of child appropriate activities. We had a lot of fun.

Sunflower8848 · 30/12/2023 13:45

Go without him! I took my two kids (4 and 6 years at the time) to Spain by myself, it was great.

hellsBells246 · 30/12/2023 13:51

In with your h. Leave the abroad holidays until the Dc are older. Go for something that will be relaxing for you all - maybe a luxury holiday cottage in the UK? That's what we did.

KentishMama · 30/12/2023 14:07

Book the holiday. At least you'll have a bunch of new impressions and some sunshine to take the edge off the relentlessness that is parenting a non-sleeping child!

I would highly recommend booking somewhere with a really good kids club so that DH and you can have a few hours to yourselves on a few days. Even just a few hours mean you can have a leisurely coffee together without interruptions - or lunch for just the two of you. That can make all the difference :)

Squeaky2023 · 30/12/2023 14:09

Would family babysit the children while you and DH have a 4 night mini break somewhere nice?

Sususudio · 30/12/2023 14:11

I'd go without him, frankly. He sounds terribly negative. I don't agree that holidays with small DC are not worth it, or too difficult to do at all.

dressedforcomfort · 30/12/2023 14:47

I reckon it can be done but it takes research. Eg accommodation big enough that toddler doesn't disturb others. Manageable flights - eg 2 hours tops, reasonable departure times, local airport and short transfer. Plenty of chill out time for ASD daughter and ensuring her specific needs are catered for.

We've taken our son with ASD abroad and managed to make it work. It's about finding the exact set up that works for your family.

JazbayGrapes · 30/12/2023 14:49

What about a family friendly cruise instead?

phoenixrosehere · 30/12/2023 15:07

We went to several countries in Europe before DS1 was diagnosed with Autism at 5/6 and went to two beach holidays and more European ones after. The only issue for DS1 was the plane lift offs and take offs on the flights and the last flight with ear defenders, he was absolutely fine, no issues.

It’s mainly about being prepared and doing your research. I book a stroller usually £30 a week and look about the area for how close the beach is and nearest markets. DS1 enjoyed being in the pool and going into the sea. DS2 enjoyed playing in the sand and with the toys we brought along.

HamBone · 30/12/2023 15:45

I think just you going away with your 8-year-old for a short break is a great idea. Toddlers often dislike change, our DD was OK, but DS was very unsettled in new places when he was small, would refuse to eat, cried a lot etc.

For us, five was the magic age. Once DS turned five, he understood that going somewhere different could be fun and he enjoyed it. So wait a couple of years and you’ll have a much better time!

Newchapterbeckons · 30/12/2023 15:57

We have had some amazing holidays overseas with babies and toddlers. We used tots too, which was fantastic for little ones. We had everything we needed plus registered childcare and used them for years. Amazing experience! Absolutely book it. You need a break!!

https://www.totstoo.com/

susiedaisy1912 · 30/12/2023 16:00

I tend to agree with others that I wouldn't bother trying to take a toddler abroad who doesn't sleep. It will just be the same daily grind but in an unfamiliar place. Not worth the money. We didn't go abroad until our youngest was 6 and had stopped throwing tantrums everyday if his routine was changed. Even then it was still hard work.

LizzyD78 · 30/12/2023 16:06

Lots of nice places near Barcelona for a short break…

enchantedsquirrelwood · 30/12/2023 16:06

I think your DH is right.

But if you do decide to go, don't go to Spain in August. It was ludicrously hot this year.

I'd wait until the 2 year old is 4.

Or try the Channel Islands for a long weekend or something, you can take the car. Or Ireland. The CI have nice weather and you could be lucky with Ireland too.

enchantedsquirrelwood · 30/12/2023 16:08

JazbayGrapes · 30/12/2023 14:49

What about a family friendly cruise instead?

That sounds like hell. Not just your own demanding kids but everyone else's as well - some of whom are probably really badly behaved.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 30/12/2023 16:13

We haven't been abroad with DTwins yet. They are 4.

They won't sleep properly in a new bed in a new place, and this means sleep deprived DH and I, with none of their home comforts and hot weather to make them cranky.

We're going on an amazing holiday as soon as we feel we'll all enjoy it. Until then, I'll just be pissed off that we wasted thousands to have a worse time than we would just taking the week off at home.

It's killing me not getting in the sun. Before DT I'd holiday 2-3 times a year. But I'd literally rather walk over hot coals than waste money on what we know will be a disaster right now.

Absolutely team DH. There's always next year.

Pifful · 30/12/2023 16:14

When we had two poor sleeping toddlers we took my parents on holiday with us. We had two apartments and they helped out sometimes by babysitting and sometimes by taking one or both DC out.
It was expensive (they couldn't have afforded it) but it did work well.
A week in Menorca in June, short flight, not too hot. You don't have all the stuff you have to do at home so while it's not the same as a couples holiday it can work. Also make sure you do shifts of watching the children so one rests while the other digs sandcastles.

Redburnett · 30/12/2023 16:18

Holidays are often more stressful than being at home, your DH is probably right.

JFDIYOLO · 30/12/2023 16:20

Airports and planes will be absolute hell for you all and whoever has to sit next to you.

Why not have a family friendly but less basic holiday in the UK?

Umtydumpy · 30/12/2023 16:22

I agree with your DH on this one. We persevered with family holidays when the dc were only young and also terrible sleepers, and more often than not we would get back home swearing blind we weren't going to bother again for a few years and saying what a waste of money it was. Then we'd stupidly decide to give things another chance the next year only to regret it again. It's easier now that they are all older in some ways, harder however in others, pleasing tweens isn't easy at any point in time. You need to find that sweet spot when they're old enough to appreciate and enjoy it but not too old to be hard to please! I'd give it another year or two tbh.

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