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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH doesn't want to go on holiday....at all

115 replies

MooMaa83 · 30/12/2023 10:28

I know we're in a privileged position for being able to afford a holiday...We have an 8 year old and a 2 year old and for the last 10 years have had either no holiday or shit UK holidays which have been a complete washout in grotty air b n b's or camping. This year we are fortunate to have the funds to go abroad. I'd love to go away for a week of guaranteed sunshine and let the kids enjoy the pool/beach.

Our 2 year old has been an awful sleeper from day one, and we're both exhausted with managing that, plus our older daughter has ASD and with work etc things have been very stressful.

I mentioned a holiday abroad a couple of times before Christmas, met with unenthusiastic response from DH. I started looking seriously at deals the last couple of days and DH has said he doesn't want to go anywhere this year, that it will be too difficult with the kids and especially with the toddler not sleeping well. He was so negative about it, it's like he's turned into a boring grumpy old man and he's only 43! I feel like with how hard things have been and our lack of holidays that it's even more reason to go. The toddler's sleep is rubbish anyway, so we may as well be on the beach rather than moping around the house!

I just feel really disappointed that he's being so miserable and negative about it. But AIBU, is flying abroad with a non sleeping toddler and 8 year old too much? I was only thinking of short haul flight to Spain!

YABU- holiday is too hard/stressful in the circumstances
YANBU- he's being a grumpy sod, a holiday would be amazing!

OP posts:
LlynTegid · 30/12/2023 11:03

Depending on where you live, Eurostar to Paris and a connecting train will take you to sunny parts of France.

Thepeopleversuswork · 30/12/2023 11:04

Joking apart I can see that a foreign holiday with a toddler is a ballache and maybe a bit pointless.

As long as you think he's being practical and not turning into a professional Victor Meldrew, which seems to happen to so many men once they're married with children.

I would seriously consider taking turns to go away on your own though. Family holidays with tiny children are miserable. Everyone needs to get away from it all.

Torganer · 30/12/2023 11:04

We only have one child, but we’ve had some amazing holidays with them. They are just over 2 now, and I find dealing with tantrums etc much easier when I am away happy on holiday without the day to day routine.

We both work full time, so really appreciate being away either exploring cities or playing on the beach.

I would recommend an air B&B so you can have separate rooms and cooking space. Go out during the day and lunch out, then cook something light in the evening. They at least you can have the evenings to yourself and not creeping around a hotel room (that certainly wouldn’t be much of a holiday!).

Missingmybabysomuch · 30/12/2023 11:04

Holidays with non sleeping kids are miserable. It's just the same shit in a different place where you have less space, it's more hot, and less of your own stuff around for convenience. Plus youbhave the hassle of packing, travelling and unpacking. If they don't sleep it keeps everyone awake and with your older one having ASD there is every chance they may find the experience overwhelming rather than "amazing" too. I would save the money personally.

SutWytTi · 30/12/2023 11:05

I would seriously consider taking turns to go away on your own though. I agree with this.

Toddlers often bloody hate holidays anyway, they like home.

DNLove · 30/12/2023 11:05

I think with young kids the key is having space. My hell on earth is sharing a 1 bed apartment or family suite with 2 kids. One wakes and all are awake. Someone get up early, they wake everyone else.
Center Parcs have lots of European ones. You have 2 bed rooms, lots of space, can ferry over bring more home comforts, even familiar food for asd DD. The weather isn't too hot, pools are amazing, great playgrounds, play centers and extremely family friendly. Picnics on a boat on the lake. Family bikes to cycle around. My favourite is Villages Nature beside Disney, the play center has the cafe so you can sit with a glass of wine and some snacks and unwind while kids play. Even better you can get kids to bed and chill on the couch with a bottle of wine and a box set without disturbing anyone. Some have great jacuzzi baths, fill with bubbles to entertain kids for a bit.

hopeishere · 30/12/2023 11:07

Don't book a grotty Airbnb!! I will only book somewhere as nice if not nicer than my own home. Must have a pool as well!!

Stick in a hotel room trying to wrangle two unsettled kids would be hell. Maybe go for a week.

CharlotteRumpling · 30/12/2023 11:08

I am in the miserable sod camp here, but then I took my toddlers on holiday in Asia on a long haul flight. Spain is hardly exhausting.

Moveoverdarlin · 30/12/2023 11:08

I went to Majorca with my 2 year old a few years ago. To sum it up I would say ‘same shit as at home but unbearably hot.’ It wasn’t worth it.

LuckySantangelo35 · 30/12/2023 11:09

Just go on your own Op
kids or no kids I couldn’t stay in the uk year on year

CharlotteRumpling · 30/12/2023 11:10

Mine was a bad sleeper as well but I would rather not sleep on the beach than not sleep in the pissing rain.

AhBiscuits · 30/12/2023 11:10

My kids HATE the sun and being hot. UK holidays don't have to be grotty. If you've got more of a budget book a nicer one. We stayed in a lovely lodge near the beach, took the kids swimming every day, did some local day trips. We'll go abroad once they are more tolerant of not being their optimum temperature. Miserable children isn't a holiday for anyone.

2024BigWhoop · 30/12/2023 11:11

I’m with your husband.

A holiday abroad with young children is nothing but stress. It certainly isn’t a time of rest and relaxation.

Save your money and wait until your youngest is about 5.

Sundaefraise · 30/12/2023 11:15

MooMaa83 · 30/12/2023 10:28

I know we're in a privileged position for being able to afford a holiday...We have an 8 year old and a 2 year old and for the last 10 years have had either no holiday or shit UK holidays which have been a complete washout in grotty air b n b's or camping. This year we are fortunate to have the funds to go abroad. I'd love to go away for a week of guaranteed sunshine and let the kids enjoy the pool/beach.

Our 2 year old has been an awful sleeper from day one, and we're both exhausted with managing that, plus our older daughter has ASD and with work etc things have been very stressful.

I mentioned a holiday abroad a couple of times before Christmas, met with unenthusiastic response from DH. I started looking seriously at deals the last couple of days and DH has said he doesn't want to go anywhere this year, that it will be too difficult with the kids and especially with the toddler not sleeping well. He was so negative about it, it's like he's turned into a boring grumpy old man and he's only 43! I feel like with how hard things have been and our lack of holidays that it's even more reason to go. The toddler's sleep is rubbish anyway, so we may as well be on the beach rather than moping around the house!

I just feel really disappointed that he's being so miserable and negative about it. But AIBU, is flying abroad with a non sleeping toddler and 8 year old too much? I was only thinking of short haul flight to Spain!

YABU- holiday is too hard/stressful in the circumstances
YANBU- he's being a grumpy sod, a holiday would be amazing!

Honestly, I think I would feel the same. I have a child with asd, and holidays can be very tricky, throw a 2yo in the mix and it could be hell. However we have stayed in some lovely places in the UK and it been pretty relaxing and manageable.

Octavia64 · 30/12/2023 11:16

It might be good and it might not.

A long time ago we took our 2 year olds to Spain.

They hated the beach and wouldn't walk on or touch the sand.

They had to be constantly supervised around the pool as they couldn't swim and were fascinated by it.

One got an ear infection and screamed the whole sodding flight over there. We then had to engage with the Spanish health system (which is very good but you couldn't call it relaxing) and get antibiotics into
Him.

It might be good.. and it might really not.

We never took them anywhere hot again for several years.

EdgarsTale · 30/12/2023 11:17

It probably wouldn’t be much fun with a non sleeping child & an ASD child. I’d rather save for a holiday in a few years time or get someone to look after the DC while you have a nice relaxing holiday for two.

Alt1990 · 30/12/2023 11:21

Everyone is so negative on here!
Book a holiday, I'd rather be exhausted on a beach somewhere all-inclusive where I don't have to worry about cooking, doing washing or cleaning than at home exhausted and still doing all the house jobs.
You may even find after busy few days in the sun playing, swimming and joining in with the evening entertainment your little non-sleeper might actually surprise you and sleep.
Book all-inclusuve and if your husband doesn't want to go take your mum or a friend etc.

GreatGateauxsby · 30/12/2023 11:23

very honestly I would consider asking to go on holiday on my own
(their are amazing solo holidays out there - flashpack etc) and offering him the same.

WaltzingWaters · 30/12/2023 11:23

Do you possibly have someone who would look after your children so you and DH could have a few nights away? My partner and I have just been to Spain for 3 nights and left toddler with grandparents and it was lovely. I love to travel, but we’ve decided not to do much whilst toddler (and plan to have a second) are small and to wait until they’re bigger. I think it’ll just be stressful being around the pool the whole time whilst kids are tiny, and can’t do much in the evenings. I’d rather wait until they’re older and safe around water, able to join activities, able to stay up later than usual without being super cranky the next day etc.

Ohtobetwentytwo · 30/12/2023 11:23

How is he in life in general?

My view is that you may as well be tired in Spain as being tired at home. At least kids will be happy.

Is he the type to guilt you into doing more night stuff to try and earn him out of his grump? He sounds a bit like he will be grumpy wherever he is what did he think having a second child would be like? Is he putting his enjoyment on hold in general? Or does he still do stuff he likes, like the gyn, cycling, staying up on the playstation, and it's just stuff that you want to do that he grumps about.

Could you agree a staycation earlier in the year to rest up a bit? Like you both take the same week off and you do all childcare on mon/tues, you go out as a family wed/thurs and he does it all Friday/Saurday. Everyone gets 1:1 time and a break.

Twattergy · 30/12/2023 11:30

Agree with many others that a holiday with toddlers that dont sleep are hell. How's about a different approach to holidays for 2024? E.g. one adult only long weekend; one of you takes the older kid on a UK long weekend trip by train but stay in a nice hotel with pool. Each of you goes away on own somewhere? Ie divide and conquer?

Latewinter · 30/12/2023 11:33

I have an 8 year old and a non-sleeping one year old and fly all the time with them - I have to as we are posted overseas in a difficult place and we need breaks/ to see family. The flying is miserable but honestly short haul, once a year, just shouldn't be that hard. Your husband sounds like he has got into that mindset that everything is just too hard, survival mode. That will grind him right down if he lets it. I bet the sunshine would do him a world of good. He needs to break out of a rut or he'll only feel worse.

I have never got this idea that travel with kids is pointless/ too hard. My first was an absolutely atrocious sleeper, second is not much better, we always share one family hotel room and yes it's tiring but it's what they call type two fun. Difficult at the time sometimes but when you get home you feel soooooo much better for having done it. And I treasure the memories, long after I've forgotten how tiring it is. I've never done a resort, for short trips we usually do city breaks which are great if your kid will sleep in the buggy - Naples when DS1 was 2 was a great highlight - but surely at a resort you can take it in turns to be with the kids and each have some time by the pool or whatever, as it's easy to bob up and down to your room? Take a tablet for the older one and lower your parenting standards a bit for a week Grin

tenbob · 30/12/2023 11:39

ShirleyPhallus · 30/12/2023 10:37

We’ve had some great holidays but only when there is some sort of childcare - kids clubs or crèche etc

I wouldn’t go on holiday with a non sleeping toddler tbh. You’ll be awake half the night in a house not yours, trying to keep them quiet, not having your own stuff etc etc. You also can’t really relax during the day with them at that age, so no snoozing on a sun lounger.

look at somewhere like ikos which would doable, otherwise I’m with your husband on this one

It was an Ikos holiday that our toddler wrecked..!

even with their kids club and relatively sound proofed rooms, it was markedly harder to deal with the nights than at home, not least because of the lack of our stuff, snacks etc not readily available and there not being anywhere to escape to early in the morning.

TrashedSofa · 30/12/2023 11:40

The issue is really whether the benefits would justify the expense. This matters a lot when OP says they've had no or cheaper sounding holidays for years, especially when just booking for 2025 instead of 2024 is likely to make the whole experience easier. Whereas if you travel a lot, spending a couple of grand on a gamble doesn't matter as much.

5128gap · 30/12/2023 11:40

He's right tbf. The challenges you have with your DC are likely to be much harder to deal with on holiday than at home. It's easy to get seduced by the thought of them playing happily on the beach in the sunshine, when the reality is often hours of prep and lugging stuff about in the heat before a huge sandy tantrum means everyone traipsing back in the heat in a bad mood.
While you might get lucky and no one gets over heated, over stimulated or over tired, enjoys the food and isn't fazed by the change in routine, it's an expensive gamble, that's only really feasible if you're both invested in taking it and making the best of it. Personally I'd not dream of adding a moaning reluctant partner to the mix so I'd either go with a friend or family member or save my money.

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