Husband GOT UP

[BlackWhiteWhatNow]

I WFH in a highly creative role. I find it impossible to work during holidays / weekends when people are hanging around the house randomly chatting to me when I'm attempting to concentrate (locking self in bedroom seems to be no barrier to kids/husband banging on door and requesting snacks etc. Sometimes they text me to ask stupid questions like where is the milk etc).

Husband reliably sleeps in when he doesn't need to get up for something, he works in construction and is off this week.

I creep downstairs this morning for a couple of hours of peace / work and husband immediately pops up, yawning, asking for cup of tea. AIBU to demand of him why the hell he hasn't stayed in the bloody bedroom? He has NOTHING ON today. He is currently sitting there, slurping tea, breathing very loudly, preventing me from concentrating.

Go on then, flame me (it's his house too, etc etc, blah blah) but jeez I've had to put up with so many people in my face and space this week I might kill him

No I don't have an office

Yes the bedroom is cold and it doesn't have tea or coffee making facilities

I think Christmas might have broken me.

Snap!!! I work from home as a creative, DP is a HGV driver so usually it’s just me and the cats and I can get my head down and concentrate. I find I get annoyed just by his presence when I’m trying to work and I can’t explain it because as soon as I log off I love having him around.

So whilst I really want to say YABU let the man enjoy his tea in peace, I know exactly how you feel and would be quietly raging inside too!

OP is stopping herself from working tho. I'm with the pp who pointed out that after WFH became this huge thing there was a whole slew of "i wish he'd go back to the office" followed by countless replies of "yeah, it's your home you should be able to relax" answers

Which also apply here. WFH when the others are there has been an issue up to now, that OP should have already nipped in the bud. Christmas is not a surprise to anyone, and i am assuming that the DH and DCs being off is also not a surprise (if it is: shared calendars are A Thing)

So for the sake of a few occasions where they are all home but OP still wants to work the café or quiet car park are a sensible solution.

But tbh if i were making a cup of tea (as i do often when i WFH) and my DH is there i never ever fail to offer to make him one too, and am going to assume that OP was initially grumpy at Unexpected DH in the Teaing Area and that's why that was included in the OP. (I am lucky in that since DCs moved out i have an actual office at home)

It’s time you stopped being the snack dispenser.

I agree with this one. Provision of a suitable workspace is a cost of work, whether that’s renting office space, or buying a house with a dedicated office room. Though I do to some extent feel your frustration.

I'd also like to add that since my DH retired he does respect my office space (and did when he was off and i had to work at the dining table in the living room). He does all the shopping too which is a bonus.

I love 'Unexpected DH in the teaing area' thank you

Kids banging on the door (they are 12 and 14) no excuse really I do usually tell them I can't serve them at this time. I'm hoping the learning will happen soon

This is absolutely shocking. I genuinely thought you were talking about small children.

Why are your 'serving' them at all when you should be working? Mind you, if Mumsnetting passes as work, perhaps that's why they're not taking you seriously?

@BlackWhiteWhatNow

i think it's a bit of both. It can be quite difficult not to speak to someone who is sitting in the middle of a living space, so I think you need to make yourself less visible (using a bedroom) & if there's another space you can use, it's totally unreasonable to make living spaces unusable.

However, there's a lack of respect of you/your work if they don't even try to leave you alone.

Where were you sitting drinking your tea?

you need to appreciate that it's primarily their home, not a work space & he is your DH. Coukd you not have said good morning & asked him if he wanted a cup of tea (as you were making it for yourself anyway, chatted for a couple of minutes then asked him if he coukd take his tea into another space as you needed to get in with work now??

Your headline isn't really describing the issue is it? (I though your H had suffered from ED or something :))

Honestly, this is all within your control.

Your children aren't babies.
Your H sounds a prat.

All you need to do is to make it very clear - in a 'family conference' setting, all round the table- - without shouting and losing it in the moment, that you need space to work at home.

You've allowed your children and your H to behave like hopeless dependents so it's time to woman-up.

But at the same time, you are being unrealistic to expect family life to stop just because you need to work when you are in the same room as they are.

Some of the stuff you mention can be changed.

Your bedroom is cold? Get a heater or put the CH on.
Make a space for a small desk or a laptop stand.
Maybe invest in a home office in the garden if you are going to WFH long term.

how are you doing, OP? i totally get it is frustrating, but you can fix this - make it a new year's resolution!

Your family have no respect for you or your work. It's that simple OP.

Maybe some stark reminders to them all about what your loss of income would mean for them might help? Fewer holidays, not new clothes, no treats- whatever.

Presumably your income is needed for the family, and you're not working just for job satisfaction.

That's one side of it.

The other is it IS a family home. So it's not realistic to sit in the kitchen or wherever you are, expecting them to shut up and tiptoe around you.

You should try to find a longer term solution to your working space if it's always going to be from home. Saying the bedroom is cold is a bit of weak excuse, surely?

I think I would investigate creating some work space in the garden. U then separate work and home

Yes the bedroom is cold and it doesn't have tea or coffee making facilities

Oh come on. How hard is it buy cheap kettle and take a mug, tea, coffee and milk into the bedroom?

Usually it's because the man insists everyone is out of the way and quiet.

OP hasn't had that luxury yet. Kids and husband continuously interrupt her in person or by text, asking for stuff, asking where stuff is, showing her videos on the phone. So yes , she snapped over a silly thing and it looks like a massive overreaction. However, that is an accumulation of days of interruption and a family that consider their wants more important than her work.

Completely different situations.

Also, it's very telling that the kids overlook the functional,on holiday ,doing nothing adult in the house and they go bother their mum. Never mind the fact that that so called functional adult also bothers OP for nonsense.

BUT - normally, this particular DH, when off work for any reason whatsoever, confines himself to the bedroom, snoring like a walrus and keeping out of the way.

This new "activity" is unsettling. It's like when caribou begin an early migration, or there is an unprecedentedly large number of ladybirds swarming in English gardens . . . The balance of Nature is Upset. It is perturbing. Like a Harbinger of Doom.

Our lizard-brain is unnerved by it, and it seems to herald disaster . . . instinctively we prepare ourselves for The End of Times. We need time - usually several years of gritting our teeth - to adapt.

It's like Daphne Du Maurier's "The Birds".

(Also, they just get on your tits ).

well no - that's down to OP not having nipped the DCs requests in the bud. It seems that generally the DH isn't there and the niggle was only that he got up unexpectedly early.

OP has said herself that she is partly UR.

Asking you for snacks and tea is not OK

But expecting him to stay in the bedroom in his OWN house is unreasonable

This is why WFH is ridiculous if you don't have a dedicated area. You expect people to tip toe quietly round their own home because you're using it as an office

You are not unreasonable for being annoyed.

But you are unreasonable for allowing this to continue until you snap. It's not a one-off, it's presumably how your family treat you - as their servant.

You are also a little unreasonable for not trying to sort out a proper designated WFH space if you WFH presumably all the time not just over Xmas?

.... or unsafe around boiling water?

Without reading the thread, are you neurodiverse? This is the first thing that strikes me with how impacted your concentration is by relatively minor things.

Not a bad thing. And perfectly valid for you to be upset… but if you are neurodivergent then you are going to have to look at work arounds to let you work during holiday periods - quiet rooms in library or similar council spaces exist if you can’t afford or don’t have space to develop a separate workspace at home.

No-one needs tea and coffee making facilities in the same room anyway.

Op was in the process of making herself a cup of tea.

@Brefugee then you're not paying attention. The husband is just as much of an issue as the kids.

locking self in bedroom seems to be no barrier to kids/husband banging on door and requesting snacks etc. Sometimes they text me to ask stupid questions like where is the milk etc

You're right. Imagine if I turned up at his construction job when he was laying a patio or something and started randomly showing him youtube videos

So his unexpected presence when he normally sleeps in and she had made plans to work came on top of all that. Hence the overreaction.

Ugh when they breathe and sniff, it's the worst