Narcissistic in laws

[montanaramirez]

Recently gone no contact with toxic in laws after one too many of their issues and incidents caused. DH and I came to the agreement together after countless things had happened and mounted up. It wasn't one final thing to pin it on. The relationship and their toxic ways were exacerbated by the birth of our child and after discussing it agreed it was best for our family to go no contact. We had previously been little contact and trying to be 'grey rock' after reading on how to deal with them. The birth of our child made us interesting again and they wanted in. I was civil and included them where it was proper to do so but even then MIL had to cause major issues time and time again. DH had enough of the upset caused and saw how damaging it was to us.

Interestingly, after being told that we didn't want contact, they've not responded in any way. Im not sure if this is typical of a narc to lay low after being told to get lost?? I wasn't expecting it, although pleased.

However, we've been informed they have intentions to resolve it in coming weeks. I don't really understand why delay if they had these intentions or why bother at all... I think it boils down to access to DC. They've been doing a lot of crying to people for pity to gather some support/sympathy. Im unsure whether they will follow through or are talking the talk to play victims.

Im looking for some advice from anyone with experience or knowledge of dealing with narcissists and to how to deal with them trying to break the no contact. We've no intent of resuming contact. It's not healthy for us or DC.

Narcissistic is the most commonly used phrase on here. It’s very unlikely they are.

People can be unpleasant and even selfish without being narcissistic. Narcissists can also be lovely and many people often think they are lovely people.

They are not pleasant people. You went no contact. They didn’t respond. Who wants to spend Christmas trying to resolve this sort of thing?

You are getting updates via other people from them. Not shutting people down if they being talking about them.

If they get in touch you simply don’t engage and your Dh will deal with it.

If you are throwing the word narcissist around maybe look at your own behaviour? So far they have respected the no contact but are spending time listening to updates about them, bother d that they haven’t tried to resolve it when you think they should, and preparing for a drama that may never come.

I am not saying you are a narcissist. I very much doubt they both are. 2 narcissists together is very unusual. But you are the one still giving brain space to this, wanting to discuss them and so on.

Is any of that actually making life easier?

Sorry @Catza my father would never put himself in a position where someone who mattered, had the credentials would see him when he is working someone, or at any other time. He eschews the medical profession - which meant his heart issues and Parkinson's were left a very long time prior to diagnosis. Though that is now being used to castigate the medical profession and garner the kind of sympathy that brings favours and cash.

As with many pysch issues narcissists come on a spectrum and many, those who manipulate others without edging into criminality or physical violence go undiagnosed.

Sometimes a thing just us what it appears to be.

Be prepared. They'll either threaten you with court over access to your dc or they'll feign an illness/emergency.

Sort out beforehand what you plan to do.

Yep. Most likely this is the lull before the storm. Then they most likely will do 1 or 2 or even both. They aren’t going to take this lying down

Snide, nasty and passive aggressive. Wow