AIBU to start an official inquiry into a missing biscuit

[Mañanarama]

Ok. Long and lighthearted (ish) story short. I was given some beautiful hand made biscuits this Christmas. Only five of them, beautifully wrapped, especially for me. Put in my xmas treat bag (we have a bag each) in the living room.

Some fucker has eaten one.

Order of suspicion:

1. Daughter, because I know she loves them, and she has previous for theft (of treats). But, she’s an appalling liar.
2. Husband, he likes them but he’s not likely to be stupid enough to eat one because he understands the specialness.
3. Son. Greedy teenager prone to minor fibs, but he wouldn’t like these and is suspicious about trying new things.
4. The cat. Has never ever stolen human food. Would not think to clear crumbs up or conceal evidence.

They all flat deny it.
I’m annoyed.
Not because of the biscuit but because of the lie.

AIBU to call the rozzers remove some of their treats until the culprit confesses?

This is by far my favourite thread of 2023 👏👏👏

Poor cats 😂

Oh no..

I've got a Lindt Santa that I was going to fill with Baileys and cream. Not sure I can face it now 🤢

There was a window of time when they were all home after 5 yesterday. This must have been when they collectively carried out the careful plan ( a la Orient Express). One of them (the cat?) distracted you, another extracted it from the bag, and they all repaired to the attic, so you would not hear their evil crunching, and together demolished the poor biscuit. Then your daughter made your DH eat the wrapper, for the common good.

🤣 round of applause for you OP.

It most definitely is your finest hour 🫡

Ooh fill it with Bailey’s you say? Well obviously the Santa thing is ruined now, but I did see a chocolate kangaroo somewhere..

Morning all. I’ve just bitten the ears off both their Lindt bunnies and put them back in the bags. Not my finest hour, says husband. Cat looked as impressed as a cat can. Vengeance shall be mine
Perfect genius

Unless it's chicken flavour probably not.

This thread is amazing 🤣

For those blaming the cat. I yesterday found a set of keys down the back of the sofa, 8 months after we lost them. We had to change the locks (not through excess of caution, but because due to previous losses this was the only back door key left). We blamed the dog (he did have form for burying sets of keys) and he died before we found them. How bad do we feel? But, OP, I feel your pain - this sort of thing is insanity-inducing.

I messaged the maker who confirmed there were five, but said she’ll make me some more after new year. Hooray. Win win for me…

Now I suspect this has all been an elaborate ruse to obtain more sympathy-based biscuits.

Looking forward to a new thread soon - AIBU to think my friend is just a CF and not a genuine victim of theft?

AraJingleBellScott · Today 10:35

<swiftly stops googling Santa penis>

It's too late, your internet provider has all the details and your computer has thousands of little files associated with searches, deleting your search history won't help.

Your only hope is to pack a bag and leg it to Marrakech pronto!

Firstly turn of the wi fi, then check bins. Most likely is you have some borrowers. Have you checked all floorboards and skirting. You have little people. Or check the foot print of the hose vs the rooms you have. You may have a secret room with someone sneaking out for treats

House not hose 😬

Absolutely the best thread of the year.

Need an update OP!

Ok, I’ve not mentioned biscuit-gate to the kids this morning because I am being dead casual and breezy while internally plotting my next move. The eating of the reind-ears is the long game, as I feel they’ll eat their “lesser” treats first.

Daughter is in an odd mood today, I do not feel it is guilt but perhaps it is. She’s a bit pale and snotty (crying? covid retribution? allergy to fibbing?). Son is as blasé about life as ever. Cat is not forthcoming about what he has or hasn’t witnessed. Husband has more important things to think about, allegedly.

I’m on my own here, apart from you lot aka the FBI (Federal Biscuit Investigators) so we must bide our time now.

@Mañanarama we need to see some pics of the biscuits that are left to assist you properly and also a picture of the cat. did you weigh him? did you check his litter tray?

I get a feeling you are not taking this seriously enough....

If I remember correctly the cat tried to frame said child by writing his name!

I don’t believe this. Cats are always innocent. Like little saints they are.

Yes we need to see a pic of the cat.

Current cat sitch, I’m sure you’ll agree he’s the epitome of innocence and loveliness:

Oh god he is! And looks just like my boy who I had to have put to sleep Christmas Eve 😔
Sorry to bring it down, as you were - getting to the bottom of the stolen biscuit mystery which I could not be more here for.

Oh no he's definitely not the biscuit thief. 🐱❤💕

So sorry @mooncloud1, I’d give away all my biscuits for you to have your cat back 💐