Not an AIBU but posting for traffic.
Hoping someone may have some advice/help that we have not considered.
I will try to keep this short but of course there is history, this situation hasn't just happened in a vacuum.
18yr old nephew with Asperger's has been a problem for a while, gradually getting worse. School was difficult for him and took along time for diagnosis, school weren't very supportive seemed to just want to get rid of him. DB and SIL tried several alternative provisions, none of which were successful. Since finishing school he hasn't been able to hold down a job, despite help with apprenticeships and college place etc. Last year events escalated, increasing drink and drug use. Arrested last Christmas in a club for drug possession (can't remember details but not charged). Supposed to have been offered support from Youth Offending Team but usual issue of waiting lists, lack of resources etc so never followed up.
Events have escalated again this Christmas. DB and SIL are divorced (several years ago) so nephew lives with her (but DB is local to them so has always been very involved). Part reason for their divorce was their different parenting styles; SIL is a softie, less boundaries, DB is the strict one. DB offered nephew to move in with him after last year's arrest but nephew refused (probably knew he wouldn't be able to get away with things like he can with his mum). SIL has been brilliant at trying to access support for him but nothing seems to come of it or he doesn't follow through. Anyway last week SIL called police on him after he started trashing his room (not the first time this has happened, apparently)- she felt threatened, although he wasn't directly lashing out at her, but understandably she feared for her safety. He was let go with a caution but SIL has refused to let him back home. DB has recently moved in with his partner, having him live with him is not an option. Nephew has been sofa surfing at various friends houses but obviously this is only a temporary solution. DB has been on to SS since Christmas Eve but again, due to Christmas holidays etc it's skeleton staff, no resources, told to wait until next Tuesday - for what, I don't know.
Both I and my parents have offered him a place for the night but he has refused. We all live over an hour away, we're not close (not from lack of trying, very involved grandparents and aunty since he was born but sadly not much of a relationship has ever developed, no understanding as to why, eg no family issues or fallings out). DB is heartbroken trying to work out how to help him but also angry that nephew isn't taking any responsibility for himself and nephew is blaming everyone else for everything. SIL is standing firm and not taking him back for the forseeable. We're all holding out hope for some magical intervention to happen on Tuesday from SS but realistically know that is unlikely. So does anyone know what SS can offer? I've said that nephew should fall into vulnerable adult category due to his Asperger's so would he be more a priority for being housed somewhere? None of us, or anyone we know has ever been in this situation before, we're not familiar with services and don't know what to ask for. Any advice from those in the know or have been through similar??