Help! Vulnerable 18yr old nephew homeless

[desperateaunty]

Not an AIBU but posting for traffic.

Hoping someone may have some advice/help that we have not considered.
I will try to keep this short but of course there is history, this situation hasn't just happened in a vacuum.
18yr old nephew with Asperger's has been a problem for a while, gradually getting worse. School was difficult for him and took along time for diagnosis, school weren't very supportive seemed to just want to get rid of him. DB and SIL tried several alternative provisions, none of which were successful. Since finishing school he hasn't been able to hold down a job, despite help with apprenticeships and college place etc. Last year events escalated, increasing drink and drug use. Arrested last Christmas in a club for drug possession (can't remember details but not charged). Supposed to have been offered support from Youth Offending Team but usual issue of waiting lists, lack of resources etc so never followed up.

Events have escalated again this Christmas. DB and SIL are divorced (several years ago) so nephew lives with her (but DB is local to them so has always been very involved). Part reason for their divorce was their different parenting styles; SIL is a softie, less boundaries, DB is the strict one. DB offered nephew to move in with him after last year's arrest but nephew refused (probably knew he wouldn't be able to get away with things like he can with his mum). SIL has been brilliant at trying to access support for him but nothing seems to come of it or he doesn't follow through. Anyway last week SIL called police on him after he started trashing his room (not the first time this has happened, apparently)- she felt threatened, although he wasn't directly lashing out at her, but understandably she feared for her safety. He was let go with a caution but SIL has refused to let him back home. DB has recently moved in with his partner, having him live with him is not an option. Nephew has been sofa surfing at various friends houses but obviously this is only a temporary solution. DB has been on to SS since Christmas Eve but again, due to Christmas holidays etc it's skeleton staff, no resources, told to wait until next Tuesday - for what, I don't know.

Both I and my parents have offered him a place for the night but he has refused. We all live over an hour away, we're not close (not from lack of trying, very involved grandparents and aunty since he was born but sadly not much of a relationship has ever developed, no understanding as to why, eg no family issues or fallings out). DB is heartbroken trying to work out how to help him but also angry that nephew isn't taking any responsibility for himself and nephew is blaming everyone else for everything. SIL is standing firm and not taking him back for the forseeable. We're all holding out hope for some magical intervention to happen on Tuesday from SS but realistically know that is unlikely. So does anyone know what SS can offer? I've said that nephew should fall into vulnerable adult category due to his Asperger's so would he be more a priority for being housed somewhere? None of us, or anyone we know has ever been in this situation before, we're not familiar with services and don't know what to ask for. Any advice from those in the know or have been through similar??

basically this advice

present himself as homeless on Tuesday morning at the appropriate council. Literally tell the council he has no where to sleep that night and going forward need emergency housing. This might be a hostel or a temporary studio place.

He will need to fill out all the forms for application for council housing, then most probably bid each week - it might be better if your DB does this with him and bids on properties each week. Your brother will have access to internet and if he has the passwords for the bidding system can ensure that his son is bidding each week. Many people in your dear nephews predicament don't actually bid each week for one reason and another and then don't get housed. Bidding each week is the important part

Aslo remember if he is in temporary housing, its likely that he will have to pay council tax - again make sure your brother is aware of this

you could get your brother today to start an application for UC as that is all done online, that would be one job sort of done before Tuesday

good luck with the system

I can see why your first instinct is to blame the dad for this, but to frame it differently- this is an 18 year old man, who has escalating issues with alcohol and drugs, who has made his own mother feel so physically threatened that she has called the police on him.

It may well not be an issue of having space, it could literally be a safety concern. I wouldn’t want him in my house either!

My friends son 19 is in assisted accommodation because he has similar needs

So worth looking into but not a quick solution

I wouldn’t want to house someone else’s 18 yr old male who had
already trashed a room, it could easily be a person next. I have sympathy and empathy but safety comes first. The father can’t throw his gf out of her home.

Not true, homeless hostels are full of alcoholics/drug addicts (many of whom have mh issues or nd conditions like autism). All they ask is that you dont use/drink on the premises.

A young man I know has been in this position for 15 years now. Rough sleeping, hostels. Early 30s now, the council does not entertain him, although his MH team says he needs independent, self-contained accommodation as his neurodiversity means he struggles to be around people. Men aren't considered 'vulnerable' in the same way as young women.

That's Wiltshire too.

If he's working, he wouldn't realistically be able to afford a hostel or temporary accommodation even if the council accepted a duty to house him (which doesnt sound likely from what you've said, you have to be particularly vulnerable to be accepted as priority for housing if you don't have dependent children - serious mental health issues, physical ailments that would be dangerous without accommodation eg diabetes and needing a fridge for insulin that sort of thing)

Hostels and temporary accommodation aren't free, the rent is unusually high to cover the cost of staffing/support . Costs can usually be covered by housing benefit if the person is eligible, if they're working then anything they earn over a small personal allowance would be required towards the rent, meaning that in practice he'd be paying out almost all his wages.

When I used to work in housing, any potentially homeless applicants we had who were working we would signpost to houseshares as they were always far cheaper than what they'd have to pay to be in a hostel, even the grimmest hostels are surprisingly expensive if not covered by housing benefit.

If your brother can't house him he should realistically be helping him with the deposit and rent upfront for a budget houseshare.

I agree

Why on earth isn't his df doing a bit more to help? Why is he expecting his friends parents to house him, and not stepping up himself?

This, the guy I know, doesn't want to be near addictions.

If he’s got options but would rather sofa surf, leave him to it. This is the outcome of DB being hands off and SIL being too passive for the past decade. If he’s holding himself together enough to have a job and friends, he’ll end up finding a house share.

If you re-read your post you might recognise the contradictions, 'DB is heartbroken', 'DB has recently moved in with his partner, having him live with him is not an option'. Your DB is not stepping up as a parent should in this crisis situation, and is looking for someone else to solve it.

the poor boy will get worse on drink and drugs if he’s on the street, you know.

he needs to apply for emergency accommodation or a cheap shared accommodation…but the ones he can afford will often be shared with drug users etc. not ideal.

its cruel that your brother didn’t make sure he had some sort of roof over his head before kicking him out.

So much of a safety concern that the father doesn’t want him in his home, but quite happy to leave this unsafe young man with his mother, or at friends houses, or trying to get him to go stay with his grandparents or aunt, with no concern for their safety?

As long as his own son is not in his house, god forbid.

Well your brother needs to get himself new living arrangements, one where his son can join him.

Large hotels/hospitality places can sometimes offer on-site accommodation. As he is new to his job this may not be an option but it's worth considering for the future.

That's unfair. His father offered to house him last year, he said no. His father can't insist he moves in with him.

This.
DB needs to prioritise his son.
I doubt SS are going to be interested in an 18 year old, he isn't a child.
If DB can't put him up because of his new relationship then he should be helping him source a bedsit, claim benefits to pay for it and helping pay for it if he can.

I don’t understand why he can’t live with his father. I understand why his mother had an issue, but your brother should be stepping up now. He’s 18.

@Tacotortoise is correct.

Because he’s 18 with an escalating problem with violence, drugs and alcohol. I wouldn’t let him in my home either.

Just to add re your question about what SS could offer - as others have mentioned, not much. If he's working and can manage daily tasks (phone calls, feeding himself, etc) then he's not likely to meet threshold for an adult social worker. Homelessness wouldn't be a factor particularly, they'd refer him on to housing. IF his ASD was felt to be a significant enough factor they may have links with supported accommodation providers - but these are usually to help vulnerable adults move on from living with parents who need support learning how to maintain routines, bills etc - usually for those with ASD plus a learning disability for example. Given he's turning down the offers of places to stay and finding friends to stay with, it sounds unlikely he'd go for supported accommodation, it usually comes with more rules than he would have at friends/family - they are a bit institutional still, even though they've generally improved (think rules about visitors, curfews, risk everything risk assessed, having to follow a support plan)

Sorry but your brother needs to step up, either to help him get a houseshare or to get a place with him if he needs to be parented for a few more years.

He is 18 and is currently holding down a job? Why is the parents or councils responsibility to house him? He could get a room in a shared house for c.£400 pm...

What is he doing to address his housing situation?

Then your brother needs to sort him out a rented room in a house which your nephew and his parent’s can pay between them,, and then have him back to live with him in 6 months. He has learning difficulties and still needs parenting.