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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Men using Mumsnet

384 replies

Moonshine5 · 28/12/2023 10:12

Mumsnet was always a safe space to me, a community of women for women and recently I have noticed an influx of husbands on here.
Can't women have anything just for themselves?I t's getting on my nerves!
(I'm not talking about same sex marriage / partners and I believe in equality).

AINBU Men please seek alternative forms 😊
AIBU Men belong here 🙄

OP posts:
TheChippendenSpook · 28/12/2023 11:57

Men being able to post is no different from having a section for child free people in my opinion. They could have a section for pencil sharpener enthusiasts for all I care.

As long as people are respectful of each other (and that's not the case at all these days) then everyone should be allowed to post.

Notimeforidiots69 · 28/12/2023 11:58

Thank you! I was just about to say that! I am child free, I asked Google a question a few years ago and was directed here. I've only recently joined up, as another question directed me here again! I may not have had children, but I have common sense and been around and looked after friends and families children since they were born... I've been the first port of call for advice when it comes to my nephew and he still comes to me now and he's 27! He calls me Mum No 2! (And no, his mum doesn't mind one bit!)
So it's sad to me that the person who commented this, has had bad experiences with the "childless"... And from what I've seen, MN is a public forum now and about other things than children... I've seen some really good advice given on MN and I value that... AIBU is a question that can be directed to anyone!

CommonSenze · 28/12/2023 11:58

@Neitheronethingnortheother

Absolutely spot on

Workway · 28/12/2023 11:59

Neitheronethingnortheother · 28/12/2023 11:23

You mean the thread where you also bitched at the parent who said being a carer was harder than being a parent because she didn't agree with you?

Sounds like what you want is forum for parents who only think like you, other parents need not apply

Show quote history

Nope. No idea what you're talking about.....Can you point me to what you're referring to?

My thread was 'things you thought were hard pre-kid' - many replies such as 'using the phone/going to the loo' etc. All very light hearted.

Don't recall any sort of bitching about being a carer. Please do show me though if I've forgotten something? I don't tend to launch attacks unless provoked so be interesting to see the context if I did indeed say something but I have no recollection of it. So I think you've confused me with someone else.

Neitheronethingnortheother · 28/12/2023 11:59

TheChippendenSpook · 28/12/2023 11:57

Men being able to post is no different from having a section for child free people in my opinion. They could have a section for pencil sharpener enthusiasts for all I care.

As long as people are respectful of each other (and that's not the case at all these days) then everyone should be allowed to post.

You joke but I once saw a pencil sharpener for over £100 where the website waxed lyrical about just how perfectly it sharpened a pencil

And for a moment I was tempted...

Pencil sharpener enthusiasts here I come 😂

Neitheronethingnortheother · 28/12/2023 12:00

Workway · 28/12/2023 11:59

Nope. No idea what you're talking about.....Can you point me to what you're referring to?

My thread was 'things you thought were hard pre-kid' - many replies such as 'using the phone/going to the loo' etc. All very light hearted.

Don't recall any sort of bitching about being a carer. Please do show me though if I've forgotten something? I don't tend to launch attacks unless provoked so be interesting to see the context if I did indeed say something but I have no recollection of it. So I think you've confused me with someone else.

Show quote history

Nope that was the exact thread I was referring to. Perhaps you tagged the wrong poster in your response then.

PeekABoo22 · 28/12/2023 12:00

Just to add to my previous post, I have absolutely no issue with child free people coming here and asking questions or commenting on things. There is defo a place for them here and sometimes their perspective is required. Where I draw the line is when child free people comment awful comments about children on threads.

orchiddottyback · 28/12/2023 12:01

StephanieSuperpowers · 28/12/2023 11:57

But a man helped someone fix a computer isn't the issue. The OP didn't state that sone men aren't nice, the problem is that they dominate everything and it would be quite nice if there was somewhere they weren't, sometimes.

The fact that there aren't equivalent forums made up mainly of men anywhere shows that there is a benefit and a wish for women dominant spaces.

It`s a fact you do not know the sex of any anonymous poster on the internet , so you cannot say that men dominate everything where's your evidence?

Please back up your proof that men do or do not dominate mums net? you don't know either way, every one is anonymous.

If you want a safe space set up a closed forum of your own and demand they facetime you or send id first 🙄.

savemytimezone · 28/12/2023 12:01

Mumsnet was always a safe space to me

There's nothing "safe" about an public internet forum.

a community of women for women

If you look at the tagline, it's "For Parents by Parents" - no mention of women!

and recently I have noticed an influx of husbands on here.

Maybe, maybe not. There is no way to prove who anyone really is here.

Can't women have anything just for themselves? It's getting on my nerves!

Kind of difficult on the internet, but you'd need to start a private group, advertise it, and ask everyone for ID before they can join. Good luck with that!

For context, I am not even a parent and yet here I am! 😂

savemytimezone · 28/12/2023 12:03

Notimeforidiots69 · 28/12/2023 11:58

Thank you! I was just about to say that! I am child free, I asked Google a question a few years ago and was directed here. I've only recently joined up, as another question directed me here again! I may not have had children, but I have common sense and been around and looked after friends and families children since they were born... I've been the first port of call for advice when it comes to my nephew and he still comes to me now and he's 27! He calls me Mum No 2! (And no, his mum doesn't mind one bit!)
So it's sad to me that the person who commented this, has had bad experiences with the "childless"... And from what I've seen, MN is a public forum now and about other things than children... I've seen some really good advice given on MN and I value that... AIBU is a question that can be directed to anyone!

I gave some advice to a mother here months ago and I "confessed" I have no children. She very kindly thanked me and said it had helped, so that was nice.

TheChippendenSpook · 28/12/2023 12:03

Neitheronethingnortheother · 28/12/2023 11:59

You joke but I once saw a pencil sharpener for over £100 where the website waxed lyrical about just how perfectly it sharpened a pencil

And for a moment I was tempted...

Pencil sharpener enthusiasts here I come 😂

Show quote history

Funnily enough, I bought a pencil sharpener from a shop in the Trafford Centre, the other week and it's amazing! The only downside is that it doesn't catch the sharpenings.

Let's start a campaign for our own topic 🤣

Notimeforidiots69 · 28/12/2023 12:03

Doesn't offend me, I'm happy to have you here! Good on you for finding somewhere where you can help others and participate too ❤

OhFFS! · 28/12/2023 12:04

My DH is a SAHD to my two kids. He's more of a "mum" to them. He probably has more right to be here than me......

Coshei · 28/12/2023 12:04

WhateverMate · 28/12/2023 11:43

I read it differently and thought he was talking specifically about the OP, who basically shit and ran.

Show quote history

Thanks. That’s exactly what I had meant.

StephanieSuperpowers · 28/12/2023 12:05

orchiddottyback · 28/12/2023 12:01

It`s a fact you do not know the sex of any anonymous poster on the internet , so you cannot say that men dominate everything where's your evidence?

Please back up your proof that men do or do not dominate mums net? you don't know either way, every one is anonymous.

If you want a safe space set up a closed forum of your own and demand they facetime you or send id first 🙄.

Edited
Show quote history

I didn't mention safe spaces. Otherwise, spot on. I haven't done the research to show that the Internet is male dominated and mumsnet is unusual in that it's female dominated, which shows how out of touch I am.

WhateverMate · 28/12/2023 12:06

StephanieSuperpowers · 28/12/2023 11:57

But a man helped someone fix a computer isn't the issue. The OP didn't state that sone men aren't nice, the problem is that they dominate everything and it would be quite nice if there was somewhere they weren't, sometimes.

The fact that there aren't equivalent forums made up mainly of men anywhere shows that there is a benefit and a wish for women dominant spaces.

I've been on Mumsnet since 2012.

There have always been men here and they have never dominated this forum.

So the OP's talking a load of hot air.

Merrymouse · 28/12/2023 12:07

For context, I am not even a parent and yet here I am! 😂

Or …. do you have 10 children 🧐😆

CavalierApproach · 28/12/2023 12:07

ChristmasFairyGodmother · 28/12/2023 10:40

Nope, it's literally called Mumsnet and was literally populated almost exclusively by women until relatively recently. The wording eg parents is called marketing speak.

Show quote history

I disagree. There have been men posting here at least since I joined in 2007 (some regulars and some annoying troublemakers), and versions of this conversation have been happening throughout that time.

SoupDragon · 28/12/2023 12:07

Mumsnet was always a safe space to me, a community of women for women

Well, you were wrong. Men have always posted here.

this argument has been done to death.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 28/12/2023 12:07

minicheddars87 · 28/12/2023 11:43

Yes because nothing screams 'not at all bothered' like immediately calling someone an odious cunt who shouldn't create because they don't share your view 🤔🙄

Funny to question the intelligence of @LeonieSN93 when you evidently lack the intellect to word any form of reasonable rebuttal, or offer a different way of looking at the matter. (Like other repliers did). Nothing screams dim witted like just yelling CUNT at anyone you disagree with.

We're not missing out on much from being spared your offspring methinks.

Show quote history

Leonie wants to ban child free poster believing them to be one homogeneous group.
I don't believe that having a baby makes anyone qualified to answer many of the millions of questions that are posted on here. As a pp said, you don't need a child to answer a thread on the Archers.

I do wonder why some parents are so insecure about being parents that they can not deal with CF posters.

The reality is lots of posters are assholes, be they parents, CF or men, but the vast majority are funny, interesting and make MN what it is, be they parents CF or men.

MNHQ
LilyMumsnet · 28/12/2023 12:09

Hi all

Popping by to clear something up. We promote our site as being "by parents, for parents" and we'd very much hope that included parents of both genders and of all ages. (It was just that, when we were choosing a name for the site, "parentsnet" didn't really trip off the tongue in the same kind of way.) And, actually, we do have a fair few members who are not parents at all, either because they are pregnant or hoping to become pregnant soon or just because, they are interested in our discussions and wish to reflect their own viewpoint.

SoupDragon · 28/12/2023 12:11

Off the top of my head I can remember the names of two "old" male posters and I can see from advanced search that they first posted in 2005.

VanityDiesHard · 28/12/2023 12:11

StephanieSuperpowers · 28/12/2023 11:38

That's funny. I tend to find that men's opinions are absolutely everywhere, front and centre. I find it refreshing to go somewhere that they aren't.

Show quote history

They really aren't. If anything, there has been a very real cultural shift away from centering men's voices. That that has not meant that more wealth and power is in women's hands shows IMO that having endless female opinion pieces is in any case not all that valuable. We need dialogue and discussion, not question begging assertions that men's voices are drowning out women's empowerment.

ErrolTheRednosedDragon · 28/12/2023 12:15

Funnily enough, I bought a pencil sharpener from a shop in the Trafford Centre, the other week and it's amazing! The only downside is that it doesn't catch the sharpenings.

Let's start a campaign for our own topic

There used to be a board called The Stationary Cupboard. Iirc it was mostly pen talk but I'm sure pencil sharpeners would have been on point.

It occasionally got used as a quiet hideaway for other discussions. I think MNHQ lost the key to it when they rationalised the boards a while ago,

Brefugee · 28/12/2023 12:17

starynightskys · 28/12/2023 10:51

I agree with this woman do take it to far on here sometimes with man bashing.
Never wrong they have to be right no matter what.
And my safe place in my home not online.
Ive seen some post and think your the problem not your husband or partner.

Show quote history

Go on the reddit incel forums. What gets said about men here is harmless. If it isn't, report it