If you or your child had private education, was it worth the money?

[edithfg]

Just that really. We can afford it with relative ease but would mean one less holiday a year and we’d always be in the home we are in now. It’s nice and lots of room but essentially means we could go further up the ladder. Small sacrifices really and I want to do best for dc. Was it worth the money?

I’d say objectively you’d have to say it was worth it for my parents. My brother is a pilot, sister works for one of the big 4 as a management consultant and I’m a doctor.

My sister and I both got into grammar schools at 11. We were just surrounded by people who all wanted to do well - we were told we could be anything we wanted.

I tried a term at the local 6th form college (boy crazy) and it was shocking the amount of pratting about the other students got up to. Luckily I was able to go back to my secondary school.

And my parents are first generation (British Indian) and not from money. We never went on holiday and presents were scarce. My mum would put us to sleep and go clean offices after working a full time job.

Education is amazing. My grandfather was a bus driver in Delhi, his wife (my grandmother) couldn’t even read.

Depends on local schools and the child. Having worked in state secondary schools in my area I'm glad my children went to private schools.

I can see why you would if the state schools in your area are poor. We are in a relatively affluent area and I can't understand why a friend of mine spends the money sending her children to a small private school locally. The class sizes are very small and at parties I see how much less social confidence her children have compared to the ones like mine at the excellent local state primaries with 30 or 60 in a year. I think academically at private school they are definitely ahead, but that's inevitable with small class sizes. You can't change your child's natural academic capabiliites that much- by senior school they will even out anyway. I also feel my children have had more opportunities to learn teamwork and collaboration and to work with a range of different personalities- this is probably the main thing they'll need in life to be successful. Might not be much of an issue at big private schools.

Also- probably being a bit stereotypical here- but I find in affluent areas the private school parents are generally a bit less educated themselves, younger (early 30s at private compared to around 40 at my children's state primary) and there is quite a high percentage of children with minor special needs who are sent privately as the parents worry about how they'd do in a state school. It's been great for a couple of children I know who are obviously not quite 'average' and the close attention has helped them. You'll also probably find a lot of Indian and SouthEast Asian families (coming from countries where anyone "successful" goes private), and a lot of only children and children with both parents work very long hours away from home. Visit to get a feel for how you'd fit in. I think it's one of the biggest factors. Culturally you need to weigh all this up and find the best fit for your individual family.

This post really resonates with me.
My SIL and BIL spend huge amounts of time telling me how "if they're smart they'll get the grades".
They have two in state secondary, I have one in private.
SIL and BIL both went to private schools, but they like to tell me all about state schools. Well, I am pretty much the only person in our social group who grew up on a council estate and went to a very rough state school.

What @pegasusreturns recounts as her husband's school experience is pretty much the same as mine!
Maybe mine was a little more forgiving as I am female, and so it was fine to be in the school play!

The experience my son has compared to mine, is night and day.
I've made a couple of big financial trade offs in order to pay for his schooling, which means I won't retire early and I will carry debt for about 5 years after he's left school.
Every day I am thankful that his formative years are spent in an upbeat, well resourced, forward thinking environment. He plays sport, and instruments, and has many many opportunities to try new things. Being smart is cool. Contributing is cool. Working hard is cool.
That's what I'm paying for.

I am smug that my 15 year old has extraordinarily good social skills and has close friends from both extreme ends of the social spectrum and gets on beautifully with both families. She slots into both the Manor House and the council flat without batting an eyelid and judges her friends purely on their merit as people.

We have 4 children that have all gone through Private (Public) and the cost was £36,000 per year per child plus extras.
I have yet to spend over £140,000 on one holiday.
An average holiday is probably about £5,000.00 for a week away, and a private school that provides an adequate education is certainly going to cost more per year.

This to me is the best response. It's one that resonates with me. For slightly different reasons as i said in my post with a SEN child, but yes resonates deeply.

To clarify: Helen Macnamara gave evidence to the COVID enquiry (https://www.theguardian.com/uk-news/2023/nov/01/boris-johnson-unbelievably-bullish-over-covid-top-civil-servant-tells-inquiry for one link) saying that the narrow outlook of the almost uniformly privileged decision makers caused problems.
The video of her evidence is online and it's very interesting.

@Teenangels

We have 4 children that have all gone through Private (Public) and the cost was £36,000 per year per child plus extras.
I have yet to spend over £140,000 on one holiday
An average holiday is probably about £5,000.00

People who are contemplating private education by giving up one holiday a year aren’t spending £5k on that holiday.

School fees could be anything between £10-40k pa. As could a decent holiday. Why are you finding that so hard to grasp?

This is so true. My dd started at private school in year 9. I wanted her to go to private school for secondary but when the time came, she refused. Then covid struck in year 7 and 8. I realised something was going terribly wrong at her former (Ofsted outstanding) state school when the one and only Parents’ evening at the end of year 8, for the most part, I didn’t recognised my child. Home schooling actually saved her education as she did all the work and learned a lot.

Dd chose to go to a smallish co-ed secondary with a real family feel as she wanted something, which felt like her former primary. She never looked back. Seeing how happy dd was, the parents of 3 of her friends decided to follow suit. None of them are at dd’s school btw. All are thriving as the schools suit them.

As for dd, her confidence has blossomed. She is a completely different person and has found she’s quite good at certain subjects. She is in year 11 and we have looked around at other schools, college (which she felt was too much) and are also considering state school. She passed the interview and had a provisional offer at a larger all girl’s more academic school. She is thrilled as the facilities are amazing. The question is whether this or staying where she is will be the better choice. The latter has a brilliant alumni network, which is tempting for me, someone, who went to a dire, rough state school, which would have failed ofsted. We haven’t looked around the state school btw so that’s also on the cards as it is the only one, which offers 4 A levels.

Like SQUIRREL’S dd, mine also has a health condition. It didn’t affect her much in primary. However, she really struggled with being different in secondary, which is a large part of why she was struggling at the large state school. She will do far better at GCSE in her current school for sure. She had plenty of friends in state, was very popular but because she doesn’t want to be seen as different, she felt very ‘stuck’ in lessons, unable to participate, either to ask or answer questions so her academics were suffering.

I would worry about the drug-taking. It's absolutely rife in private schools.

That is partly why it’s so important to pick your private school carefully. Yes, there are schools with drug problems, but there are others with a zero tolerance approach to drugs, where a child will be immediately expelled if they are caught having taken drugs.

Drug taking amongst teens is certainly not just a private school problem though. There are plenty of drug problems in state schools as well.

A lot more ket in the private sector.

And state schools are famously drug free 🙄

it's a very lazy stereotype.

This is a big generalisation. Most private schools cream off the brightest students. I have state educated children that went to top universities on very competitive courses.

Hmm. I would say "not worth it"

I honestly don't believe I've ended up any better off as a adult. The only 'skill' I think I've learnt is not to be impressed by money. Lots of well off parents at DD's school now, and they don't seem wealthy at all to me after going to school with children from proper money.

I went to a regular 6th form and did very well.

In private school you're simply paying for a better breed of bully and not having to mix with chavvy parents or kids. That's the gods honest truth. I would imagine nowadays drug problems are rife in private as the kids can actually afford it!

Nobody can really answer that question as they don't know what would have happened if they'd made a different choice. If a child has done well following a private education then naturally parents want to believe that it is because they chose that route, but then lots of bright, state educated kids do very well too. Equally, parents of a child who hasn't achieved as well as hoped at private school might feel it was a waste of money, but who knows, their outcome might have been far worse elsewhere. Or it might have been better. Or not much different. Nobody can say with any real certainty.
We could have afforded to educate our children privately, but we have great state schools where we live. So why would I spend lots of money on the local independents that have barely discernably different results or facilities? However, if I lived in the town where I grew up I would have moved heaven and earth to try to avoid sending my children to the failing comprehensive I attended.
And perceptions of "value" vary. A friend of mine was determined to send her children to top boarding schools and she did, even though it was a huge stretch financially.Her children all got decent A levels, decent degrees and have decent jobs, but whether they're better than if they'd gone to the local comprehensive, who knows? Statistically, probably not. But they have a certain self assurance and they've had some very interesting experiences that a state education would be unlikely to provide. They also have very strained relationships with their parents now. My friend thinks 100% it was worth it, but her offspring don't seem quite so sure. But again, would different have been better or worse? Who knows.
Whether it's worth it will depend massively on the quality of schools in both sectors which are realistically available to you, your child's interests and personality and exactly what the cost will be to you, in financial and personal terms. The answer will be different for everyone.All we can do is do our best with the information and resources that we have at the time.

I’m not sure that anyone would be able to prove or disprove this because I doubt there are any accurate and reliable studies. No one can possibly think that by sending a child to a state school, it means they won’t come across drugs though. State schools are hardly known for being drug free.

It's not a generalisation at all. I've told you what my experience with the kids that I've looked after. It's a fact not a fabrication.

Good lord.

I’m sorry you cannot grab basic maths. If private school fees cost £30k and they have £24k available cutting back on that one holiday will enable them to afford the fees.

Another problem is that these discussions are, by definition, anecdotal and specific. People can say that private education was worth it/not worth it for their child because XYZ , but we have no idea what would happened to that child at any other school. To some extent we're saying that privileged well supported children do well at school. Which is basically a no brainer. I'm pretty sure my own privileged well supported children would have achieved exactly the same if they had gone to private school. I would have had a much easier life though- and I do think they would have been less rounded individuals.

Good Lord.

I can't believe that you can't grasp the fact that school fees only increase in price and that you have no idea what the OP certain Financial position, someone can not afford fees by giving up one holiday a year.

You missed the point completely. Private schools cream off the brightest so children in most private schools are already bright. State schools (apart from grammar) don't do this. It is like comparing apples with oranges.

Good Lord.

Your basic maths does not even add up.

I am finding it hard to grasp because if you can "give up" one holiday to be able to afford the fees, even with a surplus, what will happen if one parent has to give up work, you are then as a family not able to afford the fees.
My children went to fee paying schools, and we could afford them on one wage and be able to afford, a nicer house. Public school is something that you commit to for 16 years (pre prep) to 18. Fees increase dramatically once in Senior, exam fees, music, sports, trips etc.

Only it does.