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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel DH is hiding something on his ipad

136 replies

grumpesaurus · 28/12/2023 02:12

DH just unearthed an ancient iPad he had and charged it - from about 10 years ago.
Once charged we were just exploring on it as it was sort of stuck in time from 2013. In the photo gallery were some of MIL's art (MIL is an artist) but he without saying anything took the iPad off me and started talking about our holiday next week. I then picked it up to look at the painting I was looking at, but he then said he was sleepy and took it off me again.

I didn't say anything because I was a bit taken aback. AIBU to think he's hiding something? And even if he was, it's something that's from 6 years before we even met...

OP posts:
JFDIYOLO · 28/12/2023 16:45

Quite the opposite, @BethDuttonsTwin . This IS the adult/adult interaction, rather than the parent/adult/child approach.

thefallen · 28/12/2023 16:52

BusterGonad · 28/12/2023 03:59

What a depressing thread, have some respect and leave the man in peace. It's his past, not yours. You are not entitled to know every single little thing about him.

Completely agree with this. We don't own our spouses or their past. Have some respect for him FFS.

laclochette · 28/12/2023 17:18

He might be hiding something, but that doesn't mean it's something you have a right to see!

Could be pics of an ex - if so he's doing the right thing by them by not letting private photos be seen by his new partner.

Etc etc.

We aren't owed the right to know everything about our partner's life before us.

BethDuttonsTwin · 28/12/2023 17:24

JFDIYOLO · 28/12/2023 16:45

Quite the opposite, @BethDuttonsTwin . This IS the adult/adult interaction, rather than the parent/adult/child approach.

There is nothing “adult” about believing yourself to have rights to your partner’s history to the point where you would approach them and speak to them in the way that you recommend. That is the behaviour of jealous immature people who do not understand or are happy to ignore healthy boundaries. The only way this would be in any way acceptable would be if there was significant evidence to support really questionable or concerning behaviour. Wanting to guard your privacy and protect potentially embarrassing material from SIX years prior to having even met your spouse is normal and to be expected.

Thementalloadisreal · 28/12/2023 17:51

Ok..but I’m dying to know what’s on the ipad now 😬😂

Tonight1 · 28/12/2023 18:12

I have an old phone in storage, 2015. When I retrieve it and charge it I'd just want to look at it by myself because it's going back in time and I'm not sure which photos and messages I'd have on there.

StopStartStop · 28/12/2023 18:25

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 28/12/2023 08:31

I'm sorry your husband did what, his sister in law? A photo album? You knew? 🤣

Show quote history

🤣 So long ago! I kept finding the photo album on the bed, open at a particular page, when I'd been working on Saturday mornings. Eventually, it dawned on me that one of the pictures was of my sister-in-law, with her legs on display (shorts? short skirts? she was a punk in those days). He used to try to travel on the train as the same time as her, too. I don't know if he ever shagged her or not and today, forty years later, I don't care. She's a good sort, and he's dead. He had two wives after me. I've had a long time to 'get over him'.

LusaBatoosa · 28/12/2023 19:05

StopStartStop · 28/12/2023 18:25

🤣 So long ago! I kept finding the photo album on the bed, open at a particular page, when I'd been working on Saturday mornings. Eventually, it dawned on me that one of the pictures was of my sister-in-law, with her legs on display (shorts? short skirts? she was a punk in those days). He used to try to travel on the train as the same time as her, too. I don't know if he ever shagged her or not and today, forty years later, I don't care. She's a good sort, and he's dead. He had two wives after me. I've had a long time to 'get over him'.

Show quote history

We’re presumably not talking about his sister? I think that’s what is throwing people a bit. 😅

AGoingConcern · 28/12/2023 19:41

Abruptly taking the iPad back and changing the subject WAS a clear request for privacy from DH. OP is completely clear that he was conveying through those actions that he wasn't comfortable with her going through his personal property the same as any reasonable adult knows that "ANYWAYS, what do you all think of the weather?" when someone brings up abortion at a dinner party is a tactful way to say "that's not an appropriate topic for this moment, let's move on."

Trying to force him to say "I do not want you to look at that" directly is just using weaponized obliviousness to make the other person feel as awkward about setting a reasonable boundary as possible. It's not respectful to say the least. Asking what he didn't want her to see is just another way of denying him the privacy he clearly requested and should be allowed to have - it's saying he can only set his boundary on OP's terms. This is inappropriately controlling.

Leave it. Respect your partner.

Missingmyusername · 28/12/2023 19:44

LusaBatoosa · 28/12/2023 02:40

If it’s from before you met, then why does it matter? Let him have his privacy.

Exactly this! God help if you had been a man op.

StopStartStop · 28/12/2023 19:54

LusaBatoosa · 28/12/2023 19:05

We’re presumably not talking about his sister? I think that’s what is throwing people a bit. 😅

Show quote history

Oh, right! Thanks for that, hadn't even considered it 😂. My brother's wife, not his own sister. But... his mother would have loved to be able to pair those two off together, had it been socially acceptable!

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