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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel DH is hiding something on his ipad

136 replies

grumpesaurus · 28/12/2023 02:12

DH just unearthed an ancient iPad he had and charged it - from about 10 years ago.
Once charged we were just exploring on it as it was sort of stuck in time from 2013. In the photo gallery were some of MIL's art (MIL is an artist) but he without saying anything took the iPad off me and started talking about our holiday next week. I then picked it up to look at the painting I was looking at, but he then said he was sleepy and took it off me again.

I didn't say anything because I was a bit taken aback. AIBU to think he's hiding something? And even if he was, it's something that's from 6 years before we even met...

OP posts:
BillyNotQuiteNoMates · 28/12/2023 09:08

Good grief 👀
what did I just read?
Either forget about it, it’s an old iPad and none of your business, or be an adult about it and actually try talking to him about it. A tell him that it felt odd and ask him why?
I can think of many things I wouldn’t want a new partner or my family seeing or reading on my iPad.

Bigcoatweather · 28/12/2023 09:16

So he’s probably been a good man by preventing any awkward feelings from you seeing pics of his ex and also, for good measure, protected her privacy…..and you have an issue with that?
What right do you have to see photos from six years before you met?!

OP, you’re behaving and thinking like a control freak and that’s not a healthy attitude. You’re desperately trying to catch this poor man out at something, aren’t you?
I hope you find a positive way to deal with your insecurity so it doesn’t trash the relationship.

itsmyp4rty · 28/12/2023 09:17

Whatever is on there can't be something he cares that much about if he hasn't charged it or looked at it for years. If you were looking at pictures then maybe it's just loved up pics of him and an ex that he didn't think you'd really want to see.

AnneValentine · 28/12/2023 09:19

just ask him.

Megifer · 28/12/2023 09:22

My bet is he started to realise it was syncing if he still uses the same account now 😬

itsmyp4rty · 28/12/2023 09:22

I do think though that he should have just been open and honest about it rather than pretending he's tired so he can go and delete whatever it is - if you don't want people to be suss about your behaviour then best not to act shady.

369damnshesfine · 28/12/2023 09:27

Just stop.

There are probably messages and photos of an ex, which he is worried that didn’t get deleted and he doesn’t want your feelings to get hurt.

Its his own personal stuff so you have no right to go through it.

He will check through it and make sure it’s ok before letting you see it.

Surely if you found your old phone you would check it before letting him see it too.

You sound very difficult.

369damnshesfine · 28/12/2023 09:28

Bigcoatweather · 28/12/2023 09:16

So he’s probably been a good man by preventing any awkward feelings from you seeing pics of his ex and also, for good measure, protected her privacy…..and you have an issue with that?
What right do you have to see photos from six years before you met?!

OP, you’re behaving and thinking like a control freak and that’s not a healthy attitude. You’re desperately trying to catch this poor man out at something, aren’t you?
I hope you find a positive way to deal with your insecurity so it doesn’t trash the relationship.

I completely agree!

Womencanlift · 28/12/2023 09:31

steff13 · 28/12/2023 03:22

If it's from before you even met him it's really none of your business.

This! Absolutely this

And why the 😮face when someone suggested it’s naked photos of an ex? It’s probably exactly that and not a massive surprise if they were in a relationship.

He probably forgot all about them (or whatever it was) and suddenly remembered and shut the conversation down because he knew there would be a reaction (as you have shown on this thread by going on about sneaking into his room)

Like everyone he is entitled to privacy whether it’s things on his phone from today or 10 years ago

WhatdoIdoTree · 28/12/2023 09:42

Haven’t RTFT. Lots of assumptions by you OP. Whatever it is, it’s private to him. It could be something sad, something he needs time to process. He’s his own person and whatever it is, was well before your time.

I would say just leave it/him alone.

VanityDiesHard · 28/12/2023 09:43

None of your business if it's from before you met. He has a right to his privacy.

Howbizzare22 · 28/12/2023 09:46

Something from long before you met most likely porn or naked ex. Sorry it’s none of your business OP. I’m all for snooping if you’re suspicious of something going on whilst you’re with him but this is not that. Leave it. How would you feel if he’d been snooping through your old stuff trying to find info on you?

oneflewoverthe · 28/12/2023 09:48

If it's something from before you met just mind your own business. Please don't go sneaking in and looking like a creep.

MistletoeandJd · 28/12/2023 09:50

This is really unfair tbh the ipad is from before you met, I highly doubt there can be anything that implicates your relationship in anyway, so the need to know is just a pure invasion of his privacy. There could be something personal to him that he himself wishes to forget or something emotional there really is no need to bulldoze in on that.

Haveyouanyjam · 28/12/2023 09:52

This is pretty ridiculous! In the earlier days of my relationship with my husband we started using a MacBook I hadn’t had for a while. I told him straight all my messages and photos from a prior relationship would be on there and I would be getting rid of them all before I gave it to him to use, as otherwise there would be the temptation to go through it, when it has no bearing at all on the current relationship.

Just ask him if there are old things on there that are private and if so he should just go through and delete them so no one is sneaking around or worried about invading each other’s privacy.

Pedallleur · 28/12/2023 09:55

No way will the OP let this go now. What's on that device? I must know. How can I get it, where is it, has he hidden it? Going to be no happy ending on this one unless you just leave it OP. Its 10 yrs ago.

Bobbotgegrinch · 28/12/2023 10:01

grumpesaurus · 28/12/2023 02:55

He probably would have deleted it before going to sleep if it's something he didn't want me to see.

I could just tell him I feel like he's hiding something on the iPad

Or you could just leave it well alone.

He's a grown adult with autonomy, he's entitled to his privacy and you're not entitled to know every little secret he has.

Whatever it is, it's from before he met you, so you know it's not evidence of cheating. Maybe it is a naked photo of an ex, maybe it's a naked photo of him. Maybe he went through a phase of writing god awful poetry, or got fat for a while and is ashamed of it.

Whatever it is, it's from prior to your relationship and snooping would be a huge invasion of his privacy.

Cherrysoup · 28/12/2023 10:02

Get over yourself. If it’s from before you even met, why should he share?

Borth · 28/12/2023 10:06

He probably didn’t want you to see the picture of him wanking over the dismembered corpse of his last girlfriend……

RiddlePiddle · 28/12/2023 10:11

I would’ve checked it, I wouldn’t have been able to stop myself. Just from pure nosiness!

369damnshesfine · 28/12/2023 10:13

Borth · 28/12/2023 10:06

He probably didn’t want you to see the picture of him wanking over the dismembered corpse of his last girlfriend……

It’s too early in the day for this 🤣🤣

Roastiesarethebestbit · 28/12/2023 10:17

It’s from before you even knew him! He’s entitled to a past and he’s allowed to keep
that private. I can’t believe that you are considering sneakily looking at it.

Octowussy · 28/12/2023 10:25

Oh ffs

Birdcar · 28/12/2023 10:31

He is hiding something but whatever it is is from before you meet. It's his iPad and he's entitled to privacy

GigiAnnna · 28/12/2023 10:32

He probably can't remember what's on it from 10 years ago and wants to check there's nothing on there he doesn't want you to see. That doesn't mean it's anything sinister. Just stuff that you don't need or want to see from a time before he knew you. Sexy or lovey dovey pics of exes, celebrities he fancied, porn.. I'd let it go.