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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel DH is hiding something on his ipad

136 replies

grumpesaurus · 28/12/2023 02:12

DH just unearthed an ancient iPad he had and charged it - from about 10 years ago.
Once charged we were just exploring on it as it was sort of stuck in time from 2013. In the photo gallery were some of MIL's art (MIL is an artist) but he without saying anything took the iPad off me and started talking about our holiday next week. I then picked it up to look at the painting I was looking at, but he then said he was sleepy and took it off me again.

I didn't say anything because I was a bit taken aback. AIBU to think he's hiding something? And even if he was, it's something that's from 6 years before we even met...

OP posts:
HalliwellManor · 28/12/2023 07:56

I think you need to let this one go if the ipad is from well before you met,the thought of someone going through my old stuff from before I met them would feel like a huge invasion of my privacy and quite controlling if I'm being honest.If your DH has never given any indication of anything sinister in his past before he met you then I don't feel it's fair to go snooping in his personal stuff.
Theres more than likely embarrassing pics etc on there that he doesnt want anyone to see and if there are pics of an ex on there maybe he wants to delete them as not to cause you any upset.If the roles were reversed and he wanted to go through your old stuff then it would be classed as a red flag,controlling etc.

WhatTheFuk · 28/12/2023 07:56

This is like finding an old diary. It's none of your business.

BethDuttonsTwin · 28/12/2023 07:58

If a woman came on here and said her husband was sneaking about trying to see what was on a device from SIX YEARS before she met him, she’d be told he was coercive and controlling and within several posts advised to end the relationship 😉

letspopthekettleon · 28/12/2023 07:58

If its from before you met I would leave it. Maybe he kept a diary of a difficult time on there for photos of an ex.

StopStartStop · 28/12/2023 08:01

He took his ipad off to bed because there's something on it he can wank to. Back in the day, pre-internet, my husband would disappear with the photograph album to wank to the photo of sister in law's long legs.

So if you want to find out, look. eta: The pictures might be from the past but the use of them is in the present.

Loubelle70 · 28/12/2023 08:03

It was before he met you...id let it go.

CrunchyCarrot · 28/12/2023 08:04

Honestly OP I do think you'd be better to drop it and not try to find out. This was before he met you. I don't see anything positive can come out of this.

WillYouPutYourCoatOn · 28/12/2023 08:05

It will be explicit/personal pictures of an ex/him with his ex. Maybe something really romantic. Maybe sexy pics

You don't want to see those. You don't need those visual images.

Nicole1111 · 28/12/2023 08:06

It’s likely just photos of him and his exs and he wanted to protect your feelings or didn’t want to feel weird looking at them with you. Given that it predates your relationship you should respect his privacy!

Doingmybest12 · 28/12/2023 08:10

It's nothing to do with you, it's from 6 years before you met. He probably didn't think you'd be so interested in what was on there. Give the man some privacy.

SuspiciousSue · 28/12/2023 08:19

If it was from 6 years before you even met, surely he’s allowed some privacy? Can you honestly say you’ve told him every last detail about your life before meeting him?

Brefugee · 28/12/2023 08:22

grumpesaurus · 28/12/2023 02:18

I am now tempted to go and have a look.. we're sleeping in separate rooms because DC is unwell and co-sleeping with me. So he's in the room with the ipad

read this far.
OP, grow up. Ask him or drop it. Don't sneak around - if you think he's hiding something and he isn't, how does that come across.

As with 90% of posts here: if you spoke to each other like adults it would be a non-thing

Toptotoe · 28/12/2023 08:23

If you are so keen to find out, why don't you speak to him about it. Say something like ' was there something you didn't want me to see on your iPad?'.

It may be easier for him to explain it if there was rather than show you.
I don't understand why you are so fixated on this? whatever is on there is from before you met. We all have a past.

Do you already have some suspicions about him arising from something else and are looking for confirmation?

Allthecatsandcosyblankets · 28/12/2023 08:31

StopStartStop · 28/12/2023 08:01

He took his ipad off to bed because there's something on it he can wank to. Back in the day, pre-internet, my husband would disappear with the photograph album to wank to the photo of sister in law's long legs.

So if you want to find out, look. eta: The pictures might be from the past but the use of them is in the present.

Edited

I'm sorry your husband did what, his sister in law? A photo album? You knew? 🤣

orangegato · 28/12/2023 08:33

I don’t have anything to hide but it makes my skin crawl people looking through my devices. Maybe because partners have trawled my texts and photos before without asking looking to start an argument. Now no one touches my phone because it’s none of their fucking business? I’d never go through anyone else’s.

Christmasisspecial · 28/12/2023 08:37

LateAF · 28/12/2023 06:51

Do you have access to his current iPad/iphone? If not, could he be worried that the old iPad will automatically sync his files, messages and emails from his current phone and iPad and there’s something from his current phone/ipad he doesn’t want you to see.

Thats would be my concern.

🙄

BCBird · 28/12/2023 08:40

If it was before you met, I personally would not concern myself with it. I certainly woukd not be sneaking in to look

OrlandointheWilderness · 28/12/2023 08:40

It's his bloody iPad from a long time before you met! You aren't entitled to know everything you know. Let it go.

LAMPS1 · 28/12/2023 08:44

If you haven’t been sneaky in your marriage so far, why start now ?
Surely it would be better to take a bit of time to think about what your concerns might be exactly and then openly communicate about it with your husband.
Sneakiness is going to cause a problem of mistrust once he realises what you have done.

Zanatdy · 28/12/2023 08:50

Leave it alone. It could well be a naked pic of his ex, it could be them having sex. Do you really want to see it? If 2013 was before you met him, leave him be secretive with it, no doubt he’s deleted whatever it was anyway by now.

tamade · 28/12/2023 08:51

StopStartStop · 28/12/2023 08:01

He took his ipad off to bed because there's something on it he can wank to. Back in the day, pre-internet, my husband would disappear with the photograph album to wank to the photo of sister in law's long legs.

So if you want to find out, look. eta: The pictures might be from the past but the use of them is in the present.

Edited

sorry, its not clear from your post over whose sister-in-law was he wanking, yours or his?

Arabellla · 28/12/2023 08:54

It’s from before you knew him, so please respect his privacy.

You’re behaving like a giddy school girl egged on by her bully mates, it’s sickening.

gannett · 28/12/2023 08:54

Honestly shocked at how many women think it's OK or even necessary to go snooping around on their partner's ipad - at all, but from 6 years before you even met? That's insanity.

Almost certainly it was some combination of explicit photos of an ex, explicit photos of him, or his porn stash. All those things are perfectly normal. It's also normal that he doesn't want you to see them. It's NOT normal to then go on some sort of detective mission to see for yourself.

Citrusandginger · 28/12/2023 09:07

What is the reason you are concerned about what went on years before he met you?

If you're concerned about porn and that's a red line for you, I'd say fair enough and to think carefully what you do next.

If you are obsessing about a past relationship, that is probably not OK and you need to get a grip on your jealousy or end the relationship.

mommatoone · 28/12/2023 09:08

Brefugee · 28/12/2023 08:22

read this far.
OP, grow up. Ask him or drop it. Don't sneak around - if you think he's hiding something and he isn't, how does that come across.

As with 90% of posts here: if you spoke to each other like adults it would be a non-thing

Show quote history

This with bells on!!!!