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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel DH is hiding something on his ipad

136 replies

grumpesaurus · 28/12/2023 02:12

DH just unearthed an ancient iPad he had and charged it - from about 10 years ago.
Once charged we were just exploring on it as it was sort of stuck in time from 2013. In the photo gallery were some of MIL's art (MIL is an artist) but he without saying anything took the iPad off me and started talking about our holiday next week. I then picked it up to look at the painting I was looking at, but he then said he was sleepy and took it off me again.

I didn't say anything because I was a bit taken aback. AIBU to think he's hiding something? And even if he was, it's something that's from 6 years before we even met...

OP posts:

IWishIWasABaller · 28/12/2023 03:09

Fairly obvious that there is something on it that he did not want you to see. Chances are it's probably deleted now or at least hidden in a file on it somewhere. Don't understand why you didn't insist on looking at it when he kept trying to take it away form you . Up to you now whether you want to go snoop on it now , as I said anything incriminating is probably deleted

MidnightMeltdown · 28/12/2023 03:16

grumpesaurus · 28/12/2023 02:55

He probably would have deleted it before going to sleep if it's something he didn't want me to see.

I could just tell him I feel like he's hiding something on the iPad

Why would you do that?

It's a massive invasion of privacy, and potentially illegal. Being married doesn't give you a right to read private messages or snoop on personal devices without authorisation.

Josette77 · 28/12/2023 03:18

I wouldn't be thrilled with an ex boyfriend's new partner looking at nude pics of me.

If it is that I actually respect the fact he is hiding those.

At the end of the day it's from before you met so none of your business.

tamade · 28/12/2023 03:19

He probably realised that there are/could be some photos that would require explanation and he'd rather not go through that uncomfortable process.

Are you normally suspicious, controlling and insecure? Maybe he is just trying to avoid an episode?

steff13 · 28/12/2023 03:22

If it's from before you even met him it's really none of your business.

AGoingConcern · 28/12/2023 03:30

Oh for the love of...

Whatever it might be was from SIX YEARS before you even met. Tamp down the crazy and go to bed.

CheekyHobson · 28/12/2023 03:53

AGoingConcern · 28/12/2023 03:30

Oh for the love of...

Whatever it might be was from SIX YEARS before you even met. Tamp down the crazy and go to bed.

THIS!

Unless you're genuinely concerned he may be hiding pictures of where he buried his ex's body, you should assume it's probably pics of his ex naked or lots of embarrassing pics of him flexing his own abs or an ancient stash of porn he doesn't want you to see and leave it well alone.

BusterGonad · 28/12/2023 03:59

What a depressing thread, have some respect and leave the man in peace. It's his past, not yours. You are not entitled to know every single little thing about him.

flowerchild2000 · 28/12/2023 04:01

Yeah it was probably something really embarrassing. I would have done the same if I wasn't sure and wanted to preview first! I would have said, 'wait let me check this first' though. It was probably better he deletes anything you that you can't unsee. Possibly better he pretended to be tired too, so you're not imagining him looking at nudes while deleting them. Might not even be that raunchy. What I'm wondering is how did he unlock it? I have the hardest time unlocking my old apple devices. I can't remember passcodes from 6mo ago! I have a few laying around I'd love to get photos off of but they're basically bricked. I hate apple for that.

LinnieM · 28/12/2023 04:01

grumpesaurus · 28/12/2023 02:39

Do you think I should sneak into the room now

Show quote history

There’s really no need for that is there

miniatureroses · 28/12/2023 05:02

Let him have his privacy. It was years before he even met you.

s4usagefingers · 28/12/2023 05:14

I wouldnt bother. My husband has an external hard drive of files from long before we met and I have the same full of photos of my previous life. He can look at them if he wants to but why would he want to see me and my last husband looking happy together?

Willmafrockfit · 28/12/2023 06:40

but its his, not yours, leave him alone to look at it

LateAF · 28/12/2023 06:51

Do you have access to his current iPad/iphone? If not, could he be worried that the old iPad will automatically sync his files, messages and emails from his current phone and iPad and there’s something from his current phone/ipad he doesn’t want you to see.

Thats would be my concern.

lovelyweatherforasleighride · 28/12/2023 07:03

Willmafrockfit · 28/12/2023 06:40

but its his, not yours, leave him alone to look at it

If everyone ignored their instincts and preserved those boundaries at all times no woman would ever discover she was married to a paedophile, etc.

Goldcrestonabranch · 28/12/2023 07:06

it's an old iPad. how's way back before you met. It's nothing to do with you. give him some privacy!!!

how would you feel if you came across an old iPad/phone of yours and DH insisted in going through it's contents.

Goldcrestonabranch · 28/12/2023 07:07

If everyone ignored their instincts and preserved those boundaries at all times no woman would ever discover she was married to a paedophile, etc.

are you for real?

lovelyweatherforasleighride · 28/12/2023 07:15

are you for real?

Yes.

CandidClarisse · 28/12/2023 07:15

Wonder why he got it out and charged it up in the first place. Does he plan to sell it or give it away etc?

RowanMayfair · 28/12/2023 07:20

Yes he seems like he's hiding something but if it was from before your time he has the right. Don't go snooping.

Popetthetreehugger · 28/12/2023 07:29

If it was something awful, he would know and that old iPad would never had seen light of day again ! If this was the other way round and he was planning on sneaking round to look in to your past and not give you one shred of privacy then controlling is the nicest name he would be called . More likely seeing the art triggered what he was doing at the time . Who he was seeing . Maybe he’s protecting someone’s dignity. Grow up and give him some credit .

autienotnaughty · 28/12/2023 07:39

I wonder if he remembered while you were looking at it that there was nudes of an ex. So he made an excuse and deleted them. That's not a bad thing if anything it's quite respectful to his ex and you.

I'd have to look tho as I'm really nosy.

Ramalangadingdong · 28/12/2023 07:49

I am really nosy too but e have to admit that a lot of us on here are supporting op in very controlling behaviour. That can’t be ok, can it?

op, please ignore people encouraging you to sneak around and invade his privacy. These people are bored stiff and are preying on your anxiety for entertainment.

DocOck · 28/12/2023 07:52

Like others, if it's from way before your time. Leave it. It's none of your business and he's entitled to his privacy.

HollyJollyHolidays · 28/12/2023 07:55

I reckon it’s porn.

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