To feel DH is hiding something on his ipad

[grumpesaurus]

DH just unearthed an ancient iPad he had and charged it - from about 10 years ago.
Once charged we were just exploring on it as it was sort of stuck in time from 2013. In the photo gallery were some of MIL's art (MIL is an artist) but he without saying anything took the iPad off me and started talking about our holiday next week. I then picked it up to look at the painting I was looking at, but he then said he was sleepy and took it off me again.

I didn't say anything because I was a bit taken aback. AIBU to think he's hiding something? And even if he was, it's something that's from 6 years before we even met...

Constantly amazed at how some people who are married, share the same bed, home, children and finances etc etc for years on end do not/are afraid to talk to each other.

Just communicate.

Check his iPad and his deleted photos too

Also check his files. If the picture was downloaded off the Internet and deleted from his gallery, chances are it will still be in the files folder
Op, Flip this around and Imagine a thread where you are being discussed and people telling Dh how to sneak about and look at your private stuff from years ago.
If a woman wrote a thread saying her dh was snopping on her old ipad in secret and going through her deleted files there would be uproar!

No. I think you should mind your own business

So would you go through letters and photos of a partner that were long before you ever met? Unless you had genuine reason to believe something was illegal?

Not long ago I found some letters from my first boyfriend/fiance

I read them (they were lovely) but I got rid of them because I didn't want anyone to find them as they were private and special to me and no-one else's business

I'm sorry I did it because I'd like to be able to read them again, but I really didn't want them found

Unless you are suspecting something criminal on there I'd leave it, as others said might have naked ex pics or maybe even downloaded porn from before you met. Which will either be embarrassing for him or for you. He's probably deleting it let him be. Theres stuff in my past I'd be pretty embarrassed about if it was recorded and my husband looked through. 😳

I’d just ask him straight. No need to be angry or accusatory but I’d even just flat out say, I’d rather it was a photo of your Ex than a photo of someone you’re having an affair with so just tell me straight what’s going on and I’ll leave it alone!

There used to be a weird function on iPads around that time where you couldn't delete photos. My Dad offered to give me his iPad for university, I graduated in 2014 so around that time. When I popped home to take it I remember him flapping around about the fact he was just trying to delete something but wasn't sure how. He ended up just giving me the iPad and saying just don't use it for pictures or something. Obviously I looked at the pictures cause I was intrigued. There was a picture of his then girlfriends boob, taken with those filters that are kind of like a kaleidescope, next to photos of them both messing around with the filters. I thought it was hilarious and never mentioned it to him or anyone else. I also tried to delete it and couldn't until I reset the iPad to my apple id.
Point is, there's probably a picture he's embarrassed about, maybe a nude one of himself or an ex, he's probably tried to delete it and can't figure it out.

@grumpesaurus is fussing about a 10 year old computer that was around before the OP was even around.

"Sweet Jesus" indeed.

1. sell the old computer to CEX and buy a new computer
2. install a Trojan horse on it and see what dodgy sites he's visiting
3. LTB (standard MN response)
4. ??????
5. PROFIT

If he went through your devices with out your say so he would be called controlling .
If he was sneaking around to find your devices he would be called controlling and has no trust you should leave him.
He had this before you so it as nothing to do with you.

I can’t say this loud enough, this is so right. You are overstepping.

Why would anything be off? It's from years before they met. You make it sound like he's cheating on her.

Leave it op!

its from before you met hence nothing to do with you

It charged? Wow. Not the point of the thread though.

He is, pictures of previous girlfriends. Why do you want to see those? You said yourself it's years before you met so how is it any of your business?

Oh my god, leave the damn thing! If the ipad contains stuff from several years before you even met why do you think you have any right to snoop on it? Put it this way, if your ex had nude pics of you on an old ipad would you want him to do the decent thing or just let his new partner check them out?? If its nude pics of him (😂) taken by someone else, again as they pre date your relationship ITS NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS!!!

God I'd be doing the same. God knows what would be on a similar device from before I met DP. Definitely nothing I want him to be seeing and definitely something I'd be deleting asap. This is not about you. It's literally all in the past and before you. If he was having an affair or was hiding something actually related to you it would be on his current phone/ipad. Not that one.

@grumpesaurus I'd be super curious too and while all the good posters of MN have rightly pointed out it's the worst kind of behaviour, I'd be tempted to have a nosy as well. But is it worth needing the brain bleach afterwards? I'm sure it's nothing that affects you now and a topless shot of an ex or something of that ilk (if that is what he's worried about) once seen cannot be unseen.

Love 'brain bleach'! And agree with your post entirely.
Don't go there OP.

And even if he was, it's something that's from 6 years before we even met...

Then YABU and it's none of your business.
It's most likely to be photos of an ex, possibly naked. Or him dressed in some weird costume. Perhaps he was really into Star Trek or something and went the whole hog with all the costumes and he's now embarrassed about it and doesn't want you to find out.

Just leave it, for goodness sake.

I couldn't be married to someone who couldn't cope with the fact I had a past.

You clearly don't trust him. What's the back story?

if there was anything dreadful - child porn or something - he would remember and not have shown you the ipad at all. If it's a naked picture of an ex, he might have forgotten and not wanted you to see it once he realised. But it's nothing to do with you. Yes, he's probably deleted it because he doesn't want to upset you, but really, why should you care? You do know he's probably seen several women naked in the course of his adult life, don't you?

Yes, he's hiding something. His behaviour is easy to read. Question is, what.

It's from ten years ago. Before you met. He has a past! So do you. Don't we all.

It's likely it's intimate pics of an ex. She has a right to privacy. He's probably deleted them now. He's considering her privacy. This is a decent thing to do.

He hasn't looked at it in ten years. He'd forgotten the pics were even there. All good signs - it's the PAST. You're the present and future.

But all that doesn't change your lingering anxiety there might be something less ok.

Sadly devices may be used to store pictures that get men into trouble and not just with their partners.

You have a choice, now. Either accept it was the first possibility and let it go.

Or you calmly and quietly tell him you know him so well that his body language, his manner etc broadcast that something was wrong, and that you are fully aware he didn't want you to know what was on the iPad.

Tell him you need openness and honesty on your relationship and ask what it was.

(I wouldn't start with ‘its ok if it's saucy pics of an ex’ because that gives an easy out to seize on).

Just have a calm adult conversation.

Honestly I’d be really angry if my husband came to me like this. As though a parent or authority figure rather than a partner of equals!

Yes, if you want a divorce. No, if you want your husband to continue to respect and trust you.

I'd be out the door if you disrespected my privacy like that.