To feel hurt by SIL’s reaction to Xmas gift to my niece

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Hi all,

So my DN (11yo) is a massive Stranger Things fan and for Xmas I decided to get her a couple of tickets to the new Stranger Things show that’s just opened in the West End.

I purchased the tickets back in March via the advance pre sale and prior to buying them spoke with my DB and said since the show didn’t open until the end of this year and it’s asking a lot for any of us to know where we might be that far in advance, I would try to get tickets for a weekend date in early 2024 with a view to then moving the tickets to another date should it end up clashing with anything at their end.

The added advantage of booking 11 months in advance was that I was able to get a couple of tickets at pre sale prices that I could afford but would also give my niece a decent view. Delaying seeing the show until 2024 also allowed time for the reviews to come out on Dec 15th so that I could check the show wouldn’t be too scary for her before gifting her the tickets Xmas day.

Come Xmas day my niece is delighted with the tickets. My SIL who had been watching DN open her gifts, sharply says “well when is it”, to which I reply the tickets are for the middle Sunday in February but if that dates an issue, I’d be more than happy to change them to a different day. SIL nods her head and no more is said, but I sense somehow I’ve done something wrong.

On Boxing Day, since DB and SIL hosted myself, my mum, and my younger brother for Xmas, I sent the following text to SIL
“Hi SIL, just wanted to say thank you so much for hosting us all yesterday, was lovely to see you guys and to hang out, thanks also for the pressies - very kind of you! Xx ps Re DN’s play tickets - just to confirm the date is Sunday 18th Feb, at 3pm - hope that’s ok if not I can change it for another time :) xx”

SIL then replied with “No worries, glad you enjoyed it. 18th should be ok but maybe just check with us before booking”

Thing is I did check with DB before booking (who I can only assume didn’t mention it to SIL way back in March), the show isn’t for another two months so is not as though it’s last minute, and not only that I reiterated verbally Xmas day and via text Boxing Day that I was happy to change the date if it was an issue.

Can’t help but feel offended as I don’t see how much more considerate I could have been. Perhaps I’m being overly sensitive but feels as though I’ve been scolded and spoken down to and as a result feel hurt.

Even if I hadn’t checked with DB before booking, surely by saying to SIL more than once that I’d be happy to change the date of the tickets if it’s an issue, it didn’t warrant her chastisement?

By way of context, I see my niece and nephew no more than once a month at best, rarely take them out for the day unless it’s a special occasion - and always check their availability well in advance. In contrast, SIL has previously booked weekends away and just assumed I will be available to babysit without even checking first.

SIL is also known to be a bit of a ‘dragon’ and I hate confrontation so I’ve always tried to stay on her good side but am sorely tempted on this occasion to stand up for myself. Just not sure how best to do so.

Kill me now.

Why are you making this into such a big deal in your own mind when she only asked you to check the date in future? Why did you not just say "I checked the dates with DB, but can try to change them if there's an issue."?

Point taken, but are they local to the west end?

DeeLusional
You haven't done anything wrong BUT.........always best to check these things with the mother as most men don't do the organising for their kids. Leave it now, if she sabotages the theater trip, that's on her not you.

^And that, ladies, is how we prop up the learned incompetence of the patriarchy!

FFS.^

And why the blame should sit with DB not SIL.
We shouldn't let fathers get away with not knowing the dates of school holidays, or thinking that family things need discussion as a couple.

She’s a control freak ! What she means is you didn’t check with her .

Id reply to the message I checked with my brother , but in the future could you also check I am free to babysit before booking your plans . Thanks!

Not rt whole ft but if she's going to make figs about you checking beforehand, that goes both ways. Maybe it's time to be a bit less available the next time she books an event and just assumes you can babysit.
This is the only way some people learn.

My sister is lovely and kind and thoughtful and I do feel sometimes that people take advantage.

A control freak haha!
Or Sister in Law has plans as its half term week!
Yes I prefer people to check with me rather than my husband because I know damn well he doesn't listen to anything and will just say yes!

This is such a strange non-issue. Tell her that you checked with your brother. If he forgot to tell her that’s between them to deal with. You sound like you’re looking for fault with her and it sounds like both you and your brother don’t communicate well.

No idea, but that’s a different question to “do buses go to that place”, which is all about whether there is a need to pay for an expensive taxi at some point in the trip. I suppose that DB and family may live on a remote island accessible only by helicopter to connect with the TfL network but OP would probably have mentioned that.

Same. Especially if I'm the one who is going to have to factor in travel arrangements, which possibly includes needing to book advance train tickets because it's half term, because clearly OP's brother didn't give a thought to that.

"taking solace"
"summon up courage"
"taking it out on DB"

Who is this absolutely, terrifying monster of a woman?!! Nurse Ratchett?

Edit - Are you taking your DN? Sorry, I may have missed you saying in your posts. Hopefully it is on you to arrange transport/ meals too

How can you stay married to such a lazy-ass idiot?

Yes, but the SIL didn't know that did she? Because the brother forgot to tell her.

The OP checked.

SIL didn't know she checked (because brother didn't tell her) so she asked the OP to check.

Absolutely fair enough.

Of course the OP can respond that she did check and SIL can turn her attentions to her DH as to why she wasn't informed.

I feel like Dr Who has arrived and whisked me back to the 1950s with all this cheerful acceptance of male domestic helplessness on this thread.

I agree.

So just because he doesn't listen he is lazy hahahaha
My husband has many faults, but really divorce him, leave my lovely house, life and uproot my kids because he doesn't listen, no thanks.

She’s jealous you’ve given her kids an amazing gift. Is she one of those people who likes all the attention and credit for everything?

I would be making sure I’m unavailable for babysitting duties once in a while… just to make her aware the world doesn’t revolve around her.

Enjoy the show.

All the posters saying that SIL is jealous, I'm intrigued. Would you be jealous? Is that why you're saying she's jealous?

I find it such a strange thing to accuse someone of, being jealous that a family member has bought your child an amazing present? Really?

When my children are given great presents all I feel is happy for them because I want the best for them.

To be honest this was my initial gut feeling on reading the OP, the mum is not happy with the content of the show being suitable for an 11yo. I would feel the same and would be annoyed if a fun aunt thought this was a suitable gift and left me with the problem of explaining to DD that she can’t go. But then I thought, surely her mum wouldn’t let her watch the TV show if that was the case.

I bet the SIL spoke to the brother about it before texting and he didn't bother to mention the OP had arranged it with him. He probably doesn't think he should be involved as its women's work to arrange it. 🙄

I am sure that your SIL is not jealous of you being a fun aunt, she is their mother, what a stupid thing for your mum to suggest. I expect it was more a case of she did not know that you had checked with your brother and was genuinely perturbed that you had booked tickets without (seemingly to her) checking the date.

And why do you keep offering to change the date? That is quite an assumption that you would be able to do that so easily. I also do not know why you texted her anyway, didn't your brother host you too, or is it all left to women in your family or something.

Nail on the head! She's a bit jelly 😅

Really jealous, why would she be jealous?
She is probably thinking of the practicalities

She's a huge fan,where else has she been watching it?

It's possible Dad encourages and Mom disapproves but the show isn't actually agel limited I don't think

Why would you assume she's booked it for far away and just left them with two tickets to sort everything. At that age I got my niece theatre tickets plenty of times. I'd sort with my sister picking her up from home or town if her Dad could assist, I'd feed her, cover her train fare and bring her back to the door in a taxi. And the shows at enough local venues I doubt she's picked one far away where Mom and Dad are expected to decamp for a week there.