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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think nobody really likes house guests?

148 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 27/12/2023 20:41

My sister has been here for 4 days, and we get on really well, but even so I found the extra person in my home a little difficult.

Turns out the psychology says we dont generally like house guests invading our space at a very primal level. Who knew!

OP posts:
Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 27/12/2023 21:42

actually thinking about it, I dont really like people in my house much at all. Of course I will open my door to neighbours but I dont want them to stay too long.

Really dislike staying with other people. Hotel all the way, and honestly really dont understand why others wouldn't prefer a hotel too

OP posts:
Friedfriedplantain · 27/12/2023 21:43

Greenfinch7 · 27/12/2023 21:15

Haha- I don't need to be tired or drunk, just to have the feeling of homey comfort that comes when there is no particular end time, when people can do their own thing for a while and then decide to have a little walk on the spur of the moment, or to cook something together, or to chat again about something that was mentioned earlier. It makes friends closer to being family for me.

I also find that the friends I lived with in my 20s are still close friends, even though I might have been out of touch with them for years. The familiarity I get from sharing a living space means a lot to me.

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Yeah well put, I feel similarly.

whiskylover2 · 27/12/2023 21:44

Personally I adore hosting - even though our home is tiny!

theduchessofspork · 27/12/2023 21:44

I like it as long as I like them. 3 nights max though, as a guest or a host.

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 27/12/2023 21:47

I always imagine that lots of Mumsnetters that love entertaining and having guests have a gorgeous open plan kitchen / diner / lounges with bi-folds (plus another lounge!) and new bathrooms and nice floors and everything is clean! I have mismatched carpets, rooms in dire need of a paint, young children, small dining table, too many toys and we’re in constant need of a declutter and deep clean etc no matter how much I try to keep on top of things. My anxiety skyrockets at the thought of anyone staying at my house!

SirenSays · 27/12/2023 21:47

I love having friends to stay but not family. I think I'm a big kid at heart, I love a sleepover! Midnight feasts, late night baking, making a pitcher of cocktails and watching horror movies. Our last guests stayed for 3 weeks.

Moonshine5 · 27/12/2023 21:48

Depends who it is

Newchapterbeckons · 27/12/2023 21:51

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 27/12/2023 21:47

I always imagine that lots of Mumsnetters that love entertaining and having guests have a gorgeous open plan kitchen / diner / lounges with bi-folds (plus another lounge!) and new bathrooms and nice floors and everything is clean! I have mismatched carpets, rooms in dire need of a paint, young children, small dining table, too many toys and we’re in constant need of a declutter and deep clean etc no matter how much I try to keep on top of things. My anxiety skyrockets at the thought of anyone staying at my house!

I have all of those things. Plus a housekeeper and a spotless house and van still feel my anxiety rocketing!

Borth · 27/12/2023 21:51

It doesn’t bother me. My house is like a hotel most of the time with waifs and strays staying quite often.

Newchapterbeckons · 27/12/2023 21:51

SirenSays · 27/12/2023 21:47

I love having friends to stay but not family. I think I'm a big kid at heart, I love a sleepover! Midnight feasts, late night baking, making a pitcher of cocktails and watching horror movies. Our last guests stayed for 3 weeks.

That does sound like fun!!! Maybe I’d make an exception for this too 🕺

Notsurehwhattdo · 27/12/2023 21:53

My parents stay with us as we live in another country. They could afford to stay elsewhere but there can't bare to spend a single pound if there's a way of not parting with it.

It's exhausting and full-on, they are awake and downstairs before us EVERY day. They go to bed at the same time we do. They never leave the house without us, to go for a walk or go to a café for example - they feel that they have come to see us, so they have to be with us at all times (barring getting ready in the morning)! They usually stay for 5/6 days and usually on day 4 I wish I was taking them to the airport. I'm jealous of people who have parents in the same country, see them for an afternoon, or pop in for a tea, or meet them out for a walk. We don't see them at all, then 4 times a year we have these visitathons where you just want your own bloody space after 3 days of living in each others pockets.

Newchapterbeckons · 27/12/2023 21:54

I like to relax in silence sometimes after a busy day - ditto in the mornings. How does that work with guests??

Mirabai · 27/12/2023 21:56

3 days max for house guests.

Mirabai · 27/12/2023 21:58

coloursquare · 27/12/2023 20:51

I'm not emetophobic but for some reason I always worry about an entire household of say 9 people coming down with a tummy bug at the same time and fighting over the loos all night GrinGrinGrin

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The things that MNers worry about that have literally never occurred to me to worry about.

Coastalcreeksider · 27/12/2023 22:00

BotherThat · 27/12/2023 20:45

I both dislike having houseguests and being a houseguest.

This is me

Charlize43 · 27/12/2023 22:01

I've always entertained. When I'm not having friends staying with me, then I am normally staying with someone. I like sharing. I like to plan the weekends I have people staying with me with places they might be interested in seeing, good restaurants, and interesting experiences, which may even be as mundane as baking together, depending on the friend. It's really just an excuse to spend time together. In the summer, it might just be sunbathing together with some chilled white wine in the back garden. Most of my friends enjoy art exhibitions, concerts, London culture, etc but I really enjoy eating out or cooking.

Likewise, when I stay with others I try to be a good house guest and go along with whatever they may have planned for me. Something if they are younger friends with children (I'm 57) that means just fitting in with their lives and the things they need to do at the weekend.

I recently had a friend staying (60) who'd left her husband at home (grown up children) and who wanted nothing more than to dress up and go nightclubbing! I took her to Infernos nightclub in Clapham where we were probably the oldest women there! We had a hoot dancing away and getting drunk - regardless how ridiculous we looked to others. We were there until 3.00am and it was such a fun night out. You can never get bored in London!

TooDyed · 27/12/2023 22:12

Husband told his parents we would get a sofa bed for them to stay, at that time in our sitting room, en route to the kitchen ( small house )
In fact it was my house, and we weren’t married but did have a child together.
They had a car and could drive home in only 25 minutes
I said no.
We never got one.

ShillyShallySherbet · 27/12/2023 22:16

I have a two night limit then I want my space back. YANBU four days is a lot!

SunRainStorm · 27/12/2023 22:18

I hate house guests.

I've finally filled all my spare rooms with children so they aren't as frequent.

user1471434829 · 27/12/2023 22:36

I love having people stay for a couple of days! My family all live close so don't stay and so it's my friends visiting for the weekend which is fab. I wouldn't want people around when I was trying to work, but hols or weekends I love hosting.

Astrabees · 27/12/2023 22:38

I love having guests, any time up to about a week. I am redecorating my second spare room after Christmas to make it lovely and cosy and hope to have two visitors at the same time then. So much to do around here. I like cooking for visitors too though the ones that just get their own breakfasts and snacks are favourites. It just enriches your life chatting away for hours.

AppleDumplings · 27/12/2023 22:39

I live on a boat which is in a hot, beautiful location. Our last guests stayed nearly a month. To say I was at my wits end is an understatement. I literally cried with relief when they left. We've just had other guests for 4 nights. It was so much easier but I'm just exhausted trying to be the perfect host. Due to other people's boat issues we will also have guests for 2 weeks in January. I'm already getting worked up thinking about it. Husband just basks in the glory of being told how wonderful a time everyone is having (although absolutely picks up the slack on every other direction.) When I visit anyone apart from my Mum I stay in a hotel.

Malarandras · 27/12/2023 22:40

Totally agree. Hence I live in a house just big enough for me and the people I live with and nobody else! Also I am never a houseguest: I always stay in a hotel or self catering. I need my space I’m an introvert.

merrymelodies · 27/12/2023 22:41

Fish and houseguests stink after three days - absolute rule.

MyDogsPaws · 27/12/2023 22:41

I don’t have room for house guests but I’ve always imagined that when I win the lottery and have a big house I will enjoy having house guests. Maybe it’s one of those situation where the reality doesn’t match the expectations though 😂