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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think nobody really likes house guests?

148 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 27/12/2023 20:41

My sister has been here for 4 days, and we get on really well, but even so I found the extra person in my home a little difficult.

Turns out the psychology says we dont generally like house guests invading our space at a very primal level. Who knew!

OP posts:
lizzielizard · 27/12/2023 21:12

Fish and guests stink after 3 days. True that!

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 27/12/2023 21:13

We regularly have our sons and their families to stay. This past summer my husband’s sister and her granddaughter stayed with us for two weeks. We absolutely love having house guests!

Jl2014 · 27/12/2023 21:13

I like people staying. As long as not longer than a week.

Newchapterbeckons · 27/12/2023 21:14

Lovepeaceunderstanding · 27/12/2023 21:13

We regularly have our sons and their families to stay. This past summer my husband’s sister and her granddaughter stayed with us for two weeks. We absolutely love having house guests!

I am sure I would love it too if I was retired but we work extremely long hours.

Greenfinch7 · 27/12/2023 21:15

Newchapterbeckons · 27/12/2023 21:01

I have plenty of moments like that when I see close friends. We don’t need to be tired/drunk or in nightwear.

Show quote history

Haha- I don't need to be tired or drunk, just to have the feeling of homey comfort that comes when there is no particular end time, when people can do their own thing for a while and then decide to have a little walk on the spur of the moment, or to cook something together, or to chat again about something that was mentioned earlier. It makes friends closer to being family for me.

I also find that the friends I lived with in my 20s are still close friends, even though I might have been out of touch with them for years. The familiarity I get from sharing a living space means a lot to me.

BlackPhillipa · 27/12/2023 21:16

BotherThat · 27/12/2023 20:45

I both dislike having houseguests and being a houseguest.

Same. Even people I love. I absolutely hate having overnight guests. Maybe I'd feel differently if we had a big house and more than one bathroom, but I absolutely hate it.

Unfortunately we live far from some family members, but I dread visits because it means multiple nights. I'd love to be able to pop in for short visits. After about 4hrs of any type of hosting my blood starts boiling and I feel extremely irritable.

BIossomtoes · 27/12/2023 21:18

SummerSazz · 27/12/2023 20:46

Well, I like it 🤷‍♀️

I do too. I miss my visitors when they leave.

5128gap · 27/12/2023 21:18

The chances are very slim @Newchapterbeckons And as she's staying with me this week, a lot of people will miss out on that perfect hosting experience! 😁The alcohol addition is a good call.

Newchapterbeckons · 27/12/2023 21:20

Greenfinch7 · 27/12/2023 21:15

Haha- I don't need to be tired or drunk, just to have the feeling of homey comfort that comes when there is no particular end time, when people can do their own thing for a while and then decide to have a little walk on the spur of the moment, or to cook something together, or to chat again about something that was mentioned earlier. It makes friends closer to being family for me.

I also find that the friends I lived with in my 20s are still close friends, even though I might have been out of touch with them for years. The familiarity I get from sharing a living space means a lot to me.

Show quote history

I can see why you would enjoy that. I find those moments in holding eye contact, being authentic, talking about my real life and feelings, sharing experiences, being there in good times and bad. I don’t need to stay to experience closeness but I think I can see why you like it. There is more opportunity to be vulnerable and real. A warmness.

Somepeoplearesnippy · 27/12/2023 21:20

Like PP I hate having house guests and also being a houseguest.

I love hosting parties and dinners and regularly cook for 20+ guests but I don't want them there when I go to bed and I absolutely do not want them there when I wake up the next day. And if I've been out I always want to sleep in my own bed or if pushed, a hotel bed.

The exception to this is my adult D.C. and their partners - I love having them over. I also used to love the teenage/YA party years when there would be 10 young people asleep on the living room floor, queues for the toilets/bathrooms the next day and McDonalds breakfast deliveries throughout the morning. They brought great energy to the house.

Asifiwouldnt · 27/12/2023 21:20

BotherThat · 27/12/2023 20:45

I both dislike having houseguests and being a houseguest.

This
loathe both and avoid where possible

Pebbles16 · 27/12/2023 21:23

BotherThat · 27/12/2023 20:45

I both dislike having houseguests and being a houseguest.

Me too. We have de-peopled our house today (but have more from Friday). I am so exhausted.
And DM, as much as I love her... has no boundaries and is definitely in the 'fill the house to the brim' club, I came down Christmas morning and she'd done all my veg and was on her fifth cup of tea (it was only 8am). She was delighted, I was quite upset and had to really spend time to orient myself to appreciate her efforts rather than be upset. I managed the former, the latter took time.

Thehandinthedark · 27/12/2023 21:26

I would love having people to stay if I had a housekeeper or a cleaner. I am very fond of my family and friends, but find myself cursing them during preparations for their arrival as I scrub every possible surface, get tangled up in the hoover on the stairs and find myself doing daft things like lying in the (empty) bath, imagining I am my guest and trying to spot any filth not visible from any other angle.

If I could just sit at the table and tell entertaining stories, whilst pouring wine for everyone it would be ace. I hate trying to be a world class raconteur whilst simultaneously cooking stuff, filling the dishwasher and trying to find enough spoons for pudding.

Noalcohol2024 · 27/12/2023 21:26

If my guests will cook for me I don’t mind. If I'm expected to wait on them I hate it. My sibling will look after his family cook and drive my family around in their 7 seater which is a nice break from me always doing it.

BlackPhillipa · 27/12/2023 21:26

Our close family overnight guests left yesterday and me and DH literally hugged each other and let out huge sighs of relief as soon as the door shut.

I love the people, just hate having anyone here in the morning when I wake up.

One of the guests is a non stop incessant talker. They don't stop to breathe. Just constant chatter about absolutely nothing. I can't bear it.

ohtowinthelottery · 27/12/2023 21:27

The only time my parents ever had guests to stay overnight was when they needed my grandparents to babysit - and that was very rare. Other than that it was strictly day visitors only.

When I married DH, he had family and friends all over the country (whereas I was within easy travelling distance of most of mine ). It seemed to be a constant round of having visitors and going to visit people. Then we moved (to a 4 bedroom house)and within a couple of years we had children, as did most of our friends and siblings. Life seemed to be never ending visitors. We have slightly fewer now but we've had 4 lots to stay this year (and 1 who didn't end up coming). And now the niblings have grown up they visit with their partners separately to their parents. Most only stay for 2 or 3 nights though and are pretty well behaved!

Bellyblueboy · 27/12/2023 21:28

I can cope for two nights max. I just had guests for four days and today I could feel my battery draining. It’s hard not to be able to fully relax and constantly having to host and think about food and drinks for everyone.

managing pets and children and older relatives and universally acceptable meals and tv programmes and bathroom schedules and house temperature and bed times😂.

I think it’s worse because I live alone and am used to doing my own thing

purpleme12 · 27/12/2023 21:29

I love having company

Newchapterbeckons · 27/12/2023 21:30

Bellyblueboy · 27/12/2023 21:28

I can cope for two nights max. I just had guests for four days and today I could feel my battery draining. It’s hard not to be able to fully relax and constantly having to host and think about food and drinks for everyone.

managing pets and children and older relatives and universally acceptable meals and tv programmes and bathroom schedules and house temperature and bed times😂.

I think it’s worse because I live alone and am used to doing my own thing

That sounds brutal.

Previousreligion · 27/12/2023 21:33

I love it assuming it's someone I actually like! Maybe because I don't get to catch up properly with people much these days, and I also spent ten years renting out a room in my house.

Hostesstips · 27/12/2023 21:33

I love having people over for lunch / dinner / coffee but hate overnight guests !! I just can’t settle when people stay I don’t know why.

Equally I love my own bed and not keen on staying at other peoples houses either - I would rather drive 2 hours home at 2am and get back to my own house than stay with someone 😂

Elvanseshortage · 27/12/2023 21:35

I don’t have emetophobia but I can sort of understand it. Vomiting is such a disturbing and disgusting thing. But, I am 60 and nobody has ever vomited in my house, apart from my family living here, and I can’t imagine why it would happen. There are so many other more likely horrible things that could happen with a visitor in your house.

thebestinterest · 27/12/2023 21:36

I enjoy hosting and love having guest visit and stay overnight.

baubl · 27/12/2023 21:37

I'm not a fan. I enjoy my own adult dc staying for a few days but even then I don't feel totally relaxed.

Anyone else, no thanks. I don't like staying at other's houses either. We have family in other countries and whilst I'd be happy to visit them I'd rather stay in an apartment nearby.

Friedfriedplantain · 27/12/2023 21:41

I love them. But only ever have family or very dear friends to stay these days.

With a few exceptions I don't love being a guest at all. I get allergies and hate other people's washing powders, room scents etc and the lack of privacy. I do like going to PIL's though, they are easy-going and just great to spend time with and their houses always have good energy. Plus DH and I just take over cooking while we're at their as we are vegan so we get to eat our own food and plan for the kids and they like a break from cooking so it all works out.