To be angry at DH

[ThreeApples]

It’s been a rough few days over Xmas as we have all been unwell (DH, DD aged 2, and myself 19 weeks preg), plus hosting in-laws and my fam for 2 nights.

The 3 of us are still unwell. I had a midwives’ appt this morning and then needed to go to A&E due to shortness of breath. DH was looking after DD and dog. Get a phone call whilst I’m in A&E from DH to say dog has got hold of raisin bar that DD hadn’t eaten, and ingested it. Now, I don’t have such bars in the house (we do have raisins but are super careful with them). It turns out MIL has brought them and instead of DH checking whether we want them, he’s just put them in the snack cupboard.

Anyway now DH has taken dog (and DD had to be woken from her nap to accompany them) to vets at a cost of £300 and dog needs a 2 night stay at an animal hospital at a cost of £1.5k. I get back from A&E and DH has stormed off upstairs saying I’m ’not being supportive and that I ‘blame him’. I’ve tried to say it’s just an accident and he’s tired/unwell, but I do the lion’s share of looking after DD plus dog and nothing like this has ever happened.

AIBU to be annoyed?!

I'd blame him too but then i'm mean.

He didn’t feed the dog the bar on purpose, it could have happened to anyone.

Its not surprising he wasn’t as switched on as usual under the circumstances.

Unless he has form for chaos when he is left holding the fort?

Yeah YABU. These things can happen. You are also unreasonable making comments about him not checking with you about the bars. A grown arse adult doesn't need to check if it's OK to put something in his own cupboard.

Why is the snack cupboard at dog height? We always had to put everything out of reach when we had dogs.

Did you actually say you blamed him at any point? Because you said he put them in the cupboard, so the dog has take it out of the cupboard. How is that his fault? Sounds like you have BOTH failed to train your dog, and that’s why the dog stole food. This is both your faults.

Accidents happen, just because it was not on your watch doesnt mean it couldnt happen to you.

What size ddog? Our lanky hound ate 5 mince pies event free a few years ago.

Call me a cynic, but if he’s stormed off does that mean he’s having some nice peaceful alone time upstairs while you look after a toddler, gestate a baby and clear up? I suspect he actually knows he’s messed up (I don’t even like dogs and I know you shouldn’t have raisins around them) and that your response is reasonable but by being all hurt about it he gets some time off.

Sod that. You’re just back from A&E for goodness sake.

YABU simply because despite saying you've told him you know it was an accident your whole post so obviously reads as if you don't remotely believe that it was an accident so you probably do seem like you're blaming him. The fact is you obviously do think it's his fault and he's clearly picking up on that.

If you have a dog you should have insurance to cover vets fees so it is a bit of inconvenience but that is all.

I’ve tried to say it’s just an accident and he’s tired/unwell, but I do the lion’s share of looking after DD plus dog and nothing like this has ever happened.

Have you also told him that it doesn't happen on your watch? If so, that doesn't sound like you're calling it an accident, it sounds like you are mad at him.

There is nothing he or you can do about it now. Accept it as an accident/mistake. I'm sure you've made some before.

YABU simply because despite saying you've told him you know it was an accident your whole post so obviously reads as if you don't remotely believe that it was an accident so you probably do seem like you're blaming him. The fact is you obviously do think it's his fault and he's clearly picking up on that.

This. Its unfair.

I didn't know dogs can't eat raisins. Will insurance cover it?

Don't think you should be really mad at him, accidents happen.

Anyone could've made the mistake especially when they're ill and knackered.

Was the dog showing any signs of illness? If not I wouldn't have bothered with the vet and just kept an eye on him.

I grew up with dogs for over 40 years and had no idea they weren't allowed raisins or onions.

My dogs would happily tuck into both with no ill effects at all, although now I know I obviously don't feed them to them.

It's odd these days what are no nos. As a teen I took ddog to the corner shop where every day the lady behind the counter gave her a kitkat! Chocolate is off the menu these days for ddogs. Odd how our dc aren't dropping like flies though...

I think it’s just part and parcel of being a dog owner that, unless you train your dog not to steal food or scavenge, at some point it’s going to eat something poisonous or potentially harmful and need a vet visit. It’s an expensive accident, a busy time of year, it could have happened to either of you and you’d no doubt want your DH to understand it was an accident had it been you.

I’m with some others here. Did the dog need to go to the vet? I had dogs as a child but obviously wasn’t responsible for them
and never as an adult so I’ve no idea when the vet would be needed with food! Would research obviously if I ever got a got, but did it actually need to go to the vet?

Is the dog actually ill though? My dog ate raisins and chocolate and a lot of other stuff and was absolutely fine. So don't let the vet charge this if it's not required.

Also, who checks snacks before deciding whether to keep them? It's normal to just accept and stuff away imo

Also wondering if the dog actually needed vet treatment. My dogs got into Easter eggs and a box of truffles and was fine. One of the dogs once ate quite a large amount of rat poison. We took him to the vets (and this was late on a bank holiday), and they just gave him an injection to throw up, and sent him straight home with some liquid charcoal to mix into his food for a week. It was £160 for the out of hours fee and £80 for the injection and charcoal

Is the dog actually having symptoms? You say that he ingested it but don’t mention him being ill. If not he absolutely does not need a 2 day stay and probably didn’t need the emergency vet visit either.

Grapes and raisins don’t affect all dogs; in fact, there’s quite a bit of debate in the veterinary community about what causes it (copper and tartaric acid being two theories) or if it’s even valid, as documented cases are extremely rare and apparently there hasn’t yet been one with a necropsy to confirm the cause.

Before there was any talk of dogs and grapes I owned several dogs that would happily graze on grapes from the vine and raisins from the ground around it with no issues aside from making themselves fat. Dogs that live on vineyards will happily steal grapes. The idea that every dog will drop dead if it consumes a single grape or raisin is completely untrue.

I’m sorry that you’ve had such a rough time lately with the pregnancy and A&E and everything. Unless he’s typically shit I think I’d chalk it up to a generally stressful time and him probably being worried/distracted about you and the baby. 💐

Our emergency vets needed half payment up front and the rest before they'd give us her back after an op. We got it back from the insurance a few weeks later but it still had to go out first. Emergency often isn't your regular vets and so they want paying to cover the on call staff etc much sooner than the insurance would agree to pay out.

I Wouldn’t be annoyed with the actual event but I would be annoyed that he’d stormed off when he should be concerned about you and your baby. FWIW, the amount of actual raisins in a raisin bar are unlikely to affect your dog unless it’s chihuahua sized and even then it would probably be fine. I’d have kept an extra close eye on it and taken it to the vet at the first sign of illness.

Well presumably the vet was of the opinion that treatment was necessary?

Your vet is taking the piss. An injection to make them vomit is enough. A two day stay is ridiculous.