To be angry at DH

[ThreeApples]

It’s been a rough few days over Xmas as we have all been unwell (DH, DD aged 2, and myself 19 weeks preg), plus hosting in-laws and my fam for 2 nights.

The 3 of us are still unwell. I had a midwives’ appt this morning and then needed to go to A&E due to shortness of breath. DH was looking after DD and dog. Get a phone call whilst I’m in A&E from DH to say dog has got hold of raisin bar that DD hadn’t eaten, and ingested it. Now, I don’t have such bars in the house (we do have raisins but are super careful with them). It turns out MIL has brought them and instead of DH checking whether we want them, he’s just put them in the snack cupboard.

Anyway now DH has taken dog (and DD had to be woken from her nap to accompany them) to vets at a cost of £300 and dog needs a 2 night stay at an animal hospital at a cost of £1.5k. I get back from A&E and DH has stormed off upstairs saying I’m ’not being supportive and that I ‘blame him’. I’ve tried to say it’s just an accident and he’s tired/unwell, but I do the lion’s share of looking after DD plus dog and nothing like this has ever happened.

AIBU to be annoyed?!

Having read your updates, he is being completely unreasonable!

You said it wasn't his fault, and just asked where the bar had come from! That is a million miles away from calling him a careless idiot for leaving it in reach. If I knew I didn't have x in the house, but then there was x in the house that had caused issues, of course you ask where its from, as a basic thing to prevent it happening again!

So he fucked up while you were in a and e, but he is sulking for you not being more supportive of him? Surely it should be you both supporting each other (if not him doing the supporting, given his pregnant wife was un a and e for breathing difficulties).

Don't feel bad, he made a mistake and is now deflecting because you're not trying to console him, because you've got enough of your own shit going on

I think YABU having had a dog and young children these things happen in a split second. I think you’re both shattered and probably both taking it out on each other. He is probably already feeling guilty about the dog and the cost. This is one of those situations where it’s good to take a deep breath and agree to stand by and support each other.

@DiaNaranja

but it was a RAISIN BAR, it's not like it was a hidden ingredient that he needed to read the fine print.

looking after one child isn't really preoccupied to that extent

Lots of peoplemiss something their dog shouldn't eat and they swallow it before you have a chance to get it.
He didn't feed it to the dog. He forgot it on the table. He is also unwell. Yes, accidents happen

I always advise people not to be too smug when it comes to things like this.

It only takes a second for a dog to grab something and eat it - and if it happened on your watch, I'm sure you'd want to be treated with kindness and compassion, not have someone pick at you about how it happened in the first place.