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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be angry at DH

130 replies

ThreeApples · 27/12/2023 15:44

It’s been a rough few days over Xmas as we have all been unwell (DH, DD aged 2, and myself 19 weeks preg), plus hosting in-laws and my fam for 2 nights.

The 3 of us are still unwell. I had a midwives’ appt this morning and then needed to go to A&E due to shortness of breath. DH was looking after DD and dog. Get a phone call whilst I’m in A&E from DH to say dog has got hold of raisin bar that DD hadn’t eaten, and ingested it. Now, I don’t have such bars in the house (we do have raisins but are super careful with them). It turns out MIL has brought them and instead of DH checking whether we want them, he’s just put them in the snack cupboard.

Anyway now DH has taken dog (and DD had to be woken from her nap to accompany them) to vets at a cost of £300 and dog needs a 2 night stay at an animal hospital at a cost of £1.5k. I get back from A&E and DH has stormed off upstairs saying I’m ’not being supportive and that I ‘blame him’. I’ve tried to say it’s just an accident and he’s tired/unwell, but I do the lion’s share of looking after DD plus dog and nothing like this has ever happened.

AIBU to be annoyed?!

OP posts:
Purplewarrior · 27/12/2023 16:29

Rudolphtherednoseddog · 27/12/2023 16:03

Call me a cynic, but if he’s stormed off does that mean he’s having some nice peaceful alone time upstairs while you look after a toddler, gestate a baby and clear up? I suspect he actually knows he’s messed up (I don’t even like dogs and I know you shouldn’t have raisins around them) and that your response is reasonable but by being all hurt about it he gets some time off.

Sod that. You’re just back from A&E for goodness sake.

Yeah, that’s what I thought tbh…

obladeeobladah · 27/12/2023 16:29

Notimeforaname · 27/12/2023 16:06

YABU simply because despite saying you've told him you know it was an accident your whole post so obviously reads as if you don't remotely believe that it was an accident so you probably do seem like you're blaming him. The fact is you obviously do think it's his fault and he's clearly picking up on that.

This. Its unfair.

Also agree with this.

Original poster
ThreeApples · 27/12/2023 16:30

Thanks all, I agree that it definitely was an accident so I don’t have grounds to be annoyed at him. Just to clarify the snack was left on the coffee table (the dog didn’t steal it from the cupboard).

I won’t lie…some of my frustration is because I don’t like MIL, and basically DH won’t ever call her out on things we both find annoying, like her bringing stuff from her house to ours as a ‘gift’ (we definitely don’t have room for this!), including random foodstuffs that she no longer wants…like toddler snacks that don’t go out of date for years…DH hides these from me by just tidying them in random cupboards without my knowledge. So that’s probably why I’m annoyed. Though I know I’m being unreasonable about this too!

OP posts:
Idratherbepaddleboarding · 27/12/2023 16:33

mayorofcasterbridge · 27/12/2023 16:27

Well presumably the vet was of the opinion that treatment was necessary?

Of course they do, they’re making £1800 out of it!

EmptyYoghurtPot · 27/12/2023 16:34

So who left the snack on the table? I guess it was their ‘fault’ that the dog ate it really.
but more importantly, how are you feeling now? If you’ve been in A & E this morning then you should have you feet up and be resting.

Chilicabbage · 27/12/2023 16:37

DiddyHeck · 27/12/2023 16:10

I grew up with dogs for over 40 years and had no idea they weren't allowed raisins or onions.

My dogs would happily tuck into both with no ill effects at all, although now I know I obviously don't feed them to them.

Show quote history

There is toxicity level. Ingested vs dogs weight. It takes extraordinary amounts to actually be toxic. However, I regostered slme people take them to vet for any amount ingested including licking plate after dinner when the dpg possibly cannot get anywhere close to the tpxic amount of garlic and onion... Ours eat everything as well. All of them lived long a good life. We had to make mine throw up twice only (mustard, water, pour it in them). But that was suspected poison.

Chickenwing2 · 27/12/2023 16:37

Your vet is absolutely taking the piss. Dog could should have been given an injection to make it vomit- this cost me £300 and only took 2-3 hours.

Notimeforaname · 27/12/2023 16:38

basically DH won’t ever call her out on things we both find annoying
DH hides these from me by just tidying them in random cupboards without my knowledge. So that’s probably why I’m annoyed. Though I know I’m being unreasonable about this too!

You're right. This is what you're actually annoyed about about. You need to sit down and have a discussion about how you can actually work together and what you can/cant compromise on. There's actually no point to continually getting worked up over the same things in life while trying nothing to amend it.

The rule should be , if you're not going to speak up to attempt a solution, you cannot speak up to just complain about it over and over.

Universalsnail · 27/12/2023 16:39

I think you are being unreasonable as it was just an unfortunate accident. Could happen to you unless you automatically bin all things with grapes, raisins, chocolate or xytol in...

ItIsBoth · 27/12/2023 16:41

Who can get worked up about food gifts.

You sound ill humoured, please do be careful that next time you leave for a few days, that everyone doesn’t breath a sigh of relief.

He probably took the dog to the vet unnecessarily in case he was blamed for more things he had got wrong and hadn’t managed.

I once lived with someone ill tempered about rather inconsequential things similar to this and I often used to go upstairs to get out of the way, the constant atmosphere was very unpleasant and exhausting.

I know you’re pregnant and sick on top of it, but sometimes silence is golden.

I think that’s the first time ever I’ve not sided with the woman in a couple!
I must go and lay down!

Universalsnail · 27/12/2023 16:42

ThreeApples · 27/12/2023 16:30

Thanks all, I agree that it definitely was an accident so I don’t have grounds to be annoyed at him. Just to clarify the snack was left on the coffee table (the dog didn’t steal it from the cupboard).

I won’t lie…some of my frustration is because I don’t like MIL, and basically DH won’t ever call her out on things we both find annoying, like her bringing stuff from her house to ours as a ‘gift’ (we definitely don’t have room for this!), including random foodstuffs that she no longer wants…like toddler snacks that don’t go out of date for years…DH hides these from me by just tidying them in random cupboards without my knowledge. So that’s probably why I’m annoyed. Though I know I’m being unreasonable about this too!

I also think it's unreasonable to expect your DH to "call your MIL out" for bringing you things she thinks you might like or want. She's not doing anything wrong for gifting things she thinks you'd want or would help you. Not sure what he's meant to "call her out on"?

DustyLee123 · 27/12/2023 16:42

I wasn’t even in the vets for an hour when my dog ate chocolate. One injection followed by a vomit and we were done.

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 27/12/2023 16:43

I'd be bloody annoyed he took ddog to the vet unless serious symptoms, it's highly unlikely to have done him any harm!

Catza · 27/12/2023 16:45

What are you angry with him for, exactly?
Our dog scoffed 6 brownies, we didn't bother with the vet. I surely wasn't angry with my partner for that. I was bloody furious with the dog though.

MysweetAudrina · 27/12/2023 16:46

My dogs are always fine when they eat things on the bad list. Unless the dog was actually unwell i wouldn't consider bringing them to a vet. Are certain breeds more susceptible to different foods. Mine are staffies and so are always getting into foodstuffs that are not for them but never had any adverse effects apart from some oily shits after she ate a lb of butter off the table.

Blueuggboots · 27/12/2023 16:46

My dog ate a dozen mince pies once.....as well as many other things she shouldn't! Never took her to the vets though..

GoodLordHelpMe · 27/12/2023 16:47

Yeh sorry, I agree with others. You're taking it your frustration with not liking MIL (which you've acknowledged). The vet bill seems very high and I do think that it's strange they've kept the dog in that long. Was the dog ill?

DiddyHeck · 27/12/2023 16:47

DH hides these from me by just tidying them in random cupboards without my knowledge. So that’s probably why I’m annoyed.

Why does he hide the food from you?

Peoplemakemedespair · 27/12/2023 16:49

mayorofcasterbridge · 27/12/2023 16:27

Well presumably the vet was of the opinion that treatment was necessary?

Not all vets have good ethics and morals. Unless it was a huge amount of raisins which they were unaware of, and then left untreated for days to the point where the dog had gone into kidney failure, then the treatment is cheap, quick and simple. The op said she’d only gone out when she got the phone call that the dog had eaten it, so they knew straight away. The 1.5k bill is ridiculous

Ohhelpicantthinkofaname · 27/12/2023 16:50

Hungrycaterpillarsmummy · 27/12/2023 16:20

Is the dog actually ill though? My dog ate raisins and chocolate and a lot of other stuff and was absolutely fine. So don't let the vet charge this if it's not required.

Also, who checks snacks before deciding whether to keep them? It's normal to just accept and stuff away imo

This is what I was thinking. My dogs have eaten loads of stuff that would send some people running for the vets and they’ve always been fine. Sometimes it feels like a way to make money, but then what if they do get sick? so I would never try and convince someone not to take their dog in if they felt it was the right thing to do. Everyone needs to do what they’re comfortable with.

i did once feed my diabetic dog a mars bar when we were on a walk in the middle of nowhere and her blood sugar went low. She was fine, no ill effects from the chocolate and it brought her blood sugar up beautifully 🤷‍♀️

gamerchick · 27/12/2023 16:51

Tell him he doesn't get to storm off and leave you to pick up the slack. You've been through the mill as well.

He gets his arse back downstairs and he can sulk later. Don't say things like it doesn't happen on your watch as you indicated in your OP. Lots of shit piled on top of each other and being ill on top can make anyone grouchy.

Jagley · 27/12/2023 16:52

1.5k is awful. My dog ate half a punnet of grapes, we took her to the emergency vets who made her vomit. £400 as it was out of hours on a Sunday evening. It sounds super stressful all round.

MILTOBE · 27/12/2023 16:53

Can people please stop saying DDOG? It's a DOG.

DiddyHeck · 27/12/2023 16:54

MILTOBE · 27/12/2023 16:53

Can people please stop saying DDOG? It's a DOG.

As much as I think DDOG sounds shockingly wanky, it's not up to you to tell other adults what to do.

Jagley · 27/12/2023 16:55

Jagley · 27/12/2023 16:52

1.5k is awful. My dog ate half a punnet of grapes, we took her to the emergency vets who made her vomit. £400 as it was out of hours on a Sunday evening. It sounds super stressful all round.

Oh and we got it back from the insurance less excess, 'intoxication'

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