To be angry at DH

[ThreeApples]

It’s been a rough few days over Xmas as we have all been unwell (DH, DD aged 2, and myself 19 weeks preg), plus hosting in-laws and my fam for 2 nights.

The 3 of us are still unwell. I had a midwives’ appt this morning and then needed to go to A&E due to shortness of breath. DH was looking after DD and dog. Get a phone call whilst I’m in A&E from DH to say dog has got hold of raisin bar that DD hadn’t eaten, and ingested it. Now, I don’t have such bars in the house (we do have raisins but are super careful with them). It turns out MIL has brought them and instead of DH checking whether we want them, he’s just put them in the snack cupboard.

Anyway now DH has taken dog (and DD had to be woken from her nap to accompany them) to vets at a cost of £300 and dog needs a 2 night stay at an animal hospital at a cost of £1.5k. I get back from A&E and DH has stormed off upstairs saying I’m ’not being supportive and that I ‘blame him’. I’ve tried to say it’s just an accident and he’s tired/unwell, but I do the lion’s share of looking after DD plus dog and nothing like this has ever happened.

AIBU to be annoyed?!

yabu and a bit of an arse.

Never mind anyone wetting their knickers about whether it is a DDOG or Dog, the fact is, he had a strop because it didn't go how he wanted. Never mind his wife's health problems and his children, I am guessing he is not often left to deal with his own kids and dogs and this made him flip out.

Where has the OP said he wrote it off as his wife wittering on?

Bless him. He’s had a shit day. It wasn’t his fault and he’ll already feel terrible about it all.

Thanks all. I do feel like I’ve been unreasonable in hindsight, as I know he feels terrible.

He is very annoyed at me, as my first response which was ‘don’t worry, not your fault, it’ll be fine’ was quickly followed up with ‘where was the snack from, I didn’t buy it’. He replied ‘I don’t know’ but we both know it was MIL.

I would point out we do have raisins and grapes in the house but we watch DD like a hawk with them. I think the problem is toddler snacks that are fruit bars (in this case organix strawberry and apple), that don’t make you think raisins straight away.

My dislike for MIL is long-spanning

Well this explains why you're annoyed, if anyone else had dared to leave bars with raisins in at your house I'm sure you wouldn't be as annoyed. As it goes neither of you sound unreasonable, it sounds like it's been a stressful time and feeling poorly doesn't help.

Are all the people commenting that it's fine if they've eaten raisins as long as they're not showing symptoms etc, not owned dogs for a long time? I had a dog in the 1990s, and he would regularly scoff food containing raisins, onion, all sorts. The only thing we were careful about was chocolate. But that was because the toxicity of this stuff just wasn't known about at that time. Yes most dogs, including mine, were absolutely fine. But some died, and the owners probably had no idea why they died. Infact my grandparents dog did die randomly from poisoning. At the time, but with no actual evidence this might have happened, it was presumed they'd got to some weedkiller or antifreeze. With hindsight it was actually much more likely to have been something like raisins. I think it was mid 2000's that vets started to warn against raisins and grapes. Now I know about this, I'm not sure I'd wait around to see if my dog developed symptoms, given that by the time they do, they'll likely die. I'd rather pay a possibility unnecessarily vet's bill, than risk the death of my dog.

Weird reposnse. So when you have a child or dog you literally only have child and dog friendly items in your cupboards? Yeah I thought not.

Yeah, we didn't have raisins in the house accessible to the kids when they were small, as the risk of them leaving them somewhere the dog could get them was too great. We did have them for baking, and mince pies at Xmas, but in high cupboards, and we didn't give them to the children unsupervised. We'd be very careful to make sure that there was none on the floor or left on surfaces when we did have them. A bit like you'd be careful with laundry capsules or button batteries. You'd not just leave them around for kids to get hold of. If you did, you may quite rightly be considered neglectful.

So he's stormed off upstairs leaving you (fresh back from A&E) with a toddler who hasn't had a nap.

I'd give him the toddler to look after and go to bed myself.

I agree- it was an accident, I don't think he should be getting the blame for an accident and I think the vet might be taking advantage a bit but you should be the one going to bed while he watches the kids.

Surely it’s pretty basic parenting to ensure that dangerous items aren’t within reach?

I know this isn’t helpful or a question you have asked others opinions for but unless my dog became ill I wouldn’t have bothered taking her to the vet though in saying that she’s not a small dog and dose seem to have a stomach of steel, if she had seemed sick or had the scoots for more than a day I would have taken her but other than that I would have waited a bit x

I’d be pissed off with the vet- you’ve been fleeced!

While I was at the emergency vets with my cat, a dog came in that had eaten poison. He was given medication and they had to sit in the waiting room surrounded by puppy pads til he threw up.

Well you should both let MIL know that the dog is really ill due to eating the bar she brought over

It might make her stop!

Your dh is U for not chucking it in the bin

You were a bit U for asking where it came from - as you knew!

But you are all ill, tired & worried and you are upset at the situation rather than directly at each other

That sounds like an over the top reaction to the dog pinching food. The dog needs better training not to steal food, both of you need to make sure food is not left out and I do wonder if your vet was overcharging or over the top reaction. Surely the dog could have the injection without the £1.5k two day stay.

Also tell the MIL that the snack she left was eaten by the dog and cost you almost £2k in vet bills and she is never to bring food to your house again. I suggest you both tell her that. Not entirely her fault though.

I DO hope that was meant sarcastically.

The OP has had an even worse day - pregnant, midwives appointment, already feeling ill then having to go to A&E for it, all while hosting house guests. Then her H uses the excuse that she's "not being supportive" to sulk upstairs leaving her to deal with everything still.

Regarding the dog eating raisins and those saying "well MY dog was fine", the majority of people are fine eating nuts but for a few it can lead to potentially fatal anaphalaxis, Sadly like many potentially fatal allergies, by the time you find out it can be too late especially with animals who can't tell you they feel odd or unwell. You may be happy to risk it with your pet, but there's no way would I let mine get at anything that could make them ill.

Whether the vet feels the dog should stay for observation depends on a few factors including how long between the ingestion and the vomiting, and various test results. If the quantity eaten was comparatively large, if there was (or it's suspected there was) more than a couple of hours after ingestion that the dog vomited, the dog shows any signs of illness or lethargy, then the vet is probably justified in wanting to keep them under observation.

One of my Yorkies used to love curry which always contained onions, hassled for coffee every day, and much preferred any spicy vegetarian human food to dog food. We lost him last year 2 weeks short of his 18th birthday.

Yes, in a cupboard. The responsibility was obviously not letting the child or dog get in the cupboard, not the fact that the item was in the house. But hey shit happens sometimes.

Sounds like a ridiculous overreaction. Rushing dog to vets coz it ate a raisin bar I mean.

It would’ve been fine.

Apt user name there!

Since when did it matter if a dog ate a raisin bar? Sounds like the vet is cashing in on turning a drama into a crisis. I would have just kept an eye on the dog rather than rushing it to the vets and wasting hundreds as a precaution.

Apt user name there!

Well considering the amount of people on here (including my own) who’s dogs have eaten chocolate/raisins over the years and been absolutely fine - I think rushing off to pay £2k at the vets is more likely the reserve of the hard of thinking (the saying “a fool and his money are soon parted” comes to mind)!