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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think there are too many treats now

139 replies

Naptrappedmummy · 26/12/2023 22:27

and that not only is it stressful/expensive for parents, it’s also spoiling the magic for the kids? Because every week seems to bring a present/treat/experience now, it’s routine and not as exciting as it used to be?

Take Christmas, when I was a kid not much happened until Christmas Eve bar opening the advent calendar and going on walks to see houses that had inflatable reindeer on the front lawn. Now it’s a month long affair, elf on the shelf, new pyjamas, a different outing every weekend, Christmas Eve boxes etc.

I’m not saying I’m any better than anyone else. I too have slipped into the habit of trying to make everything special and keeping up with the Joneses, but lately I’ve noticed DD is a bit ‘meh’ about everything I put on and doesn’t seem as excited as I remember being at that age.

Maybe I’m just getting old! Grin

OP posts:
Comedycook · 26/12/2023 22:28

I agree totally

Sparklesocks · 26/12/2023 22:28

I understand your point, but it’s up to the parents how much of that you actually engage with.

Buttercup176 · 26/12/2023 22:29

We don’t do any of that and our children have a perfectly lovely time. We are quite neurodivergent so we all enjoy a bit of down time.🕰️

bossybloss · 26/12/2023 22:29

I was only thinking be exact same thing today!

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/12/2023 22:29

Yes broadly you’re right. But I also think too little was often done for children in the past - too much emphasis on just sitting nicely whilst adults ate a big boozy meal - and poor Mum in the kitchen cooking it, with little time to spend with the children.

TomatoSandwiches · 26/12/2023 22:35

Overall I agree, we have 3 and do advent calenders, stocking with basic bits in and one present from Santa.

I found 3 Easter eggs in my daughters chest of draws yesterday when I was helping her reorganise so I think we will consider scaling back a bit over most treats, gifts and holidays/events.
I feel quite conscious and concerned about the waste we produce.

Original poster
Naptrappedmummy · 26/12/2023 22:35

I don’t take it this far but I have a lot of friends who go all out for everything - birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Halloween. Every time there’s shit loads of decorations, presents, parties, staged photos in special outfits or costumes, visits from somebody dressed as Santa/Easter bunny. Then every weekend it’s visits to the cinema, theme parks, zoos.

OP posts:
tescocreditcard · 26/12/2023 22:37

It's about balance.

the problem with treats is that if there are too many of them the're not treats anymore are they? they are normal everyday things.

Cut back, just do advent calendar and xmas day and one visit to santa.

mynameiscalypso · 26/12/2023 22:38

I think if MN was around in the 80s when I was a kid, my grandmother would have said exactly the same thing.

Sellingbedtime · 26/12/2023 22:39

Yes possibly. Some things seem unnecesesary or OTT. But I can understand why people do all these things. Especially with Christmas as it seems the years a child actually sees the magic in Christmas is getting shorter and shorter. Parents want to make the most of it.

Scarletttulips · 26/12/2023 22:39

Schools play a huge part. Christmas parties, Santa visits, gifts, cards and crafts, plays, carol singing, ice skating, elf on the shelf has made an appearance in many classrooms. Even the older ones go to Panto every year. It’s all too much and takes the excitement away when parents do it.

Gardeningtime · 26/12/2023 22:43

Naptrappedmummy · 26/12/2023 22:35

I don’t take it this far but I have a lot of friends who go all out for everything - birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Halloween. Every time there’s shit loads of decorations, presents, parties, staged photos in special outfits or costumes, visits from somebody dressed as Santa/Easter bunny. Then every weekend it’s visits to the cinema, theme parks, zoos.

I think it’s fine to do stuff with your kids every weeekend? Seems uou take issue with folks doing lots for their kids?

theduchessofspork · 26/12/2023 22:44

I think we did about the same amount when we were little, which meant quite a lot of stuff in December. I think we enjoyed in and my kids seem to.

I thought this was about treat type food actually which I do think is totally out of control. We are in danger of being buried under the weight of random boxes and tins of chocolate type things given by all sorts of people.

theduchessofspork · 26/12/2023 22:46

Naptrappedmummy · 26/12/2023 22:35

I don’t take it this far but I have a lot of friends who go all out for everything - birthdays, Christmas, Easter, Halloween. Every time there’s shit loads of decorations, presents, parties, staged photos in special outfits or costumes, visits from somebody dressed as Santa/Easter bunny. Then every weekend it’s visits to the cinema, theme parks, zoos.

What’s wrong with a trip out every weekend though? Why wouldn’t you?

RedHelenB · 26/12/2023 22:47

mynameiscalypso · 26/12/2023 22:38

I think if MN was around in the 80s when I was a kid, my grandmother would have said exactly the same thing.

This.

mynameiscalypso · 26/12/2023 22:48

Scarletttulips · 26/12/2023 22:39

Schools play a huge part. Christmas parties, Santa visits, gifts, cards and crafts, plays, carol singing, ice skating, elf on the shelf has made an appearance in many classrooms. Even the older ones go to Panto every year. It’s all too much and takes the excitement away when parents do it.

See, I think this is an interesting one. DS' school do a lot for Christmas, partly because it's a Catholic school so Christmas is a time for rejoicing. When I was talking to the Deputy Head about deferring him because he's a summer baby, the Deputy Head said, in his experience, the children who struggled most with a deferred entry where the ones who started in January once they'd reached compulsory school age because they'd missed out on all the Christmas stuff that Reception children do and it was that stuff - crafts, pantos, zoo trips, nativity - that really cemented the class as a social group because they've had all those shared experiences. I'd not really considered it before but I've definitely seen in the last few weeks of term how much the dynamics have changed in the classroom, in a positive way, and the children are all proper friends now.

Tinselburn · 26/12/2023 22:49

So you're moaning about people doing stuff with their kids and having a nice time? You sound fun, I think people are looking for fun and joy in life. I don't see that as a problem.

mrmagpie · 26/12/2023 22:50

I agree actually. We have three kids and have got a bit caught up in the 'keeping up with the Joneses' stuff on the past, probably because of a bit of guilt (we are not as well off as most of our friends) and just the general pressure of seeing everything on social media now.

However, this year I had to have an operation a couple of months ago and have been a bit out of the game since then. As a result we didn't book any kind of pumpkin picking 'experience' or Santa 'experience', I just couldn't be arsed really so we didn't get advent calendars or do the elf thing or buy any Christmas pyjamas or panto or Christmas Eve boxes or any of that stuff. I've also been off sick from work so haven't been posting anything on social media because my boss is on there and I feel weird about it.

Anyway, none of my kids has mentioned the lack of any of the above, not once. I'm not sure they even noticed! They did see Santa at the school fair so that box was ticked, but they didn't ask about any of the other stuff and we've had a lovely Christmas regardless.

I've started to realise that I was doing that stuff for me, or because I thought we had to be constantly 'making memories' and somehow that meant I was giving my children a better childhood. It's been a lesson learned and we've saved money and stress in the process.

SharonEllis · 26/12/2023 22:54

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 26/12/2023 22:29

Yes broadly you’re right. But I also think too little was often done for children in the past - too much emphasis on just sitting nicely whilst adults ate a big boozy meal - and poor Mum in the kitchen cooking it, with little time to spend with the children.

I'm in my mid-50s. Thats not how it was in our house. We didnt have a lot of stuff but made an effort for everything to be special & certainly didnt leave mum in the kitchen. We all did our bit & also chatted in the kitchen.

Original poster
Naptrappedmummy · 26/12/2023 22:54

Tinselburn · 26/12/2023 22:49

So you're moaning about people doing stuff with their kids and having a nice time? You sound fun, I think people are looking for fun and joy in life. I don't see that as a problem.

I think you’ve missed the point somewhat…

OP posts:
Rosaofthevalley · 26/12/2023 22:55

Yes completely but you can choose not to do these things.
My go to with our kids is ‘different families do different things’.
It means we never feel the need to keep up with the Jones’s.

Storynanny1 · 26/12/2023 22:56

mynameiscalypso · 26/12/2023 22:38

I think if MN was around in the 80s when I was a kid, my grandmother would have said exactly the same thing.

And when I was a child growing up in the 50’s and early 60’s in a very basic no frills lifestyle, my grandmother was also disapproving of how much me got for Christmas. Which was actually very little, no advent calendars, no pre Christmas anything, a small stocking and a couple of presents under the tree.
When mine were growing up in the 80’s again very basic lifestyle, my mother said the same!
So I’m biting my lip now when I see the lavish Christmas extravaganzas my grandchildren have!
But secretly I’m shocked

Cherrysoup · 26/12/2023 22:58

My family member says her dc need outings every weekend like dogs (obviously they’re not dogs!) and I agree (dogs need daily walks unless they’re old/unable before anyone says anything!) She says they need to burn off their energy, fair enough. The treats, tho, I find OTT. I was at hers on Christmas Eve and there were new pyjamas, Christmas Eve boxes, the food/treats were overflowing, it was mad.

I was thinking about the insane consumerism the other day, the mad rush to the sales, the amount of packaging, the desperation to go shopping, the whinging that shops are shut for omg, 2 days in some cases. It’s just mad and pointless. We don’t need to have shops open 24/7, we’ll survive, equally we don’t need to throw treats at kids every 5 minutes. Why do some people do that? Compensation of some kind? For what? Competition?

Zanatdy · 26/12/2023 23:00

Yes but also agree that parents bring it on themselves trying to keep up with the Jones. My youngest is 15 now but I didn’t do the elf, or the Christmas Eve boxes. Definitely didn’t do all the big outings I see on social media too. Christmas is expensive enough and I don’t think kids need all of this.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 26/12/2023 23:02

SharonEllis · 26/12/2023 22:54

I'm in my mid-50s. Thats not how it was in our house. We didnt have a lot of stuff but made an effort for everything to be special & certainly didnt leave mum in the kitchen. We all did our bit & also chatted in the kitchen.

Show quote history

Nor in my house in the 1950’s. Alcohol didn’t feature much in most run of the mill houses then, sherry maybe before, perhaps port after, very unlikely to have wine. Beer was in pubs. So the adults were not boozing.

we didn’t ‘sit quietly’ like poor repressed little hedgehogs, either. Although we didn’t run around shrieking while the meal was being eaten, either, because we were a family, not some disparate age groups all wishing they were not together. We ate and talked and celebrated together, because it was a special day.