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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there are too many treats now

139 replies

Naptrappedmummy · 26/12/2023 22:27

and that not only is it stressful/expensive for parents, it’s also spoiling the magic for the kids? Because every week seems to bring a present/treat/experience now, it’s routine and not as exciting as it used to be?

Take Christmas, when I was a kid not much happened until Christmas Eve bar opening the advent calendar and going on walks to see houses that had inflatable reindeer on the front lawn. Now it’s a month long affair, elf on the shelf, new pyjamas, a different outing every weekend, Christmas Eve boxes etc.

I’m not saying I’m any better than anyone else. I too have slipped into the habit of trying to make everything special and keeping up with the Joneses, but lately I’ve noticed DD is a bit ‘meh’ about everything I put on and doesn’t seem as excited as I remember being at that age.

Maybe I’m just getting old! Grin

OP posts:
TheKeatingFive · 27/12/2023 17:52

There is no right or wrong way to do any of this stuff. As parents, we have to decide for ourselves what's the right level. And have the courage of our convictions if others are doing differently.

Vettrianofan · 27/12/2023 17:58

Agree. The build up to Christmas goes on for far too long.

dogvcat · 27/12/2023 21:24

I’m in my 60’s and have never been to a pantomime. My children never went to one either, or got fancy trips etc. at Christmas, as we just couldn’t afford it. I think my adult children have gone over the top, with what their children get, because they didn’t get these treats when they were young and they want their children to get the things they missed out on.

ITSSSSCHRISTMASSS · 27/12/2023 22:08

Naptrappedmummy · 27/12/2023 13:52

I didn’t say 48 hours of TV is better or that nobody should leave their house of a weekend. To me park trips, friends houses, libraries etc are the sort of thing you would do every weekend with the zoo (for example) being a treat a few times a year as it’s expensive, a whole day out and quite a ‘special’ activity. But it seems like some people do things like this every weekend, on both days.

Show quote history

Going to things like the zoo or theme parks aren’t necessarily an expensive treat though. One year we were given merlin passes as a joint family present so it didn’t cost us anything to go to the sea life centre, theme parks etc… I’m a tight arse by nature and much prefer to bring packed lunches and snacks than buy there anyway, so other than a bit of petrol the outings were free.

I know at least a dozen families at my DDs school who get given annual passes to a local zoo as a family Christmas present from the grandparents. They all use them all year round.

Mummadeze · 27/12/2023 22:17

I feel in really deep with this and don’t know how to reverse it! I have spent so much on theatre trips, theme parks, meals out, treats etc that come birthdays nothing feels special. Christmas has been crazy, so many outings and treats and gifts. I know I need to scale it back. It isn’t my DD pushing for it all. I just get FOMO and sucked in by advertising etc. I am actually dying for some time off work doing nothing next year as every time I have had time off we have gone somewhere or done something. I never relax. I am not trying to brag, I feel disgusted really that I have been so spoilt. It isn’t necessary. Thank you for posting this. I needed a reality check and to think more about this.

Original poster
Naptrappedmummy · 27/12/2023 23:40

TheGruffalochild · 27/12/2023 17:36

Been thinking about this since reading the thread this morning. I haven’t done some of the Christmas things listed on here but I do take the kids regularly to the cinema, swimming, days out etc. We have been to the Christmas market five times since they opened.
So I asked myself why.
When I was a kid I spent most days playing on the street. Out on my bike or in the park with friends. Calling on people spontaneously. Even in winter you’d be wrapped up warm and out. But kids don’t do that so much nowadays. So if I don’t organize things the kids are just inside the whole time. Screen time goes up massively, number of tantrums increased. My mum said bye to us in the morning and made some sandwiches for lunch when we’d come back in. And she was a sahp - so it wasn’t for lack of time. We were just happy out with other kids. Whereas I’m working ft and having to plan activities left right and center. Play dates can’t even be spontaneous anymore cause everyone else has tickets for xyz that day so no just ringing up and saying “Laura was wondering if Emma wanted to come play this afternoon.”

In summer there’s more long walks as a family, time at playground with a picnic etc. But everyone is just miserable in the rain. Might work for some people but we as a family hate being out in the rain. Never mind the number of colds we’ve caught since lockdown finished meaning we want to be somewhere warm and dry. I’d constantly have friends over or be at another friends house in winter as a kid. It all worked out fairly with a mum chucking us out and onto the next house if didn’t. But trying to organize a play date nowadays is like trying to fix a date for a wedding. Has to be preapproved, parent supervised, official nonsense.

I’m not trying to spoil my kids - but that might be a side effect. I’m trying to keep them busy and away from screens and to stop them trashing the house. Of course we do arts crafts etc. but there are only so many make your own dream catcher sets etc you can do. We do a coloring book with an audio book on an evening. I’m doing what I can to engage with them. But left to their own devices… they will just be on devices.

I agree with every word of this. I’m the same - it’s not because I feel an urgent need to ensure every moment of DD’s life is exciting, it’s because otherwise we’re just stuck in the house and the screen time goes up. The shit weather in this country means the cheaper, lower intensity stuff - walks, picnics, the park - isn’t always possible. In fact we’ve had more rainy days than dry ones for the last few months at least.

I grew up in the 90s/early 2000s and yes we just played out a lot of the day on our bikes or were in and out of other kids houses on our estate. It all felt very safe and afforded mum lots of time to do housework or have downtime. It’s such a shame this isn’t a thing any more, it puts such pressure on parents, the dual burden of entertaining children while having no time without them to do housework or just relax.

OP posts:
coxesorangepippin · 28/12/2023 00:18

We do a lot of free outside activities, but as has been pointed out, it's easy to do these because we live abroad where the weather is better.

I try and avoid these 'treat' days out because they are usually expensive, require a lot of stress/driving and also, main thing, the kids don't actually seem to enjoy them that much. It's forced fun.

My brother lives in the UK and a lot of the time it does seem like the activities are what he wants to do - theme parks, soft play, farms, cinema, restaurants etc. The kids seem indifferent.

TempestTost · 28/12/2023 02:08

The issue of kids not playing out or just having friends over is huge IMO.

I don't really think it's weather, if it was, we wouldn't have done it as kids. I grew up in Canada, with long freezing winters, and we still played out all the time in the early 80s. Building snow forts, at the playground, skating, etc. When we got too cold we'd pile into the house of one kid or another for a while and play with Star Wars figures or something.

The factors that were different: Kids allowed out unsupervised; no phones or internet; kid's shows were only on at specified times; parents did not expect to entertain and had no guilt about telling us to entertain ourselves.

mantyzer · 28/12/2023 03:32

I think if kids are used to playing out in bad weather when young, they don't care about bad weather when a bit older. Understandably parents do though. It is bloody miserable being at a wet cold playground with your children.

Newchapterbeckons · 28/12/2023 05:04

mantyzer · 28/12/2023 03:32

I think if kids are used to playing out in bad weather when young, they don't care about bad weather when a bit older. Understandably parents do though. It is bloody miserable being at a wet cold playground with your children.

We have 50mph gales and horizontal rain. It’s not safe.

maddening · 28/12/2023 05:59

But all the people are not doing all the stuff all the time - I think it is easy to see all your friends doing their own thing and concatenate that to a lot of treats but in reality most will be doing an average amount of things -.you are just hearing about a lot of people's activities.

Eg we did a cathedral carole service, a panto and a father Christmas visit - we did also do elf.on the shelf but that is hardly a treat, (we didn't do boxes or pj's) I don't think that is excessive and no more than people would have done in the 80z or 90s surely.

merriadock · 28/12/2023 06:16

My mum did presents from ‘Santa’ at her house yesterday for my niece. I was gobsmacked and told her immediately that she won’t be doing that for my son in future (he’s 1 month old atm). It’s so unnecessary as well as confusing!

Skethylita · 28/12/2023 08:04

I think it's pointless comparing things to how they were in the past.

The past was different, often out of necessity, and the present is here to stay, with all of its technology.

That doesn't mean we can't learn lessons, but our children grow up in a different world to us. Screens, technology - they are what our children grow up with, but how they use it can be influenced by us. My youngest is 7 and loves everything tech-related, so in addition to allowing age-appropriate gaming they also learn how circuits work, read about physics concepts in an age-appropriate way, build robots from kits that are like Lego.

Likewise, we now live in an age where safeguarding is so much more in the forefront of our minds - again, mostly out of necessity. Allowing a 7-year-old to play out unsupervised would now be seen as neglectful, like it or not. Allowing them to beat each other with sticks in sword fights is a no-no. But children need adventure and ways to test their skills, so we take them to places that are designed for that very purpose. Unfortunately, yes, they often cost money (but not always - many playgrounds are incresingly adventure type ones). Even most interesting nature walks do - parking in NT or BH areas can be a fortune.

Maybe we need to shift our mindset a bit. Not all things are treats. They're merely ways to fit into a changing world.

anothernamechangeagainsndagain · 28/12/2023 08:15

I blame instagram!

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